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Mr. Softey's definitions

Fruitastic

Something that is positive and yet gay at the same time.
Gaylord: "Did you hear they legalized gay marriage in California?"
Armande: "Good for them, that's fruitastic!"
Gaylord: "Not to change the subject, but what do you think of the paisley ascot I'm wearing."
Armande: "That too, is fruitastic."
by Mr. Softey January 26, 2009
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tissue issues

The perplexing conundrums that arise from leaving evidence of a recent masturbation session laying about.
Conrad: Holy crap! We've got to go back to the apartment before Pam wakes up, I forgot I left a bunch of used kleenex by the computer!
Farnsworth: Hey, your tissue issues aren't going to make me late to work, Sgt. Spank-o-tron!
by Mr. Softey February 4, 2009
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circus popcorn

An ungodly brick of pink popcorn that is case hardened and sold to the unknowing masses at the circus, carnival, fair, etc.
When I was a kid I used to love circus popcorn, but now it tastes like shit on a stick!
by Mr. Softey January 26, 2009
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calling in gay

Calling in sick to work for a gay reason.
>> Why aren't you getting dressed? Don't you have to leave for work in 20 minutes?
<< I'm thinking of calling in gay so I can catch a matinee of "Benjamin Button".
by Mr. Softey February 4, 2009
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Ballcockery

An act of sexual mischief. Up to no good in a naughty fashion.
"I thought Marcus was me best mate, but he was up to all manner of ballcockery with me wife."

"Methinks Ted and Alice are engaged in acts of wanton ballcockery."

"Wouldst thou join me in a bit of ballcockery, love?"
by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009
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Johnny Redchips

A card player who has amassed a large collection of, mostly red poker chips. Since reds are the lowest valued chip, it makes you look like you have a lot of money when you really don't.
"Another massive three dollar pot taken down by Johnny Redchips!"

"Can anybody break a five? Johnny Redchips is cashing out."

"You see my dollar and raise me a quarter? Why, that's too rich for my blood, Johnny Redchips!"
by Mr. Softey January 23, 2009
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Cincinnati Pad Thai

When you reverse tit fuck an Asian girl, same as a Cincinnati Bowtie, but with an Asian slant to it, if you will.
How about we head to my place for drinks and a little Cincinnati Pad Thai?
>>Me love you long time, Joe!
by Mr. Softey January 28, 2009
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