Pantaloon's definitions

cell phone

Small silver block that characters on detective television shows,all the CSIs, and "House" pull out of their pockets when the writers can't get off the bong long enough to come up with a better plot device. This cube magically give the characters the next surprising clue which allows the story to dangle or move to its surprise ending, depending on how close to the end of the hour it is. See DNA EVIDENCE

Plot direction:
Caruso:I'll see you in hell/jail/syndication.
(reach into pocket for cell phone) Caruso (pause, adjust glasses, or draw back sport coat to get good handle on waist). I'm coming in.
Peripheral Snarky CSI Staffer: Who was that?
Caruso: They found-the murder weapon/killer/a time slot for CSI Des Moines.

by Pantaloon January 12, 2008

Alice's Lunch

The act of shitting in a lunch box instead of making a healthy meal. Frequent occurrence on the Popular American Television show, "The Brady Bunch."

Peter Brady opened up his Scooby Doo Lunch box to the undeniable pungency of Alice's Lunch. He tossed the fetid pile at Buddy Hinton, who was just glad it wasn't a bowl of her famous hershey squirts. Alice was always had a couple of zingers ready, that was for sure.

by Pantaloon January 28, 2008

creepy office guy

Co-worker who is extremely awkward, calls at home when you never gave him your number, and has no qualms about mentioning that he got the number from your payroll info. Shows up at your new job after you leave, and at the job of some of your other former-coworkers.

The creepy office guy never leaves a message with anyone if I'm not there. But he's good for hockey tickets, so I suck it up when I need good seats.

by Pantaloon January 14, 2008

DNA

means of solving all criminal cases, no other police work is required.

1)Grissom solved the case and asked Caruso to guess how he did it. "Not DNA again!" He bellowed.

by Pantaloon January 14, 2008

taint

1)The difference maker between the vagina and the anus, or the Ball sack and another anus
2)A jumping-off point, a place of decision
3)Sweaty region that is curiously intriguing to its owner

1)He has learned that starting from the front was crucial, as one time he had boldly worked his way from the asshole forward, only to encounter a man-sized taint.
2)The presidential candidate announced that he had moved beyond his own taint, and was ready to make the sacrifice for the good of the country. He was entering the fray, and would help to heal the taints of the American people.
3)He could not help but do a quick taint test during his filibuster, and for that Senator Strom's reputation was forever tainted.

by Pantaloon January 14, 2008

mudshot

turgid wet mix of poo that is ejected with a single flexing of the gut. Shrapnel splatter is an acceptable casualty, but the bulk of the pile should be a singular paddy centered directly under anus. Often accompanied by feeling of well being and accomplishment. Underreported as the Eureka moment it is.

He lowered himself and quenched. The mudshot was almost painful, it was so beautiful. He felt himself drawn to a bright light and people who had been long dead surrounded him. It's not your time yet, they told him. There is much wiping to do. When he opened his eyes, he knew what to do. He put in his notice at work and bought a Harley that afternoon.

by Pantaloon January 14, 2008

gilligan

1)to spend time with beautiful women coming on to you with no possible consequences (it was the sixties), and yet avoid getting laid for seven years. I mean, WTF?

I'm pretty sure Herman Munster or Eddie Haskell wouldn't have pulled a Gilligan if they had their druthers.

by Pantaloon January 28, 2008