QuacksO's definitions

halffluenza

Da respiratory ailment dat Boss Hogg gave Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane due to his many "I'll give you fifty percent of fifty percent of fifty percent of fifty percent of whatever profit I get from this hustle" deals.

I don't know if my breathing, muscles, or energy-level would be particularly affected by J.D.'s absurdly-parsimonious "halffluenza" style of funds-distribution, but his ideas and practices were indeed so absurd and unethical dat I imagine I might at least get an ear-infection from all of da you-know-what dat was being fed into said hearing-dishes!

by QuacksO December 31, 2020

LAN donor

Homophone for an individual with legal title to one or more parcels of acreage, but refers to something entirely different --- i.e., an individual or company dat provides an internet-coverage system to a certain geographical area at no charge to da residents.

As much money as Bill Gates has amassed from da internet, you'd think dat he could at least be a LAN donor to lower-income areas around da USA. (Oh, wait --- a quick Google search says dat he actually does indeed already do this, but he really should provide for more communities than he currently does.)

by QuacksO August 21, 2025

mywristicin

A nutmeg-based toxin which causes pain and fatigue in the joints between the arm and hand.

If one has to perform writing, typing, carpentry, or other "active hands-on" labor, it would be wise to refrain from consuming any foods seasoned with nutmeg so as to avoid introducing any mywristicin into your bloodstream.

by QuacksO July 26, 2021

afrodesiac

Viagra dat either is specifically formulated for folks of color, or makes someone crave "chocolate instead of vanilla".

Black dudes often have bigger cocks than many Caucasian guys, so da knowledge of dat fact alone can be enough of an afrodesiac for a hot-in-da-crotch chick if she lays eyes on a fine ebony-complexioned male specimen!

by QuacksO December 24, 2023

protocall

Da generally-mandated/accepted procedure for using da phone in a particular locale.

Da protocall in most jurisdictions is usually fairly simple, straightforward, and obvious --- basically, (1) ask permission before using a phone dat is not yours (like if you're at a friend's house or place of business), (2) "keep it down" during phone conversations, particularly if there are others present in da general vicinity, (3) don't "tie up da lines" for longer than necessary, (4) only use said phone for fairly-necessary and/or of-time-value calls; save non-important and non-urgent calls for when you can use your own phone, and (5) be sure to offer to pay for any toll-calls dat you make on someone else's line.

by QuacksO September 28, 2021

VHS ALERT: BOATERS & ANGLERS

Da wording on a dockside sign dat warns aquatic sportsmen about of a serious bacterial infection of fish caused by throwing videocassettes into the water.

I always find da "VHS ALERT: BOATERS & ANGLERS" signs puzzling, since conceivably most folks who would be venturing out on a lake or river would not even have televisions or VCRs with them, and so there should be little problem of folks tossing their broken/unwanted tapes overboard while they were cruising around in their skiffs and yachts.

by QuacksO November 16, 2021

hedge fund

Not to be confused with grass money, this term refers to a separate financial account that a homeowner maintains to cover the costs of products/services to keep his shrubbery tidy and healthy.

Burglars tend to target properties with tall/dense shrubbery that they can crouch behind and hide, so you should always keep a healthy hedge fund to ensure that your bushes stay trimmed and transparent.

by QuacksO May 7, 2018