Similar to a Fitbit around your wrist, this device goes around your waist. Every time you defecate, it will sense that you are about to excrete fecal matter and will start going to work. With its advanced detection system, this device will calculate the amount of snickers dropped in the punch bowl, total squeezes of the sphincter, and will even detect the development of hemorrhoids during the painful process of squeezing out your piping hot logs. At the end of the week, the device will send you a report of how many dumps you have taken each day. It will also recommend lifestyle changes if you are dropping the kids off at the pool too frequently throughout the week. This device is available for a price of $69.99.
Tyrant: Yo dude, my shits have been crazy lately. The tater tots I ate yesterday legit blew through me like a laxative. I bought a Shitbit to help me track how many times I shit per day and the number is astounding. On average, i shit about 4 to 5 times a day.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
Big Easy: Bro you might want to see a doctor about that. It seems kinda unhealthy.
Tyrant: Nah dude, doctors are overrated. That’s why I bought a Shitbit. It recommends specific lifestyle changes and even gives you words of encouragement like Siri does sometimes.
Big Easy: Siri and I had sex once.
by Stoney69 March 06, 2019
Having two computer monitors for the purpose of watching porn. This will allow the viewer to listen to the moaning through two high definition speakers, which makes for some great fondling and erotic ejaculations.
Big Easy: Dude, I was plowing my wife last night, and she was moaning like a whale on crack.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out it’s blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
Juicy J: Bro, me and my chick were watching some porn on some Dual Moanitors last night. The shit was electric and I swear I blew a load like a whale blows water out it’s blowhole. It really works wonders.
Big Easy: Wow... I have never been so proud of you in my life.
by Stoney69 March 16, 2019
An angry old man who has lost all of his morals and doesn’t give a fuck anymore. He goes around and seeks out random women to blow his loads on.
Big Sleezy: Yo Tyrant, I saw this old dude blowing his loads all over the place last week. Dude must be getting castrated or something soon.
Tyrant: Nah dude, that’s just the local Cum-mudgeon. That dude sprays his loads on any and every woman he sees. Idk how he doesn’t run out of sperm, that dude can go for days.
Big Sleezy: I want to be like him when I grow up...
Tyrant: Nah dude, that’s just the local Cum-mudgeon. That dude sprays his loads on any and every woman he sees. Idk how he doesn’t run out of sperm, that dude can go for days.
Big Sleezy: I want to be like him when I grow up...
by Stoney69 March 02, 2019
When you pounding a girl so hard with your girthy salami stick, that it causes cracks in her snatch region. In rare cases, the aftercocks can be so powerful, that they cause a rectal prolapse. ER trips are strongly recommended if this occurs, but only skanks and weenie hut JR. members actually go to the ER.
Miguel Cumbrera: Yo hombre, we hitting the casino tonight? I hear they’re doing strip poker.
Stoney Tonio: Yo cabrón, sheeeeeet I can’t tonight. I gave my girl a girthquake. I thought I was just taking her to pound town, turns out I took her to pound country, and busted up her clam bake. Now she has two cracks down there 🤣
MC: Dawg you’re gonna have to teach me that one. We can try it at strip poker next time. There are loads of loose grannies down at the casino waiting to be plunked by our micro Slim James.
SA: Sheeet home sizzle, sounds good to me, I’m getting a half Chubb just thinking about it. I’m listening to Girth Brooks right now to get in the mood.
Stoney Tonio: Yo cabrón, sheeeeeet I can’t tonight. I gave my girl a girthquake. I thought I was just taking her to pound town, turns out I took her to pound country, and busted up her clam bake. Now she has two cracks down there 🤣
MC: Dawg you’re gonna have to teach me that one. We can try it at strip poker next time. There are loads of loose grannies down at the casino waiting to be plunked by our micro Slim James.
SA: Sheeet home sizzle, sounds good to me, I’m getting a half Chubb just thinking about it. I’m listening to Girth Brooks right now to get in the mood.
by Stoney69 July 29, 2022
When you have such copious amounts of pubic hair, that you have to reach around your bush to pull your monkey, causing an inconvenient delay.
Big Easy: Yo bro, my wife won’t let me smash so I’ve had to tug on my rope lately. It’s also no shave November, so I’ve had to beat around the bush.
Tyrant: When you say beating around the bush, you mean like delaying the shaving of your man shrubs?
Big Easy: No I literally have to beat around my bush. I got more hair down there than Rapunzel.
Tyrant: Sounds like a hairy situation.
Tyrant: When you say beating around the bush, you mean like delaying the shaving of your man shrubs?
Big Easy: No I literally have to beat around my bush. I got more hair down there than Rapunzel.
Tyrant: Sounds like a hairy situation.
by Stoney69 November 30, 2019
Step 1: Get a slutty chick, 2 horny bros and a jet ski.
Step 2: Position the hoe in between the 2 dudes and start the engine.
Step 3: The gutter slut proceeds to pump both dudes off as they glide across the moist bay.
Step 2: Position the hoe in between the 2 dudes and start the engine.
Step 3: The gutter slut proceeds to pump both dudes off as they glide across the moist bay.
Tyrunt: Yo bro tryna go jet skiing this summer?
Big Queasy: Nah that’s for geeks. I only go jitt-skiing with my boy and his tranny girl. It’s a hell of a time and we drink Coronas after.
Tyrunt: You’re my bedtime hero.
Big Queasy: Nah that’s for geeks. I only go jitt-skiing with my boy and his tranny girl. It’s a hell of a time and we drink Coronas after.
Tyrunt: You’re my bedtime hero.
by Stoney69 April 03, 2020
This is similar to the move in the Mario Brother’s games and can be preformed by either a woman or a man. If a woman is performing, she jumps from a perched location and tries to land her cooch right on the man’s wang. If the man is performing, he attempts to achieve a hole in one in the woman’s snatch. Failure to penetrate = unimaginable pain and possibly an ER visit.
Tyrant: Yo big easy, why didn’t you come golfing yesterday?
Big Easy: Dawg, my dick is broken. I attempted a Ground Pound on my wife, and I totally missed. My dick ran right into the ground, and now it’s more purple than a rotten eggplant.
Tyrant: Just rub some neosporin on it and you should be fine.
Big Easy: Dawg, my dick is broken. I attempted a Ground Pound on my wife, and I totally missed. My dick ran right into the ground, and now it’s more purple than a rotten eggplant.
Tyrant: Just rub some neosporin on it and you should be fine.
by Stoney69 June 28, 2019