The Handy Writer's definitions
by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009
Get the First straw mug.The calculable likelihood of something being broken or damaged when handled. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009
Get the Frangibility Quotient mug.A scaled measurement (1-10) judging how far one’s undies have crept up one’s crack (a potentially debilitating condition which can result from any activity that involves bending, crouching or squatting, and is usually coupled with the exposure of butt cleavage). Scores on this scale must not be issued or proclaimed by novices or cheese factor enthusiasts due to the extraordinary variations in the kinds and sizes of undergarments, necessitating weighted metrics for accurate judgments. For example, traditional Mormon unmentionables are so baggy they rarely bunch, so scores higher than 4 are only possible if said handy Mormons are morbidly obese. Conversely, butt-flossies (thongs) garner at least an 8 rating without one even budging off the couch. A Cheese Factor of 10 (otherwise known as Imminent Endangerment) represents a frightening creepage scenario which might best be replicated by sitting on a vertical pencil and taking a direct hit, if you know what we mean. The momentarily intractable situation of a Cheese Factor 10 may require hospitalization or, at the very least, the full tugging might of your spouse, significant other, or a hastily constructed series of pulleys, weights and some type of wardrobe hook. Eww. This scale is employed when describing the potential outcome of an upcoming task. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web TV show.
by The Handy Writer May 9, 2009
Get the Cheese Factor mug.by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009
Get the Fugnuggets mug.Attempting multiple solutions to a problem simultaneously, in the desperate hopes that something will work. This methodology is typically used by people who have no idea what they’re doing. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web TV show.
My supervisor is absolutely clueless when it comes to solving PR nightmares. Rather than spinning a story to the company's benefit, she always ends up kitchensinking the problem.
by The Handy Writer May 9, 2009
Get the Kitchensinking mug.Inability to understand being cool. Disproportionately affects those 30 and up. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
“My uncle suffers from Hip Dysphasia. He can’t understand why I keep asking him to closet his Member’s Only jacket.”
by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009
Get the Hip Dysphasia mug.Someone who always underestimates the time necessary to complete a task or project. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.
“Linda only scheduled three hours to shoot our first corporate video. What a frickin’ chronoptimist.”
by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009
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