Legally tugboat is like "Legally Blond" but without and blond and with the tugboat: meaning smart, short, ugly, and fat. She is type of girl your friend sets you up with by saying "she had a nice personality!" Like a tugboat, she looks like she wears a couple of tires around her waist the prevent hip damage!!!!!
Hey man, how did that date go the other night with that girl? Well, she never sent me a body shot, but when I met her, she was "legally tugboat!" Meaning, she went to law school, but was the ugliest chick there; nevertheless my cock thrusts were absorbed by her tire buffers and I blew a load all over her face!
by Stagmen June 06, 2021
A person who pillages and plunders any penis-shaped vegetable so he can stick it up his own ass or the ass of his pirated partner
Dude, he is hanging out with all the chicks, why? Dude, he is not a threat to them, since he is a zucchini pirate looking only for homo vegetable play friends, arg!!!
by Stagmen March 29, 2017
A phrase to show that someone is completely clueless. The Egyptian two-step in when a male exits the bathroom after urination but forgets to zip his fly, such that his junk swings to one side with a right step, then swings to the other with a left step. The male is totally clueless that this is occurring.
Did he realize that he just misfired the weapon in the wrong direction? No? Have him do the Egyptian two-step over to do some push ups.
by Stagmen February 23, 2017
Banging an ugly woman without having to look at OR listen to her and picturing a beautiful woman in her place. The two bagger and some tape involves tape for over her mouth so you don't hear her talking during the deed, a bag for over her head so you don't have to look at her, and a bag for over your head in case the one over hers breaks.
Dude, how did the date go with that annoying girl, who had the face that looked like an old shoe? Oh my god, she was not just a two bagger. She was a two bagger and some tape. She was so annoying to talk to, and so ugly, but I needed to get laid so bad that I simply put some tape over her mouth, put bags on both of our heads. I then did the deed while picturing young Pamela Anderson's tits and ass.
by Stagmen October 03, 2017
A one-time trick that you play on someone who is clueless to your mischieviousness. Ask the clueless person if you have a hole in the seat of your pants because it feels breezy. When the person looks and says no ask the person to look closer. When they get closer to your butt, unsuspectingly looking for a hole, you let out a good old stinky fart!
He is so stupid. I did the Dutch Inquiry on him. He put his face right by my ass looking for the hole and I let out the noxious fumes of a burrito fart.
by Stagmen April 23, 2017
When you press your butt against a hard, flat-surfaced chair and fart, but there is no place for the gas to escape except up the crack of your ass. and out at the top.
Dude, I laid the biggest periscope fart in detention. I press my butt cheeks against the hard chair and farted and the gas came bubbling up the crack of my ass and peeked out at the top!
by Stagmen June 20, 2017
When you are sitting at a table eating with some boring friends, you pull your balls out of the side of your shorts, put your wrist on your thigh, put your balls on top of your wrist, and say to your friends "hey, have you seen my new wristwatch?" Your friends then look and see your balls on your wrist.
by Stagmen November 30, 2016