Nicholas D's definitions

What do we have for 'em, Johnny?

A sarcastic comment that is used when someone figures out something really obvious. An imitation of a game show host announcing that someone has given the correct answer and has won a prize that his assistant (Johnny) will specify on cue. Often preceded by "Ding ding!"

Boss: "OK everyone, Brenda Smith is going to be out on Thursday so we need someone to volunteer to fill her time slot."
Mike Hawk: "I'm available that day. I can do it."
Boss: "All righty then. I'm going to go ahead and stick Mike Hawk in her slot."
Steve: "That's what she said! Or...um...actually I mean that's what HE said!"
(everyone laughs except Jim)
Jim: "I don't get it..."
(20 seconds go by)
Jim: "Oh haha, now I get it...Mike Hawk sounds like 'my cock!' It's sexual innuendo. That's a good one."
Steve: "DING DING! What do we have for 'em, Johnny?"

by Nicholas D February 20, 2009

getcha popcorn ready

A phrase coined by Terrell Owens of the Dallas Cowboys which signifies that one is about to put on a show, i.e. a spectacular performance. Refers to the act of getting one's popcorn before watching a movie.

Note posted on Terrell Owens' locker, October 2007:

"Dear Reporters,

Due to the magnitude of this week’s game and high volume of questions for the Original 81 (T.O.) about the other 81 (Randy Moss), I will be taking all questions immediately following Sunday’s game.

Sincerely,
Terrell Owens

P.S. Getcha Popcorn Ready"


Piano teacher: "Timmy, have you been practicing that Beethoven piece for the upcoming recital? This is your chance to show everyone how much your skills have improved over the past few months."
Timmy: "Hell yeah, I've been on that shit like white on rice. I'm fin' to blow all you bitches away. I'm gonna rock that shit better than Ludwig himself. Better getcha popcorn ready! King Kong ain't got shit on me!"

by Nicholas D January 14, 2009

what's up now

A rhetorical question used when one is in a difficult predicament and the circumstances suddenly change in his/her favor, such as when the person in trouble pulls out a gat or when his/her posse shows up ready to whoop some ass. Often followed by "bitch" or "punk" to further assert dominance.

Barack Obama: "Now that I've won the Iowa caucus, I have the Democratic nomination in the bag. The New Hampshire primary is going to be a walk in the park."
(Hillary Clinton wins New Hampshire primary)
Hillary Clinton: "Hell yeah! What's up now, bitch???"
(Barack Obama wins the Democratic nomination)
Hillary Clinton (obviously insincerely): "Congratulations, Senator Obama. I am so happy for you. The American people definitely made the right choice."
Barack Obama: "Three words, Senator Clinton: WHAT'S UP NOW?!?!?!"

by Nicholas D February 26, 2009

shattuck

1) When you tuck your shirt back into your pants after just having shat (taken a shit).
2) One of the main streets in Berkeley, CA.

Buddy: "Isn't it weird how Berkeley named its main street after the act of rearranging your clothing after taking a shit?"
Guy: "Not weird at all. When you walk down the street you're guaranteed to see at least one bum pooping out in the open, so seeing a shattuck is pretty common on Shattuck Ave."

by Nicholas D October 14, 2019

like aggregation

A principle that basically states that things of similar composition will eventually tend toward the same location because they are similarly affected by wind/ocean currents, magnetic fields, and other forces.

Examples are hairballs from dogs/cats and giant masses of condoms people have found in the ocean.

Brad: "...so that was like the third time this year that my sister has been hit in the face with bird shit! I wonder why that happens to her so much."
Jeremy: "Dude, haven't you ever heard of like aggregation? Dee dee dee!"

by Nicholas D November 28, 2006

CDO

Acronym for collateralized debt obligation, a funding tool that banks use to package up a bunch of bonds (often subprime mortgage backed), then divide the package up into new bonds and sell them after skimming a few million dollars off the top. Usually called "diversified," but if you've got dog shit, horse shit, ape shit, and elephant shit, then you can call it whatever you want, but at the end of the day you're still just holding a gigantic pile of shit.

A way of putting lipstick on a pig that banks milked the hell out of from the mid-1990's til 2007. Unfortunately the banks got totally Bear Stearned when everyone saw through the lipstick and they were caught holding a whole sty of CDO pigs.

Banker: "I've got this great investment for you. It's called a CDO."
Sucker: "Um...I've heard bad things about those. What's so good about this one?"
Banker: "It's diversified! It's got subprime mortgage bonds from Kansas, subprime mortgage bonds from Georgia, subprime mortgage bonds from Nevada, and subprime mortgage bonds from Michigan!"
Sucker: "I've heard bad things about subprime - do you have anything else?"
Banker: "Of course! This other CDO is even MORE diversified. It's got Ninja loans, loans to homeless people to buy crack, Iraqi government debt, and loans to people that need some money to bet on the roulette wheel in Vegas. Of course there's almost NO chance that any of those people won't be able to pay back what they owe."
Sucker: "SOLD! Give me $10 million of it!"

by Nicholas D March 26, 2008

make off

To make a successful getaway with stolen property.

Winona Ryder would have been able to make off with $10 worth of CVS merchandise if it wasn't for that damn security alarm.

Bernie Madoff really "made off" (pun intended) with his investors' money.

by Nicholas D March 15, 2009