23 definitions by Sacredfart
When you’re in the hospital for long periods of time and your ankles blow up like little balloons. This happens cause IV fluids and limited range of motion.
*it’s 3am, the unit is dark and quiet and the patient is in a deep sleep*
Patient: “what are you doing?”
Nurse: “shhh, I’m looking at your feet, go back to sleep.”
Patient: “what?”
Nurse: “you have a severe case of hospital kankles.”
Patient: “what are you doing?”
Nurse: “shhh, I’m looking at your feet, go back to sleep.”
Patient: “what?”
Nurse: “you have a severe case of hospital kankles.”
by Sacredfart November 17, 2022
A typa school where Karen parents send their special little snowflake kids. They think their kids are learning until the kids enter a traditional high school and don’t know basic math.
Teacher: “I can’t keep tutoring this kid after school every week. He has like 9 other tutors but he just doesn’t understand the content. He’s like 3 grade levels behind.”
Parent: “that’s impossible, he went to Montessori. He’s perfect, absolutely my flawless angel, you are a BASTARD for considering such a thing of him being behind. He is only too smart for you peasants.”
Parent: “that’s impossible, he went to Montessori. He’s perfect, absolutely my flawless angel, you are a BASTARD for considering such a thing of him being behind. He is only too smart for you peasants.”
by Sacredfart February 20, 2023
When you’re all combative in the hospital we give this drug (B52) to you to knock you the fuck out. It’s a great nap until you wake up. B52 is also the most epic drug name ever and it really gets the point across.
Patient: “yoooo guess what?”
Other patient: “what?”
Patient: “remember that one code gray at around 7pm on march 22nd in the pediatric ED in room 1?”
Other patient: “ummm what did you do?”
Patient: “beat the shit outta the doctor for being a doctor, got B52 and everything.”
Other patient: “haha dope.”
*fistbump*
Other patient: “what?”
Patient: “remember that one code gray at around 7pm on march 22nd in the pediatric ED in room 1?”
Other patient: “ummm what did you do?”
Patient: “beat the shit outta the doctor for being a doctor, got B52 and everything.”
Other patient: “haha dope.”
*fistbump*
by Sacredfart March 31, 2023
A code gray is the thing that they call at hospitals when they need off duty/on duty police in a room real quickly. So it’s just a more badass and insider slang way of saying you got arrested. Usually it means you got arrested in a hospital but it can just refer to getting arrested in any place where it’s a super urgent situation.
Patient: “okay okay so I was like in the ED yesterday right.”
Friend: “go on go on.”
Patient: “yeah so I was feelin all dizzy all wonky and shit.”
Friend: “yeah yeah yeah from baseline tachycardia?”
Patient: “yeah but like the PA comes in right and this mfer went on about tellin me that my dizziness be from a drug that I just did like half a titration on and shit.”
Friend: “ohhh that’s a misdiagnosis.”
Patient: “yeah like that that mfer ain’t even read an EKG like she ain’t even see that I was experiencing SVT rhythm and she ain’t even look at the P wave orrrr the T wave.”
Friend: “that’s cap cause you can miss the T wave but the P wave? What bullshit.”
Patient: “oh wait there’s more.”
Friend: “lemme guess, a trough proved their bullshit.”
Patient: “nahhhh these mfers refused to run a trough but the fucked thing is that I had a trough prior to titration and it was at a 7.”
Friend: “no fuckin wayyyy, these mfers full of shit.”
Patient: “yeah so I beat the shit outta the PA and then I got code grayed.”
Friend: “go on go on.”
Patient: “yeah so I was feelin all dizzy all wonky and shit.”
Friend: “yeah yeah yeah from baseline tachycardia?”
Patient: “yeah but like the PA comes in right and this mfer went on about tellin me that my dizziness be from a drug that I just did like half a titration on and shit.”
Friend: “ohhh that’s a misdiagnosis.”
Patient: “yeah like that that mfer ain’t even read an EKG like she ain’t even see that I was experiencing SVT rhythm and she ain’t even look at the P wave orrrr the T wave.”
Friend: “that’s cap cause you can miss the T wave but the P wave? What bullshit.”
Patient: “oh wait there’s more.”
Friend: “lemme guess, a trough proved their bullshit.”
Patient: “nahhhh these mfers refused to run a trough but the fucked thing is that I had a trough prior to titration and it was at a 7.”
Friend: “no fuckin wayyyy, these mfers full of shit.”
Patient: “yeah so I beat the shit outta the PA and then I got code grayed.”
by Sacredfart April 1, 2023
Also known as MPD. This is a disorder occurring in children or adolescents that transition from a Montessori school to a traditional school. There are 2 types.
Symptoms:
- lack of understanding social cues
- lack of math skills
- lack of general content knowledge (ie history, science)
- difficulty making friends
- trauma
- Type 1 specific symptoms: aggressive and or violent patterns of behavior, anger issues, overly literal thinking
- Type 2 specific symptoms: social withdrawal, social anxiety, overly abstract thinking
Treatment: rehab
Outlook: patients usually make a full recovery within 3-6 years if they have proper interventions.
Symptoms:
- lack of understanding social cues
- lack of math skills
- lack of general content knowledge (ie history, science)
- difficulty making friends
- trauma
- Type 1 specific symptoms: aggressive and or violent patterns of behavior, anger issues, overly literal thinking
- Type 2 specific symptoms: social withdrawal, social anxiety, overly abstract thinking
Treatment: rehab
Outlook: patients usually make a full recovery within 3-6 years if they have proper interventions.
Psychologist: “I’m so sorry I have to have this conversation today, I always hate telling such devastating news to parents.”
Parent: “does my kid have brain AIDS?”
Psychologist: “worse, your son suffers from Montessori Personality Disorder, my condolences.”
Parent: “does my kid have brain AIDS?”
Psychologist: “worse, your son suffers from Montessori Personality Disorder, my condolences.”
by Sacredfart February 20, 2023
Your Honor what you found in my car was just a bunch of sugar I have never even heard of cockaine and I have nothing of the sort.
by Sacredfart May 20, 2023
Me: *doing some shit I’m not supposed to be doing.*
Me: *stops suddenly.*
Friend: “are you okay?”
Me: “yeah there’s a narc behind me.”
Friend: “oh you mean-“
Me: “shut the fuuuuuuck shhhhh don’t say her name, don’t make eye contact, if you say it three times in the mirror she’ll appear in your dreams and make you complete your competency checklist.”
Friend: “stop being ridiculous, she’s no narc.”
She: *walks over the admin.*
Admin: “so you’ve been watching him (friend), you have any more reports?”
She: “yeah it showed on that camera I put in his window that he was watching an R rated movie with his 16 year old brother. You have to be 17 to do that.”
Friend: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!”
Me: “whatever I’m going home.”
Friend: “what’s wrong with you? Back me up!”
Me: “no way, you’re own fault that you didn’t listen to my narcdar.
Me: *stops suddenly.*
Friend: “are you okay?”
Me: “yeah there’s a narc behind me.”
Friend: “oh you mean-“
Me: “shut the fuuuuuuck shhhhh don’t say her name, don’t make eye contact, if you say it three times in the mirror she’ll appear in your dreams and make you complete your competency checklist.”
Friend: “stop being ridiculous, she’s no narc.”
She: *walks over the admin.*
Admin: “so you’ve been watching him (friend), you have any more reports?”
She: “yeah it showed on that camera I put in his window that he was watching an R rated movie with his 16 year old brother. You have to be 17 to do that.”
Friend: “WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!”
Me: “whatever I’m going home.”
Friend: “what’s wrong with you? Back me up!”
Me: “no way, you’re own fault that you didn’t listen to my narcdar.
by Sacredfart April 5, 2023