StormSworder's definitions

Gordon Brown

Unelected Prime Minister of the UK who became PM by some kind of divine appointment and proceded to hand over any power left in the country to a load of unelected sharks in the EU. When he was chancellor, Brown squandered money like it was going out of style. He wasted billions on illegal invasions, stupid pet projects like the Dome, employing a legion of civil servants and quangos, and sold Britain's gold reserves when the value of gold was at an all-time low. He ended up taxing everyone to death and raiding pensions. Basically he has always wanted the job of PM, isn't bothered in the slightest if he has no idea of what he's supposed to do. Now the likes of Milliband are sharpening their knives, waiting to steal his crown, but to be honest he has nothing to worry about. His party is just a collection of gutless no-hopers who between them couldn't run a bath.

If I was a parent or teacher and I saw Gordon Brown coming towards the school playground grinning that grin of his I think I'd call the police.

by Stormsworder October 17, 2008

bully

Someone who, at school, is too lazy to work and sees no reason why any one else should. Despite their parading about, bullies are physical cowards who will only pick on those weaker than themselves. They usually finish up in and out of jail or serving behind the fish counter until they're 70. Bullies can also be found in the work-place, or hanging around streets and pubs looking for trouble. Grown-up bullies are basically schoolboys who've never grown up, usually because they can't deal with the adult world. Many bullies are short-arses with an inferiority complex which means they have to try to prove themselves. They are usually dated by sleazy blondes with an IQ of 4 between them. Teachers can also be bullies, which means that bullying problems among the school-children don't go away as the bullying teachers pick on the weaker boys.

That pair of bullies have just pushed someone onto the ground and repeatedly kicked him in the face and head. They then ran away before he could get up. What big brave men they are. I want them to arse-bandit me. All worship the bully.

by Stormsworder April 8, 2007

kryten

An android from the sci-fi/comedy series Red Dwarf, Kryten looks like a human wearing metallic clothes, but has a cube-like, geometric head. He became a regular in Series 3, played by Robert Llewellyn, but was actually first seen in an episode of Series 2 in which the Red Dwarf crew find him on a crashed spacecraft. He has been programmed to look after the crew of the marooned craft, but didn't realise they had been dead for many years. Played by Dave Ross, his original character was based on the butler in 'The Admirable Crichton'. Taken back to Red Dwarf, he was persuaded to rebel against Rimmer's task-master treatment and went joy-riding on Lister's space bike. In the Series 3 prologue (freeze-frame the tape/DVD to read it) it was revealed he had crashed, and that Lister had put him back together but had been unable to restore his original personality. Since then Lister has fought a losing battle trying to encourage Kryten to break his programming (by developing emotions, being able to lie etc). It has been revealed that Kryten can change heads, can detach his hand and send it to bring help, and can remove his eyes (useful for when communicating with human-hating psychotic androids).

Kryten: What a smeeee. What a smeeeee. What a smeeeeeee heeeeeeeee....

by Stormsworder October 18, 2006

sea monster

Ever since the human race took to the high seas there have been stories of unidentified sea monsters. Even in this age of science, there are still sightings of sea beasts which go unexplained. Many sightings, I'm certain, can be explained away by giant squid, whales and the like, but there still remains the fact that only one per-cent of the sea has been properly explored. Megaladon, a giant prehistoric shark, is said to have died out millions of years ago, but teeth only thousands of years old have been found. Some sea monsters resemble plesiosaurs, a kind of dinosaur-like animal thought to have died out some sixty-five million years ago. Scientists claim a cold-blooded reptile would never be able to tolerate the cold water. This is despite the fact that plesiosaurs (as well as icthiosaurs) are known to have inhabited freezing seas. And, as dinosaurs are now thought to have been warm-blooded, I see no reason why animals like plesiosaurs couldn't have also been warm-blooded. One famous sea monster is 'Morgawr', an unidentified animal said to live around Falmouth Bay in Cornwall. Two photographs, sent into a newspaper in the seventies by 'Mary F', show what seems to be a curious long-necked animal. However, as they are both in silhouette and 'Mary F' has never revealed herself, I don't know quite what to make of these photos. Though personally I'm sure there are many animals, maybe including plesiosaurs or plesiosaur-like animals, still awaiting discovery in the sea.

I often despair of people who seem to make it their life's work to prove some sea monster or lake monster doesn't exist. Whatever has happened to the human urge to explore and discover the unknown?

by Stormsworder December 30, 2006

swimming pool

A pool of water used for teaching children to swim or simply for swimming for relaxation or to keep fit. Outdoor ones are best avoided in summer as they end up like a swampland with wildlife to match.

Never swallow any water in a swimming pool. Ten to one someone has gone for a piss (or worse) in the pool.

by Stormsworder May 31, 2007

creationism

This is a belief which was invented to explain why we are all here. Basically it states that the world was created by some greater being (God). But then who created God? The theory of Creationsim falls flat through stating the Earth is thousands of years old, despite the fact it was proved to be billions of years old through scientific research. Creationists mock the theory of evolution and condemn the teaching of evolution at school. Evolution seems like the most sensible theory to me. Ah, but then howcome there are so many gaps in the evolutionary pathway? For one thing, it is a real fluke that an animal survives in fossil form, a billion-to-one chance requiring exactly the right geological conditions. Yes, we have a lot of skeletons in museums, but they are nothing when you consider how many animals have existed over the history of time. For another thing, it has been suggested that evolution takes place in jumps rather than gradually (a new, more evolved species suddenly starts appearing, gradualy takes over the older species). As for the teaching of evolution at school, it is taught as a theory. You don't have to believe in it. On the other hand, teaching Creationism at school involves indoctrinating children. I still remember being told that "God is always watching us and can punish us if we act or think wrongly". It makes me laugh when certain Creationists complain about CCTV cameras everywhere or the government spying on us all. Beliefs like Creationism were the Big Brother and the CCTV cameras of their day, were used to control the working classes. Now George W Bush is talking about teaching Creationism in schools in the USA instead of evolution. I can't help feeling all he really wants to do is create a brainwashed army to fight a religious war against Muslims.

A certain Creationism-believing journalist equates anyone who believes in evolution with genocidal murderers, tells us how narrow-minded they are. That's funny, because the religious people I've met are some of the most narrow-minded, snobbish, hypoctrical bigots I've ever had the misfortune the come across.

by Stormsworder December 7, 2006

snout

1: An animal's nose. Also used as an insult for someone with a big nose, or to describe a greedy businessman (eg: snout in the trough).
2: A cigarette (other slang terms for this include fag, cancer stick and coffin nail).
3: A police informant. The term presumably derives from the informant 'sniffing out villains'. Other slang terms for a police informant include grass, stool-pigeon and copper's nark.

"Getting snout in jail is a nightmare if you used to be a police snout".

by Stormsworder June 7, 2007