StormSworder's definitions

cd-r

CD-Rs are shiny disc-shaped objects which are sold in packs of about fifty. Once purchased, they can be used as bird-tables, wheels for large toy cars, hula-hoop rings your pet stick insect can use to keep itself in shape or things you can twirl around on top of sticks like in kids' variety shows. They can also be instrumental for your survival. If you are ever attacked by a T-Rex or other dangerous flesh-eating dinosaur, use the shiny surface of the CD-R to reflect the sunlight into its eyes. This will dazzle the beast and allow you valuable time to escape.

Note: CD-Rs are not for use with any kind of computer. If you put one in the disc drive and try to save any documents or data on it, you'll get a message telling you to insert a disc in the disc drive. That means the kind of disc which can be recorded on. These kinds of discs are currently on sale in most good stores on the planet Arcturus 3, or you can order them from Merlin's Mystic Store of Magic (ask for Harry).

by Stormsworder October 16, 2007

vagina

Female genetalia. Has an opening in which the male penis can be inserted. Is also the opening through which the baby leaves the female body. When sexually aroused, the vagina becomes moist allowing easier penetration.

Biology teacher: "Can anyone tell me the function of the vagina?"

Schoolboy sniggering from all around.

by Stormsworder April 3, 2007

justice

Something only people who can afford it ever get. This generally involves lawyers in court playing word games and generally twisting everything the accused/victim/witness says. That's assuming the case even reaches court. Thanks to the Con party, the UK legal system is burdened down by the CPS (that's Criminal Protection Service) who tie the police up with red tape, give them countless pointless forms to fill in and generally make sure as few cases as possible reach court.

Mother: "It's about time you stopped believing in Father Christmas, the Tooth Fairy, fairies at the bottom of the garden and monsters under the bed".
Son: "But they're all real!"
Mother: "And then there's justice".
Son: "Oh come on. I stopped believing in that when I was about four and a half.

by Stormsworder November 23, 2006

hellcat

1: A formidable woman.

2: One of the zoids (mechanical monsters released as wind-up and battery-operated toys, made in Japan). A Hellcat zoid looks like some kind of big cat, possibly a panther or cheetah. Its first UK release was in 1986. It was re-released in Japan in 1999 with a spelling mistake on its box (Helcat).

That mother of my girlfriend Alice is a right hellcat. Apparently she once bit a teacher's nose off after Alice was given a detention for not doing her homework.

by StormSworder August 14, 2006

swimming pool

A pool of water used for teaching children to swim or simply for swimming for relaxation or to keep fit. Outdoor ones are best avoided in summer as they end up like a swampland with wildlife to match.

Never swallow any water in a swimming pool. Ten to one someone has gone for a piss (or worse) in the pool.

by Stormsworder May 31, 2007

david cameron

The current leader of the UK Conservative party, David Cameron just about sums up the Tories as of late. The UK government has never been so openly and blatantly corrupt, sleazy, spiteful and dishonest. Any half-decent opposition would have knocked the New Labour party into oblivion after their first term in power. Which shows just how useless the Tory party is. Cameron himself is an ex-Etonian, stuck atop an ivory tower with no idea of the working classes or life outside his pampered little world. Since becoming leader he is hell-bent on turning the Tories into an immitation of New Labour (why have an opposition in that case?) and is determined to go soft on crime, trying to generate sympathy for criminals. Pity he can't show any sympathy for the victims. Like Blair, Cameron is just window-dressing for a party obsessed with PC, PR and image. If you ask me, the remaining Tories true to the party's principles should break away and form their own party. See how long Cameron and his band of spoon-fed, liberal soft-heads survive on their own. The latest PC stunt, appointing an asian female MP, had blown up in Cameron's face, as she is talking more sense than all his cronies put together and no-one can accuse her of racism or sexism. I say Patel for the next leader of the Tory party.

David Cameron doesn't want the Tory party to come to power, let's be honest. Because if they get elected, the Tories won't have a clue what they're supposed to do. Unless....
Cameron: "Er, excuse me, Tony. Hang on a minute, will you. What exactly is it a government is supposed to do?"

by Stormsworder December 1, 2006

cheap

1: Not very expensive. The word cheap, however, is best avoided when selling cut-price items or bargains. Nobody likes to be thought of as 'cheap'.
2: A girl who is generous with her favours, to put it politely.
3: Lacking in imagination. Eg: 'cheap' ways of getting you to lose lives in a video game.
4: Someone who spends their life not paying their way. (eg: cheapskate).

The special effects in that film were really cheap. Looked like they'd put a collection bottle on a pub bar and paid for the effects out of the procedings.

by Stormsworder February 4, 2007