Telephony's definitions

Uranus

The seventh planet from the Sun, classified as an ice giant. Uranus is basically a large ball of hydrogen, methane, helium, and, to a lesser extent, ammonia which imparts a blue color. It is also very cold, with temperatures in the neighbourhood of 357° F (-216° C).

The name has become the butt (pun not intended) of many ass jokes; I think you can see why.

Some astronomers pronounce it, "ūr′·ə·nəs" (YERR'uh ness) in order to help stem the tide of Uranus-related ass jokes while others still prefer the original pronunciation, "ū·rā′·nəs" (your ANUS).

Look in this new Celestron telescope! See that little blue thing? That's Uranus.

by Telephony February 20, 2018

Santa Flush

What some people (esp. young children) call Sani Flush toilet bowl cleaner crystals.

Mom, I think you need to put some Santa Flush in the toilet; it smells funny.

by Telephony December 23, 2021

drivenf

How John Bush (at the time the singer for Anthrax pronounced the word, "driven" in the song, "Packaged Rebellion".
He also pronounced the word, "influence" as, "influencef".

♪ I don't want to how you're so drivenf ♪
♪ I don't want to know your influencef ♪
♪ I don't need to prove myself ♪
♪ I just need to be myself ♪
♪ It doesn't show how I'm trying to be ♪
♪ It just shows who I am ♪

by Telephony March 25, 2017

corporate douche

The president of a company who has lousy, bottom-of-the-barrel customer service and even shittier TV commercials is known as a corporate douche.
The corporate version of an asshaberdasher.

The head of Wall*Mart is such a huge corporate douche for having commercials made using that swollen and distended urine-yellow smiley dressed up in a Zorro costume floating around, breaking shit, and hacking at store price flares with this big-ass knife!

by Telephony August 12, 2016

bloody hatchet wound

Slang term for the female cunt; esp. if that pussy's owner is on the rag.

Don't fuck Jessica tonight; she has a bloody hatchet wound and you'll get your dick covered in her menstruation!!!

by Telephony September 30, 2018

windometer

Plain and simple: an anemometer.
An anemometer is an instrument used for measuring wind speed.

Winds were clocked with my stupid sodding "rotten cat pee yellow" portable digital "windometer" (as JD from JD Quad in the UK calls them even though those things are actually called, "anemometers") ;-) as being variable to 3.60mph (4.36kph) at the surface.

by Telephony May 25, 2019

ass mallet

Another term for an asshole.

{Seen on a drone aerial video on YouTube}:

While I was flying the drone, I "heard" a jingle for Bob's Discount Furniture but with altered lyrics.
To wit:

♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics ♪
♪ From your βµṁ#Ø£€** to your ṕ€nµs

♪ Some ass mallet pee'd on a fembot!!! ♪
{~850ms pause}
♪ Bob's Bob-O-Pedics! ♪

by Telephony September 17, 2021