Mr. Cardboard's definitions

pornanza

A bonanza of porn.

I've never seen so much porn in one place at one time, it's a pornanza!

by Mr. Cardboard July 5, 2012

immolate

to impersonate a mole

"There's a famous picture of a Vietrnamese monk who immolated himself in order to protest the war."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

goober

Someone who is unable to manage their finances or fertility well enough such that they have to get out of bed or "goob" in order to obtain more money or attend to their offspring, instead of lying in bed all day drinking and masturbating like a true champion.

"I have 3 kids and a large mortgage."

"You goober."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

McFucktard

1. A low-level employee of McDonalds or any other generic fast-food outlet.

2. An extremely stupid person, more fucktarded than a regular fucktard.

3. A fucktard's offspring, as the prefix 'Mc' means 'son of' in Scottish.

Customer: "Big Mac and fries please."

McFucktard: "Do you want fries with that?"

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

time machine

A sizeable stash of pornography built up over several decades, enabling you to relive the experiences of people who masturbated in those times.

Will Ferrell: "I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags."

John C. Reilly: "Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

special needs haircut

One of the best possible pranks you can pull on someone who gets too drunk and falls asleep at a party. Various forms are possible but depend largely on the pre-existing haircut, the position the recipient has passed out in, how unconscious they are and the hair cutting devices available.

The classic is the bowl cut - hair above the ears is left untouched, hair below the ears is badly shaved down to about number 2. Ths should ideally be lopsided with a meander at the back of the head for maximum "specialness".

nb. it is a mortal sin to pull this prank on a woman due partly to the fact that all women everywhere will feel such sympathy for her that you will never get laid again, but mostly because women should never, ever have short hair.

Dude 1: Urgh, where am I? What time is it?

Dude 2: *Laughs uncontrollably*

Dude 1: (touching head) What? Huh? Why's my head shaved? Where's the mirr... A FUCKING SPECIAL NEEDS HAIRCUT??

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

Renee Zellweger

A magic incantation that makes a giant, painful shit come out when you say it. If the pain of a dump is so heinous it makes you pull a face like Renee Zellweger, speaking her name is the only way to guarantee it's safe passage.

When spoken properly it sounds like this "RRRRRRRRRReneeezellwegAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH....."

Dude I just took the biggest shit, it was a full on Renee Zellweger.

by Mr. Cardboard January 27, 2012