Mr. Cardboard's definitions

bubbly

A sunny disposition adopted by fat women because if they didn't they would have nothing to offer society.

Dude: So what's your friend like?

Chick: Oh she's awesome, she's really bubbly.

Dude: You mean she's fat?

Chick: No, she just has a great outlook on life. Always so positive.

Dude: Okay then. But is she fat?

Chick: Well, she's kinda big...

Dude: Uh-huh, that's what I thought.

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

schlongs in thongs

An amusing way to refer to male transvestites and pre-op transexuals, in the same vein as other rhyming or alliterative means of alleviating the ridiculousness of encountering men who are so psychologically damaged that they believe they are actually women trapped in men's bodies, because no-one has bothered to explain to them that they have X and Y chromosomes whereas women have only X chromosomes, and that their assertion that they are female is therefore medically and scientifically impossible.

See also:
chicks with dicks, cocks in frocks, sluts with nuts, dames with dongs, women with wangs, girls with grapes, princesses with penises, mums with plums, lads in lingerie, gals with balls, boys with boobs

I have an annual subscription to Schlongs in Thongs.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

Widespread Panic

Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:

- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early

- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it

- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you

- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure

Dude have you seen one guy, one jar? Now THAT'S widespread panic.

by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011

marmalade

The natural lubricant of the anus, designed to enable shit to slide out more easily but which also facilitates the insertion of golf balls.

"I was holding in a shit all last period but it turned out to just be a huge fart, however I wiped anyway in case some marmalade had come out."

by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011

long distance relationship

Theoretical construct to continue having sex with someone who is hot but lives far away and is not worth moving for, but is worth visiting from time to time for a change from all the regular sex you are getting.

Dude 1: I heard Stacey moved away to go to university, sucks for you.

Dude 2: Psh I just told her we'd have a long distance relationship.

Dude 1: I like your style.

by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011

drunkover

When you drink so much that instead of waking up with a hangover, you wake up still drunk.

"Hey can you give me a lift home?"

"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"

by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011

bacon

The labia of the vagina.

Inner or outer and ranging in appearance from tiny and tidy, through streaky, to full medallions and at the extreme - pieces which someone has attempted to chew, choked on and had to be Heimliched and kept in hospital overnight as a precaution.

I was reading the Victoria's Secret catalogue trying to pick my favourite model, one of them was far more beautiful than the rest but you could tell she had excessive bacon and it made the process so much more taxing.

by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012