Nicholas D's definitions

first poster

A person whose main goal in life is to post first on an internet video, picture, or anything else that allows comments. Usually this person will simply post "First!" or something along those lines rather than making an insightful or meaningful comment. First posters, while they themselves often believe that they are serving a valuable purpose and/or accomplishing something by being first, are generally disrespected by much of the rest of the online community.

First poster #1: "I was the first to post on a Failblog picture on March 17, 2008. It ended up getting 946 comments."
Neil Armstrong: "Wow, that's really impressive. I was the first person to walk on the moon."
Babe Ruth: "I was the first player to hit 60 home runs in a season AND the first to hit 700 career home runs!"
Albert Einstein: "Well I was the first to prove the relationship between mass and energy as well as many other fundamental principles of the universe that had puzzled scientists since the beginning of time."
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I was the first to climb Mt. Everest."
First poster #1: "What did you do up there?"
Sir Edmund Hillary: "I put up a sign that said 'First!!!' and got my ass back down that mountain. It was freezing up there, dude!"
God: "Well I was the first to create, well, you know, everything in the entire universe."
First poster #2: "Sweet man, congrats. I was the first to comment on that YouTube video of the news anchor accidentally saying 'blow job' on live TV."
Neil Armstrong: "LOL! That video was classic! Epic fail!"
Other commenter: "Shut up, all of you!!! Nobody cares if you're first! Get a life!"

by Nicholas D July 27, 2009

boner biting bastard

An insult similar to cocksucker. Originates from the song "Uncle Fucka," performed by comedians Terrence and Phillip" in the movie "South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut." Considered more offensive than cocksucker in that it is a bit more graphic and calls the person a bastard, implying that the person either was born out of wedlock or is of questionable moral character.

"Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka!
You're a boner biting bastard, uncle fucka!"
-Terrence and Phillip, "Uncle Fucka"

Jamal: "You're a cocksucker."
Evan: "Oh yeah, well you're a nobgobbler."
Jamal: "If you were a dinosaur, they would call you sucksalottacock."
Evan: "Well if your parents could name you again, they'd name you Isaac York-Hawk."
Jamal: "You spend more time on your knees than a Gregorian monk."
Evan: "Well you're a boner biting bastard."
Jamal: "Come on man, that was uncalled for."
Evan: "Yeah, I guess so. Sorry."

by Nicholas D March 15, 2009

pee on your nuts

A figurative term meaning to have a small penis. Usually used as an insult.

Tough guy #1: "I can bench press 275. What's up now?"
Tough guy #2: "Whatever man, I can clean 200!"
Tough guy #1: "Well I can do 20 pullups!"
Normal guy: "All right guys, quit arguing about whose dick is smaller. At the end of the day, you both still pee on your nuts."

by Nicholas D March 9, 2009

like aggregation

A principle that basically states that things of similar composition will eventually tend toward the same location because they are similarly affected by wind/ocean currents, magnetic fields, and other forces.

Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.

Brad: "...so that was like the third time this year that my sister has been hit in the face with bird shit! I wonder why that happens to her so much."
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"

by Nicholas D November 28, 2006

jamarcus

(n) An extremely inaccurate throw or a person who makes such a throw.

(v) To make an extremely inaccurate throw.

Comes from LSU and Oakland Raiders quarterback JaMarcus Russell, who despite being a highly touted prospect and the #1 NFL Draft pick in 2007, had an extremely unproductive NFL career due to his inaccurate passes and was out of the league after the 2009 season.

In the 1993 All-Star Game, Randy Johnson unleashed a jamarcus that sailed three feet over the head of John Kruk.

After she caught me banging her sister, my girlfriend chucked a shoe at my head, but fortunately she jamarcused it and broke the window instead of nailing me in the dome piece.

We would have won that cornhole game if Jimmy hadn't been such a jamarcus. He only hit the board three times in the entire game!

by Nicholas D January 5, 2012

nice knowing you

An expression said to someone who is about to do something which will put him/her at great risk.

Mark: "Hey man, did you sell your plasma screen TV yet?"
Johnny: "Yeah, I've got a guy who wants to buy it. I'm meeting him on a corner in East Oakland tomorrow night at 1am."
Mark: "Good luck with that. Nice knowing you."

by Nicholas D January 18, 2012

steal off

To discreetly sneak away with the hopes of going unnoticed.

Darren was supposed to be manning the fire station emergency phones all night, but around 7 he decided to steal off for an hour or so to catch the 2-for-1 happy hour lapdance special at the Boom-Boom Room.

by Nicholas D December 24, 2007