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P. Kaltenbach's definitions

Smurf-Contra Affair

The blueberries in out-of-package muffin mixes are really dead smurfs that have been stripped of their traditional clothing and put in an industrial food dehydrators. This is done to cut costs in the wake lagging muffin market of 1998 now just continued for the benefit of profit margin. They are gathered in Columbia by rebels to help pay for their Communist ambitions in the region.
The Smurf-Contra Affair is ongoing so I have declined blueberry muffins since 1998.
by P. Kaltenbach January 13, 2008
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cursive

A totally useless ancient form of writing used to promote elementary teacher laziness and the 8 hour school day.
Elementary school students believe that cursive will be used all their lives and that desks will protect them from nuclear fallout, knaves.
by P. Kaltenbach April 29, 2008
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Moon pig

A usually frighteningly ugly white woman who decides to have sexual relations with the first black man that comes around even be it a hobo. Aptly named since,

A. Usually not reconized as a synonym for jungle fever
B. She lives on the moon in a metaphorical way because that black man is just trying to get back for 150 years of slavery not start a family.
Mike: See that moon pig right there!
Me: Damn straight that dude is going to get her prego and leave. I'd hate to see that baby it's going to be ugly as shit.
by P. Kaltenbach January 13, 2008
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du hast mesh

Not as the dude above described unless you had a lisp. The real equivilant of "you hate me" is "du hasst mich".
Rammstein: Du hast mesh! Mein Sprache ist nicht sehr gut weil ich nur im Mund geschlagen wurde.
by P. Kaltenbach March 12, 2007
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The Great Smurf Wars

An event caught in many segment by celebrated documentrist Jerry Springer in which segments of the smurf peoples went to war over ideological differences in regards to Marxism or Maoism and is it morally correct to call she-males smurfettes. The brutal affair claimed many and the streets ran blue with the snot/shit/blood/guts/tears/various body parts of the little buggers. May have gone unnoticed due to inconsequence height wise.
The Great Smurf Wars claimed enough Smurfmen that muffin mix companies just pick up the bodies and add them to their mixes being cheaper than blueberrys (see Smurf-Contra Affair).
by P. Kaltenbach January 13, 2008
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Skull and Bones

When you get head and sex from someone who wants to keep their sex life secret from public life.
Suess told me over break he had a skull and bones.
by P. Kaltenbach April 6, 2008
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hulk out

Wow, those crazy ass kids really had a hulk out. Going from relatively unknown high school kids to school shooting defintions.
by P. Kaltenbach January 9, 2008
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