Nicholas D's definitions

Uncle Ralph

A figurative relative who comes to visit when you vomit. Similar to Aunt Flo.

DeSean: "How did last night go? Did you get it on with LaShawna?"
LeSean: "Nah man, hit the booze too hard and ended up getting a visit from Uncle Ralph."

Sean: "Dude, did you read Ralph Waldo Emerson's classic 'The American Scholar'? That shit is monkey-fighting LEGIT! In da hizzouse!"
Shawn: "Psssht! More like Uncle Ralph Waldo Emerson! That guy was a total clown. I don't think I could get through a paragraph of his writing without losing my lunch. I'm more a fan of some of the modern-day philosophers like Rebecca Black, who tackles more relevant issues like which seat is best to occupy in a vehicle, or Aaron Carter, who explores the division of dreams and reality in his great work 'That's How I Beat Shaq.'"
Sean: "Dude. No."

by Nicholas D November 9, 2011

like aggregation

A principle that basically states that things of similar composition will eventually tend toward the same location because they are similarly affected by wind/ocean currents, magnetic fields, and other forces.

Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.

Brad: "...so that was like the third time this year that my sister has been hit in the face with bird shit! I wonder why that happens to her so much."
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"

by Nicholas D November 28, 2006

CDO

Acronym for collateralized debt obligation, a funding tool that banks use to package up a bunch of bonds (often subprime mortgage backed), then divide the package up into new bonds and sell them after skimming a few million dollars off the top. Usually called "diversified," but if you've got dog shit, horse shit, ape shit, and elephant shit, then you can call it whatever you want, but at the end of the day you're still just holding a gigantic pile of shit.

A way of putting lipstick on a pig that banks milked the hell out of from the mid-1990's til 2007. Unfortunately the banks got totally Bear Stearned when everyone saw through the lipstick and they were caught holding a whole sty of CDO pigs.

Banker: "I've got this great investment for you. It's called a CDO."
Sucker: "Um...I've heard bad things about those. What's so good about this one?"
Banker: "It's diversified! It's got subprime mortgage bonds from Kansas, subprime mortgage bonds from Georgia, subprime mortgage bonds from Nevada, and subprime mortgage bonds from Michigan!"
Sucker: "I've heard bad things about subprime - do you have anything else?"
Banker: "Of course! This other CDO is even MORE diversified. It's got Ninja loans, loans to homeless people to buy crack, Iraqi government debt, and loans to people that need some money to bet on the roulette wheel in Vegas. Of course there's almost NO chance that any of those people won't be able to pay back what they owe."
Sucker: "SOLD! Give me $10 million of it!"

by Nicholas D March 26, 2008

make off

To make a successful getaway with stolen property.

Winona Ryder would have been able to make off with $10 worth of CVS merchandise if it wasn't for that damn security alarm.

Bernie Madoff really "made off" (pun intended) with his investors' money.

by Nicholas D March 15, 2009

personal Vietnam

A difficult situation that one experienced that is as traumatic and harrowing as fighting in a long and brutal war. Coined by Donald Trump in a 1997 interview with Howard Stern.

“I’ve been so lucky in terms of that whole world. It is a dangerous world out there. It’s scary, like Vietnam. Sort of like the Vietnam era. It is my personal Vietnam. I feel like a great and very brave soldier.” - Donald Trump, speaking about his experiences sleeping with a large number of loose women and trying to avoid catching STDs

Dude: "Hey bro, I heard the Philz Coffee near your office closed down. That's a bummer."
Bro: "Dude, you have no idea! It's been like my personal Vietnam. Now I've had two choices: 1) go without coffee or 2) go to freaking Starbucks and drink that swill! There's no other choice. I'm not sure I can go on like this anymore."
Dude: "Wow bro, that's really rough. I can see how that's similar to being tortured within an inch of your life in a prisoner of war camp for three years."
Bro: "Yeah, maybe even worse."

by Nicholas D August 16, 2016

quadfecta

A legendary beirut/beer pong shot that lands on the tops of four cups simultaneously. Considered the rarest shot in the game, topping even the trifecta, 2-cup knockover-and-sink, and simultaneous 6-cup game-ending double bounce-in. Counts as 4 cups and has never happened in recorded history of the game, despite being theoretically possible.

So rare for the following reasons:
1) Only possible with smaller-than-average cups.
2) Only possible when cups are arranged in a perfect square formation (not possible in a standard game).
3) The physics of it happening are similar to those of the trifecta, which almost never happens in itself.

Witnessing Dan's game-ending quadfecta in the semifinals of the Theta Delt beirut tournament was a thing of beauty comparable to seeing the face of God Himself smiling down on you from the heavens.

by Nicholas D December 24, 2007

ticksucker

Someone who is a sucker for ticks, i.e., someone who will do anything to try a new hyped up beer.

Can you believe Bob paid $50 for another small bottle Anchorage stout on Tavour that’s the same as the last five they released? He’s getting evicted because he blew his whole paycheck on hyped-up beers. What a ticksucker.

by Nicholas D April 2, 2021