The Fig's definitions

Middle Man

An individual who chooses to defecate or urinate in the middle stall of a three stall format bathroom of either urinals, toilets or both, where one person is already on the outside stall/urinal.

Get this...I was just about to drop a deuce, cleaned the seat up and everything, and a Middle Man came in to shit right next to me! I could see the dude's feet and everything...think it's the freak from the auditors! I pulled anchor and left to crap later, I cannot take a dump while looking at someone's feet, I effing HATE that!

by The Fig December 30, 2010

Instamacy

adverb

1) When an individual begins a romantic relationship which started on-line, and thinks that he/she has an instant, intimate connection to the other person...which just scares the shit out of the other person when there is marriage and kid talk on a first date!

2) The feeling in a nascent relationship (first date) that you're totally going to get laid that night!

3) When you meet a girl/guy for the first time and one of both of you start talking about super serious shit that happened to you as a kid when it's WAY too early

So I've got a date with this Jenn, who I met on-line, we only talked once on the phone, but emailed for like two weeks everyday and it was instamacy right away! I totally think I'm falling in-like with her, she's 5'8", nice rack, great body, and really funny...I already went to the website to figure out what our kids will look like. Would you think it was odd if someone asked you to marry them on the first date?

by The Fig March 10, 2011

Unobtainium

This crazy rock-like substance that is "hard to get" without shedding a lot of blue blood (but not Blue-Blood) used in the movie Avitar to make smart, thinking people perseverate on this STUPID word for the entire film.

Can you believe those morons who wrote/directed such a creative film were unable to come up with a better word than "unobtainium?" Who came up with this, are they still finding work writing? Are they kicking themselves? What happened to words like kryptonite?

by The Fig February 1, 2010

R.O.R. Analysis

Acronym for Return On Relationship Analysis. An evaluation of give-and-take in a relationship from an analytical perspective. Do you get more than we receive? Or do they take more than we give?

I just ran an R.O.R. Analysis in my head about this Layla I've been dating. And it just doesn't add up? I lick her lady parts like a popsicle on a hot summer day, buy dinner all the time, rub her back, say nice shit to her.

And fuck, I NEVA get my dick sucked, get little gifts, dinners, lunch or even a get taken to a stinkin' movie!

I think I'm gonna have to call it and dump her the R.O.R. says "You're an idiot if you stay with her."

slefish fellatio blowjob selfish no-blow taker giver generous

by The Fig September 6, 2016

Cute-rage

The sight of something so effing cute, such as a beagle puppy playing, or any cute puppy, or baby dressed in a onesie that makes them look like a bear or some other fuzzy cute animal. Take an already cute baby, add the onesie multiplier effect and it is too much for most passionate, feeling people to take. Once the cute-rage has occurred, this energy must be dissipated by punching something, typically a large pillow which provides enough resistance for the blows to feel satisfying or hugging the kid/dog so hard their eyes pop out; as this is not an option, you hit the pillow and run around swearing about the cuteness. Cute-rage CANNOT and does not occur with inanimate objects. The DSM only defines cute-rage to occur after seeing a living thing that is off-the-charts cute, or doing something similarly cute.

Holy fawking shit, did you see that four-year-old dressed up as a lion? He had a tail, the hood with ears a la Max from Where the Wild Things Are, whiskers painted on his chubby little cheeks! When he trick-or-treated my house I almost punched a hole in the door from the cute-rage; I was so overtaken by his off-the-charts cuteness! He even growled at me with this little kid voice before the "trick-or-treat".

by The Fig February 24, 2011

Poohberg

When a person births a turd pile so large that it fills the bowl so completely that a small portion is above the surface of the toilet water.

Last night we had Italian then drank A LOT and had late-night Mexican and thus morning I had a tremendous shit, so big I birthed a poohberg

by The Fig April 3, 2022

rub-out-room

A room in a corporate office formally known as "Wellness Room" or "Sick Room" where savvy and horny worker bees can go to masturbate or "rub one out" in privacy.

Dude, so yesterday I'm all at work and Priscilla starts sending me all kinda durtee email notes and hot-'n-steamy sexts about how she's super horny and CAN'T wait until I get off work and get to her place...but it was only 10:00 a.m.!

I immediately hit the rub-out-room and drain the venom from my cobra! There was no way I could handle seven more hours of office work with a sack full of venom!

by The Fig July 23, 2014