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OD Smith's definitions

work placement

Another charming aspect of being on New Deal. After a certain amount of time on one of their ridiculous excuses for a training course, they decide to send out "students" on Wok Placement - ignoring the question of how, exactly, can you find paid work when you're stuck in a fucking office all day and not being paid for a second of it.

Essentially, it proves slavery is alive and well in the First World, as well as helping corrupt capitalists make a shitload of money at your expense? How? Put it this way - would Tesco want to hire ten people to stack their shelves for a salary every year, or a steady stream of unpaid labour from delivered from CETS every month to do the same? You work it out.
"I'm afraid you have to go on Work Placement in a place totally unsuited to you just so we don't have to help you find a job, which we're set up for, and help companies get fatter and fatter profits each and every year - which they pay us for."
by OD Smith April 14, 2005
mugGet the work placementmug.

microsoft access

An absolutly evil database programme, which serves no purpose other than driving you clinically insane at a remarkably quick pace.

Never used in the workplace, so it's ppointless to be taught how to use it in GCSE or A-Level IT.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK!!! Why won't it recognise this goddamn formula like a normal person?!?"
by OD Smith March 29, 2005
mugGet the microsoft accessmug.

Backne

A condition familiar to bodybuilders and WWE employees: acne grows on their back which, coincidentally, is where they inject their steroids.
"Look at the backne on Bobby Lashley - it's like the Pyrinees!"
by OD Smith September 29, 2007
mugGet the Backnemug.

townie

The old word for chav which, frankly, sounds a lot better and less self-consciously constructed to sound obnoxious by a group of journalists on a slow July nesday.
"Oh great, another pack of townies coming to kick my head in because I don't conform to their world view."
by OD Smith March 18, 2005
mugGet the towniemug.

david beckham

Overrated (beyond belief) player with more limitations than you can shake a stick at, but for some reason Sven Goran Eriksson believes he is perfect material for the England captaincy. This ignores the fact he's NEVER captained a team, even at schoolboy level, and believes being England captain means you're supposed to take penalties, no matter how far over the bar they regularly go.

Used to be famous for being married to Posh Spice, but now it's the other way 'round. Now he's famous for shagging women that aren't Posh Spice, giving his children names that ensure years of bullying, and being gnerally useless on the pitch - if and when he gets on it when you consider his standing at Real Madrid.
Any time he's on the front page of the tabloids/Hello for being famous, as opposed to demonstrating any form of footballing ability WHATSOEVER.
by OD Smith March 31, 2005
mugGet the david beckhammug.

Jurassic Park

A pretty good book, a pretty average film, and some pretty bad sequels.

Welcome to Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen...
"Wait a minute, why did Crichton's follow up book, The Lost World, seem to change what happened to most of the characters to fit in with the events of the first film?"
by OD Smith April 12, 2005
mugGet the Jurassic Parkmug.

tottenham hotspur

The "other" team in North London, if you consider Barnet to be a North London team.

Have a great history and a long list of great players, but are habitually undermined by bad managers, bad luck, bad chairmen, bad referees or a combination of any number of the above. Oh, alright, bad players as well.

The sort of team that has the players and infastructure to step up into the Top Six of the Premiership, but have suffered several false dawns in the past 25 years to be wary of expecting achievments of note, at least until they win two games in a row, at which point we're edging towards the UEFA Cup with no problem whatsoever, despite the fact we are one of the most inconsistent teams in the country, even when we aren't being screwed out of goals, clear-cut penalties and countless other refereeing decisions each and every seasons, which racks up to the traditional 8-12 placing. Oh alright, and managing to fit in at least three liabilities into the squad, two of which usually in defence. And having Alan Sugar not funding us for the best part of a decade, allowing both Arsenal and Chelsea to overtake us and brag about their five minutes in the sun.

Easy target for superior Arsenal and Chelsea fans and other glory seekers, and genuine bile from West Ham and Leeds (local rivals 300 miles up the M1, obviously). Still, at least Charlton like us, which is nice.
"This'll be the year we turn the corner!!!" (Every fan filled with the spirit of 1961 for the past twenty seasons).
by OD Smith March 8, 2005
mugGet the tottenham hotspurmug.

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