StormSworder's definitions

spider

One of evolution's greatest success stories. There are spiders all over the world, and the oldest known fossil spider is 380 million years old. Spiders are eight-legged and carnivorous, use silk in a variety of ways depending on the species. Many spin cobwebs to catch prey, larger spiders line the edge of their burrows with web. The bolas spider is named because it throws a line of web ending in a sticky lump to catch prey. Spiders inspire fear and revulsion, quite undeserved, but probably not helped by years of movies telling us spiders are humanity's enemies. Schools are not much more helpful. I still remember a science teacher telling us a black widow was the size of a human hand, which is rubbish. There are some dangerously venomous spiders, like widow spiders, funnelweb spiders, brown recluse spiders and brazilian wandering spiders, but they are a tiny minority of the huge number of spiders in the world. Just to drag some widely-held beliefs into the light of reality:
1: Spiders are not watching you. Most, apart from some jumping spiders, have very poor eyesight.
2: Spiders do not come out of plug-holes. A spider in the bath has fallen down there and can't get out due to the bath's slippery sides.
3: Large hairy spiders are not automatically dangerous. In fact nobody has ever died from a tarantula bite.
4: Women are not automatically scared of spiders. In fact most of the calls the British Tarantula Society gets regarding fear of spiders are from worried men.

Hysterical person: Help! I saw a spider! I'm not going to bed! It might be there waiting for me!
Other person: What makes you think any self-respecting spiders would want to get into your bed?

by StormSworder August 15, 2006

white van man

A threat to road safety, these kinds of so-called drivers spend their time wolf-whistling at women, making stupid gestures with their hands at passers-by and generally carrying on as though they're on the dodgems. They can be found in vans of any colour, or other vehicles such as lorries, but the white van seems to have become traditional with people whose IQs are lower than their shoe size. They are often fat and reckon they're well'ard and'll give yer a slap, yer know wot I mean, mate?

A short guide to white van man hand signals.
Middle finger = "This is the number of my IQ"
Hand-cranking gesture = "This is what I do often because I can't pull a bird on account of too many of them having a brain".
Honking their horn = "I'm a complete inadequate and my vehicle's an altermnative to a dick".

by Stormsworder January 6, 2007

david cameron

The current leader of the UK Conservative party, David Cameron just about sums up the Tories as of late. The UK government has never been so openly and blatantly corrupt, sleazy, spiteful and dishonest. Any half-decent opposition would have knocked the New Labour party into oblivion after their first term in power. Which shows just how useless the Tory party is. Cameron himself is an ex-Etonian, stuck atop an ivory tower with no idea of the working classes or life outside his pampered little world. Since becoming leader he is hell-bent on turning the Tories into an immitation of New Labour (why have an opposition in that case?) and is determined to go soft on crime, trying to generate sympathy for criminals. Pity he can't show any sympathy for the victims. Like Blair, Cameron is just window-dressing for a party obsessed with PC, PR and image. If you ask me, the remaining Tories true to the party's principles should break away and form their own party. See how long Cameron and his band of spoon-fed, liberal soft-heads survive on their own. The latest PC stunt, appointing an asian female MP, had blown up in Cameron's face, as she is talking more sense than all his cronies put together and no-one can accuse her of racism or sexism. I say Patel for the next leader of the Tory party.

David Cameron doesn't want the Tory party to come to power, let's be honest. Because if they get elected, the Tories won't have a clue what they're supposed to do. Unless....
Cameron: "Er, excuse me, Tony. Hang on a minute, will you. What exactly is it a government is supposed to do?"

by Stormsworder December 1, 2006

prince charles

Prince Charles is a man who preeches about global warming and the environment, despite owning something like 40 cars. He rants on about animal cruelty and animal rights, despite going hunting and shooting. Then he starts wondering why no-one takes him seriously. He believes in a Britain which doesn't exist and never did exist, except in fairy-tales, in which the peasants all love their royal rulers. He has more or less finished off any remaining respect or love anybody in Britain had for the royal family.

Oh no, there's Prince Charles on the TV ranting on about something. Let's turn over to the 'Best of the Test-card'. That should be far more entertaining.

by StormSworder August 15, 2006

cheap

1: Not very expensive. The word cheap, however, is best avoided when selling cut-price items or bargains. Nobody likes to be thought of as 'cheap'.
2: A girl who is generous with her favours, to put it politely.
3: Lacking in imagination. Eg: 'cheap' ways of getting you to lose lives in a video game.
4: Someone who spends their life not paying their way. (eg: cheapskate).

The special effects in that film were really cheap. Looked like they'd put a collection bottle on a pub bar and paid for the effects out of the procedings.

by Stormsworder February 4, 2007

Dr N.Gin

N.Gin is a character in the Crash Bandicoot series of video games. He first appeared in Crash Bandicoot 2, as the right-hand-man of the power-mad Dr Neo Cortex. He is a physicist who, with his mech-suits, has played the part of end-of-area boss in some of the Crash games. He has been playable in the racing games Crash Team Racing, Crash Nitro Kart and Crash Tag Team Racing. Physically he is a short, squat ginger-haired man dressed in some kind of white coat with what look like metal studs. Half his head is metallic. This came about due to one of his own missiles going wrong and hitting him in the head. Due to his scientific prowess he was able to stop it exploding. In Crash Tag Team Racing he is dressed like a goth, and his vocalisations whenever Crash hits him have led to some people suggesting he is a massochist (although he could just be mocking Crash's attempts to hurt him).

I'm off to the governmnent's meeting on world peace. Maybe I'll bump into Dr N.Gin.

by Stormsworder December 20, 2006

bully

Someone who, at school, is too lazy to work and sees no reason why any one else should. Despite their parading about, bullies are physical cowards who will only pick on those weaker than themselves. They usually finish up in and out of jail or serving behind the fish counter until they're 70. Bullies can also be found in the work-place, or hanging around streets and pubs looking for trouble. Grown-up bullies are basically schoolboys who've never grown up, usually because they can't deal with the adult world. Many bullies are short-arses with an inferiority complex which means they have to try to prove themselves. They are usually dated by sleazy blondes with an IQ of 4 between them. Teachers can also be bullies, which means that bullying problems among the school-children don't go away as the bullying teachers pick on the weaker boys.

That pair of bullies have just pushed someone onto the ground and repeatedly kicked him in the face and head. They then ran away before he could get up. What big brave men they are. I want them to arse-bandit me. All worship the bully.

by Stormsworder April 8, 2007