The Handy Writer's definitions

frankenstein

To hack off choice bits of one or more existing items and then attach them to a new project, thereby bending them to suit your own requirements (diabolic or not). No gothic castles, fortuitously-timed electrical storms or god complexes required for this kind of assembly. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web TV show.

"To build your own awesome and inexpensive jib boom, you’ll need to frankenstein parts from an existing tripod and an L-bracket. With mad skills, all things are possible."

by The Handy Writer May 9, 2009

Biscuit-brained

Clueless or dimwitted. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.

“Using a biscuit-brained approach will cost you more money and more time.”

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009

Shop-Hack

Any of a number of techniques known to only a scarce few (in some instances, just The Handyman) that will simplify any given task whilst working on projects in the Shop. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.

Adoring Fan: “Oh, Handyman, how did you become so incredibly knowledgeable in the handy arts?”
The Handyman: “Ever since I was in diapees, I’ve been formulatin’ and calculatin’ to come up with the best shortcuts for just about anything handy. I refer to each pearl of woody wisdom in my handy bag of tricks as a Shop-Hack.”

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009

The Dangly State

Florida.

Dave: “The Dangly State seems replete with biscuit-brainers.”
Trev: “Well, you know what they say … all the nuts roll downhill!”

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009

Frangibility Quotient

The calculable likelihood of something being broken or damaged when handled. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.

“Now, exercise caution because balsa wood has an extremely high frangibility quotient”.

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009

Hip Dysphasia

Inability to understand being cool. Disproportionately affects those 30 and up. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.

“My uncle suffers from Hip Dysphasia. He can’t understand why I keep asking him to closet his Member’s Only jacket.”

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009

Malicious Obedience

The Modus Operandi adopted by those who work for people convinced of their own infallible decision-making prowess, where one gleefully does what they’re told, even though they know it’s misguided, and waiting for the moment when it all blows up in their supervisor’s face. The precursor to schadenfreude. Term introduced on the Handyman for the Common Man web-only TV show.

Mildred: “I can’t believe the IT Department insists on designing our web site without consulting you, the Graphic Designer, but then expects you to create the lame artwork for it the day before we go live.”
Trev: “I have pledged them my full and complete malicious obedience. It’ll be a disaster, fo’ shizzle.”

by The Handy Writer May 10, 2009