Definitions by Mr. Cardboard
time machine
A sizeable stash of pornography built up over several decades, enabling you to relive the experiences of people who masturbated in those times.
Will Ferrell: "I still hate you, but you've got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags."
John C. Reilly: "Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine."
John C. Reilly: "Yeah, I got them from the '70's, '80's and '90's. It's like masturbating in a time machine."
time machine by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
mousepraneense
mousepraneense by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
sex dungeon
Any form of dungeon where sexual activities occur.
At one extreme this is a spare room in a house containing some vaguely dungeony artefacts like plastic handcuffs where a consensual couple may role play S&M when they are in the mood for some minor kink.
The other extreme is an actual dungeon in the dark, dank bowels of an actual castle where individuals are held permanently against their will and forced to perform unspeakable acts for the gratification of their captor.
At one extreme this is a spare room in a house containing some vaguely dungeony artefacts like plastic handcuffs where a consensual couple may role play S&M when they are in the mood for some minor kink.
The other extreme is an actual dungeon in the dark, dank bowels of an actual castle where individuals are held permanently against their will and forced to perform unspeakable acts for the gratification of their captor.
Customer: "Do you sell galvanised steel chain?"
Shop assistant: "Yes sir, aisle 6"
Customer: "Great, and do you have manacles?"
Shop assistant: "Sorry we're fresh out, have you tried 'Sex Dungeons R Us'?"
Shop assistant: "Yes sir, aisle 6"
Customer: "Great, and do you have manacles?"
Shop assistant: "Sorry we're fresh out, have you tried 'Sex Dungeons R Us'?"
sex dungeon by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
dad shagger
The logical response to being called a motherfucker. Being called "motherfucker" implies that you fuck your own mother and is generally considered the highest insult one can bestow.
By immediately responding "dadshagger" one temporarily confuses one's literary opponent as to whether it would be worse to shag their dad or fuck their mother and whether they have in fact been semantically bested. Erstwhile, thou positions thine foot squarely betwixt their thighs with such vehemence as to render them infertile for the rest of their sorry ass life.
By immediately responding "dadshagger" one temporarily confuses one's literary opponent as to whether it would be worse to shag their dad or fuck their mother and whether they have in fact been semantically bested. Erstwhile, thou positions thine foot squarely betwixt their thighs with such vehemence as to render them infertile for the rest of their sorry ass life.
dad shagger by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
criminal
A homosexual in extreme denial, since anyone who goes to jail will definitely get raped by members of the same sex.
Incarceration and capital punishment being inadequate deterrents for persons to commit crime, the thrill of being raped is the only motive.
Incarceration and capital punishment being inadequate deterrents for persons to commit crime, the thrill of being raped is the only motive.
"Hey man, I'm a businessman, I sell dope, I sell coke, I sell phet, I sell ket. I make my money the way the streets demand."
"No, you're a criminal, and we're going to fuck you until your asshole looks like a whale's blowhole."
"No, you're a criminal, and we're going to fuck you until your asshole looks like a whale's blowhole."
criminal by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
football
The gayest sport in all the world, even gayer than men's synchronised fisting in pink leotards to "Small Town Boy" by Bronski Beat.
An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.
So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.
An excuse to watch men in shorts lock legs with other men in shorts while they try to shoot white balls into your gaping orifice while your team mate tries in vain to prevent said hole from being violated.
So gay that supporters of football "teams" hold regular pride parades resulting in "who's the gayest" skirmishes to see who can be the first in prison to get bum raped.
football by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
drunkover
"Hey can you give me a lift home?"
"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"
"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"
drunkover by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011