The Gonzo Lecture's definitions

Wednesday

A teaching day in the middle of the week designed by universities to ruin both weekends for academics.

Academic wife: Hey honey, come watch "Homes Under the Hammer" with me!"

University Academic: I can't babe, you'll have to Sky+ it. I gotta go to the campus, it's Wednesday

by The Gonzo Lecture March 25, 2010

groupwork

A learning strategy devised by academics to divert attention from themselves and their own activities, cut down on teaching time and cause the maximum amount of stress and discomfort to their students. Groupwork involves the administration of complex, indecipherable assessment tasks which students are left to spend long hours together in each others' company to figure out leading often to short periods of abusive conflict and sometimes even longer periods of fornication and even marriage.

Jemima: Professor, can you please answer me a question about our assignment?

Professor: No I can't. You see, it's groupwork. You have to figure it out together with your team mates. Why not go and ask Brad to help you. He looks like he'd be happy to straighten you out. I have to go now and see if that infernal coffee bar is open yet.

by The Gonzo Lecture March 25, 2010

Autumn Courtesy Flush

A process carried out by university administrators in the Autumn term which involves shedding students who don't turn up regularly to classes to ensure they aren't charged fees and become an unnecessary financial burden to the institution. This is performed by the student being summarily "deregistered" on the grounds that they are "inadequately engaged" on their programme of study. As a result, students find they are suddenly unable to submit coursework or access any university facilities whatsoever, thus providing proof that they are indeed no longer engaged.

Chris the student: Hey professor! Why can't I submit coursework or access any online library facilities in order to complete my term papers?

Professor: You've probably become an unwitting victim of the most recent "Autumn Courtesy Flush."

Chris: What's that?

Professor: You've been deregistered because you haven't been coming to class.

Chris: My God! But if I can't submit assignments I'll fail the year.

Professor: Yes, well you should have thought of that, shouldn't you? Anyway, good luck with your career.

by The Gonzo Lecture April 18, 2010

masturprank

A term first coined by Dr Gregory House in season 6 episode 13 to denote the feigning of a practical joke on oneself to avert suspicion from other people about one's guilt as a prankster.

Wilson:You created empirical proof that I didn't prank you selling me on the notion that you didn't prank. Maybe you self-pranked.

House: I don't masturprank

by The Gonzo Lecture March 25, 2010

needle choir

A pleasant crescendo caused by the multiple sounds of tattoo artists' needles in a tattoo studio.

Jase the Inker: Isn't that a pleasant sound to the ears of the needle choir?

Customer: Ah fuck, watch what you're doing, that really hurts you fucker!

by The Gonzo Lecture April 18, 2010

Cum Catcher

A slang term for a woman. Considered by many (mostly women) to be a derogatory term used by people (usually men) to suggest a particular woman enjoys the practice of having men ejaculating semen into and onto various parts of her body.

"She's a real fucking cum catcher..."

"Here it comes, you fucking cum catcher!"

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010

Jon Stewart

Widely considered by many to be the most important Jew on the earth.

The indisputable importance of Jon Stewart was confirmed by the Family Guy character, Mort Goldman who exclaimed “Protect Jon Stewart! He's our most important Jew!”

by The Gonzo Lecture March 3, 2010