OneWhoKnowsBetter's definitions
If you have ever had a credit card company lose your payment you have probably experienced corporate doublespeak.
A good example; You get a late notice from your credit card company. Instead of paying the minimum you pay the entire account off. Afterward they keep sending late notices and making phone calls. You phone them, you e-mail them, and you even send letters by snail mail to them.
All responses you receive from them are in lawyer language. They admit nothing and say nothing that makes any sense except to say that you are late with your payment and you will be reported to the credit bureau. Then mysteriously two weeks after payment had been sent electronically to them the payment posts and the calls end.
A good example; You get a late notice from your credit card company. Instead of paying the minimum you pay the entire account off. Afterward they keep sending late notices and making phone calls. You phone them, you e-mail them, and you even send letters by snail mail to them.
All responses you receive from them are in lawyer language. They admit nothing and say nothing that makes any sense except to say that you are late with your payment and you will be reported to the credit bureau. Then mysteriously two weeks after payment had been sent electronically to them the payment posts and the calls end.
Wife: Why are we still getting those calls from the credit card company?
Husband: I paid them off a week ago but they say I did not. I have called them and e-mailed them. At first they act like I am lying. Then after they keep me on hold for a long time their tone turns cautious and they start talking in corporate doublespeak.
Husband: I paid them off a week ago but they say I did not. I have called them and e-mailed them. At first they act like I am lying. Then after they keep me on hold for a long time their tone turns cautious and they start talking in corporate doublespeak.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter September 16, 2012
Get the Corporate Doublespeak mug.A. Someone who fails Chemistry class.
B. Derogatory term for those who believe in the existence of Chemtrails. They believe that George Bush I & II, Obama, The Illuminati, The National Weather Service, FEMA, Big Pharma, Rich People, Wall Street, and whatever villain they dream up, Are putting chemicals in the exhaust fumes of Jet airplanes.
Those who believe in the existence of chemtrails are usually decent people who sincerely believe that they have a simple answer to all the problems of the world. They want to change things for the better
B. Derogatory term for those who believe in the existence of Chemtrails. They believe that George Bush I & II, Obama, The Illuminati, The National Weather Service, FEMA, Big Pharma, Rich People, Wall Street, and whatever villain they dream up, Are putting chemicals in the exhaust fumes of Jet airplanes.
Those who believe in the existence of chemtrails are usually decent people who sincerely believe that they have a simple answer to all the problems of the world. They want to change things for the better
Two Nigerian scammers are in a world of hurt. Their Governor has put them on his "To be killed" list. It seems that they had FINALLY scammed the wrong person on e-bay motors.
These two have made their governor millions of dollars from their scams however this flow of money appears to be ending because too many people are up in arms. They are demanding Nigeria be cut off of the internet. The governor has put the blame on these two.
The scammers know that if they can come up with a bunch more money they will be taken off the hit list, the question is how.
One of them happens to look up in the sky and sees the contrail from a jet plane and an idea forms. He tells his friend " We shall start a scam we have nothing to sell but an idea. One where people cannot prove we did anything illegal and people who believe us will defend us passionately AND, most important send us money.
Thus the chemtrail conspiracy is born. The scammers are back in the good graces of the Governor and are still scamming on e-bay motors. They call the people who support them Chemtards.
These two have made their governor millions of dollars from their scams however this flow of money appears to be ending because too many people are up in arms. They are demanding Nigeria be cut off of the internet. The governor has put the blame on these two.
The scammers know that if they can come up with a bunch more money they will be taken off the hit list, the question is how.
One of them happens to look up in the sky and sees the contrail from a jet plane and an idea forms. He tells his friend " We shall start a scam we have nothing to sell but an idea. One where people cannot prove we did anything illegal and people who believe us will defend us passionately AND, most important send us money.
Thus the chemtrail conspiracy is born. The scammers are back in the good graces of the Governor and are still scamming on e-bay motors. They call the people who support them Chemtards.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter October 23, 2014
Get the Chemtard mug.This is the cleaned up highly edited version of my original post that was rejected by editors possibly because of mild cuss words.
A. A breed of dog known as the Dachshund. It comes in both standard and miniature sizes. Their coats range from shorthair to longhair. Some are aloof to strangers and save their love for their owners. If socialized properly they will be very friendly to most BUT NOT ALL STRANGERS.
B. An affectionate term used by dachshund owners due to the breed looking like a hot dog on a bun.
C. Sometimes used as a derogatory term by people who don't like this breed of dog.
D. A word that makes former dachshund haters angry. These people are worse than former cat haters and are very defensive of this breed.
A. A breed of dog known as the Dachshund. It comes in both standard and miniature sizes. Their coats range from shorthair to longhair. Some are aloof to strangers and save their love for their owners. If socialized properly they will be very friendly to most BUT NOT ALL STRANGERS.
B. An affectionate term used by dachshund owners due to the breed looking like a hot dog on a bun.
C. Sometimes used as a derogatory term by people who don't like this breed of dog.
D. A word that makes former dachshund haters angry. These people are worse than former cat haters and are very defensive of this breed.
A man who formerly hated dachshunds is seen walking a female longhaired miniature dachshund down the street. The dog is strutting because she is proud of her new owner, loves him tremendously, and in dog language is saying "Look at us." "This is my new human and I love him."
The owner meets up with his friends. They start needling him. The one says " Yer old lady got a wiener dog and now she is MAKING you walk." " You have turned in to a pathetic wuss."
The man picks up the Idiot who made that remark by the lapels of his shirt and has his feet dangling in the air." The dachshund has flipped from happy to angry and is nipping at the victims heels. The dachshund owner says " First off you will NO call my dachshund a wiener dog again." Secondly I just had an argument with me wife." " We were arguing because she wanted to walk the dog and I wanted to walk her too." Third off you (Censored) do you ever wonder why you are 50 years old and can't keep a wife or a girlfriend for any length of time?"At that point the idiot finally makes the first right decision he's made in a long time. He apologizes. They have been friends for a long time and he does not want to hear what his friend thinks of his ability to keep a woman.
The owner meets up with his friends. They start needling him. The one says " Yer old lady got a wiener dog and now she is MAKING you walk." " You have turned in to a pathetic wuss."
The man picks up the Idiot who made that remark by the lapels of his shirt and has his feet dangling in the air." The dachshund has flipped from happy to angry and is nipping at the victims heels. The dachshund owner says " First off you will NO call my dachshund a wiener dog again." Secondly I just had an argument with me wife." " We were arguing because she wanted to walk the dog and I wanted to walk her too." Third off you (Censored) do you ever wonder why you are 50 years old and can't keep a wife or a girlfriend for any length of time?"At that point the idiot finally makes the first right decision he's made in a long time. He apologizes. They have been friends for a long time and he does not want to hear what his friend thinks of his ability to keep a woman.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 20, 2012
Get the Wiener Dog mug.A word that used to mean punishment for a child who had done wrong. When done fairly and properly the child usually did not commit that particular crime again. Some parents used it only as a means of last resort. Other parents spanked their kids for every little thing they did which actually had the opposite effect.
Spanking has fallen into disfavor these days for more "Progressive" means of "Educating" children. The advocates of the progressive system say that you must never strike a child. They say that if your child hits you with a broom handle you are to sit them down and educate them that they should not do that because it hurts people. Never tell them that it's wrong because that may hurt their self esteem and psychologically harm them,
The advocates of the progressive way are usually childless, single people who write books on how to raise your kids. They usually have long impressive titles behind their names that make them look like really smart people who know everything about raising kids. In reality they only spent as little time as possible with kids. Most of their time was spent kissing up to the professors in whatever diploma mill (College) they attended. This happens far more than you think.
Spanking has fallen into disfavor these days for more "Progressive" means of "Educating" children. The advocates of the progressive system say that you must never strike a child. They say that if your child hits you with a broom handle you are to sit them down and educate them that they should not do that because it hurts people. Never tell them that it's wrong because that may hurt their self esteem and psychologically harm them,
The advocates of the progressive way are usually childless, single people who write books on how to raise your kids. They usually have long impressive titles behind their names that make them look like really smart people who know everything about raising kids. In reality they only spent as little time as possible with kids. Most of their time was spent kissing up to the professors in whatever diploma mill (College) they attended. This happens far more than you think.
2012 parent 1;Honey look at this book!" When we have our first kid this is exactly what we will do!"
2012 parent 2; "Is that the book that advises against spanking??"
2012 parent 1; "Why yes it is!" "This person is really smart and knows what they are talking about! " Look at all those titles after their name!" This is one awesome super smart person and we will raise our kids just like they say!."
20 years later
1."Honey!! the jail called again we need bail money!"
2. "Which kid?"
1. "I dunno"
2. " I don't have it but maybe I will after I sue the idiot that wrote that book."
1. " We can't do that, they moved to the Caymans to escape paying taxes on the childcare books they write."
2. " That's right, they pushed for high taxes on the wealthy, and when the law passed they moved out of the USA to the Caymans where they still talk about everybody paying their fair share." Now they are saying that even the poor should pay taxes.
2012 parent 2; "Is that the book that advises against spanking??"
2012 parent 1; "Why yes it is!" "This person is really smart and knows what they are talking about! " Look at all those titles after their name!" This is one awesome super smart person and we will raise our kids just like they say!."
20 years later
1."Honey!! the jail called again we need bail money!"
2. "Which kid?"
1. "I dunno"
2. " I don't have it but maybe I will after I sue the idiot that wrote that book."
1. " We can't do that, they moved to the Caymans to escape paying taxes on the childcare books they write."
2. " That's right, they pushed for high taxes on the wealthy, and when the law passed they moved out of the USA to the Caymans where they still talk about everybody paying their fair share." Now they are saying that even the poor should pay taxes.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 20, 2012
Get the Spanking mug.Bob: "Hey Tim have you met John's sister yet?"
Tim; "No."
Bob; "She looks like John with tits"
Tim; "Ugh!"
Bob; " Yep she's a real erection killer."
The names in this story were changed to protect the guilty. It's based on an real conversation that happened many years ago.
Tim; "No."
Bob; "She looks like John with tits"
Tim; "Ugh!"
Bob; " Yep she's a real erection killer."
The names in this story were changed to protect the guilty. It's based on an real conversation that happened many years ago.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter March 8, 2012
Get the Erection Killer mug.A. Someone who fails chemistry class.
B. Derogatory name for people who believe in the existence of
chemtrails.
B. Derogatory name for people who believe in the existence of
chemtrails.
A. Dude I failed my chemistry class, I'm such a chemtard!
B. Dude did you just hear what Adam said? He claims the Illuminati are trying to take over the world by injecting poison in the contrails of jet planes. He is such a chemtard.
B. Dude did you just hear what Adam said? He claims the Illuminati are trying to take over the world by injecting poison in the contrails of jet planes. He is such a chemtard.
by OneWhoKnowsBetter July 10, 2012
Get the Chemtard mug.A word used by kids and adults years ago that seems to have fallen out of use but still used occasionally.
A word that a kid used when they hit their fingers accidentally with a hammer or was hurt suddenly in an unexpected way. They used this word in place of curse words like damn, damnit, or any other cuss word that comes to mind. Many times you'd get a whipping anyway for saying a word close to a curse word.
This was done because years ago adults did not want their kids to cuss. It did not matter if you came from a religious family or not. Sometimes the non-religious would whip you harder than a religious person would.
A word that a kid used when they hit their fingers accidentally with a hammer or was hurt suddenly in an unexpected way. They used this word in place of curse words like damn, damnit, or any other cuss word that comes to mind. Many times you'd get a whipping anyway for saying a word close to a curse word.
This was done because years ago adults did not want their kids to cuss. It did not matter if you came from a religious family or not. Sometimes the non-religious would whip you harder than a religious person would.
Kid 1. "Momma whipped me yesterday." "I still can't sit down too long."
Kid 2. "I am sorry!" "I still remember that one your mom gave me." "When I got home and told my mom about it she whipped me too." "I got a third when dad got off work." " By the way what happened this time????"
Kid 1. "A thunderstorm was coming." Mom told me to run the chickens back into their chicken house." "I got them all in except for the rooster, you know, the one that flogs us when our backs are turned."
Kid 2 " Yeah I know that....(Slaps hand over mouth aand looks around in fear)
Kid 1 "I got mad at that rooster." "I was already mad at him because he'd cut me with his spurs a few days ago when he flogged me." I was so mad I actually said "Dang old rooster"".
Kid 2. And your momma heard you?"
Kid 1. "You git that right." " You put your hand over your mouth earlier instead of saying a cuss word which means you probably thought a cuss word." Does your mom whip you for thinking cuss words too."
Kid 2 "Yes." "I can't wait until I grow up and cuss like daddy does."
Kid 1. " You ain't even safe then." "Momma heard dad say a bad word and told him he was acting like White Trash."
Kid 2. "I am sorry!" "I still remember that one your mom gave me." "When I got home and told my mom about it she whipped me too." "I got a third when dad got off work." " By the way what happened this time????"
Kid 1. "A thunderstorm was coming." Mom told me to run the chickens back into their chicken house." "I got them all in except for the rooster, you know, the one that flogs us when our backs are turned."
Kid 2 " Yeah I know that....(Slaps hand over mouth aand looks around in fear)
Kid 1 "I got mad at that rooster." "I was already mad at him because he'd cut me with his spurs a few days ago when he flogged me." I was so mad I actually said "Dang old rooster"".
Kid 2. And your momma heard you?"
Kid 1. "You git that right." " You put your hand over your mouth earlier instead of saying a cuss word which means you probably thought a cuss word." Does your mom whip you for thinking cuss words too."
Kid 2 "Yes." "I can't wait until I grow up and cuss like daddy does."
Kid 1. " You ain't even safe then." "Momma heard dad say a bad word and told him he was acting like White Trash."
by OneWhoKnowsBetter December 20, 2012
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