Mr Ben's definitions

tombstone teeth

Usually occuring in older members of society, "Tombstone teeth" is a derogatory term used to describe a mouth consisting mainly of tongue and gums. Maybe, one or two teeth will stand out but no more than that. The ones on the bottom jaw seem more resistent to base-jumping out of the mouth, for some reason. Scientists are looking into this as I speak.

"That old Mrs Webster has some serious tombstone teeth. They're all yellow..."

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005

Bloody Mary

1. A classic cocktail made from vodka, tomato juice, salt, pepper, a celery stick and other spices. I'm told that I make the best in London which is annoying because I don't like them. Waste of vodka if you ask me.

2. The name we give to my insane grandmother. She doesn't mind...

1. "A bit too spicy, Mr Ben. I admit, I'm a pussy but I need some ice please."

2. "Would you like a cup of tea, Bloody Mary?"
"Am I free? Of course I am, dear..."

by Mr Ben February 9, 2005

liberty

Freedom, the all-too-rare position of being able to think, speak and act indepentently. Not to be confused with equality, something else that should be more prevelant in the world today.

If someone could send this definition to the 43rd President of the USA, I would be grateful. If someone there could read it to him, I'd be even happier.

"We have succeeded in giving liberty to the Iraqi people... well, maybe not quite yet but we're working on it. Yeah."

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005

NOMS

Acronym for Not On My Shift. Used to pass the buck and shift blame for an incident that you are directly responsible for but do not want to admit. Care must be taken when using the word as management will think you are muttering under your breath.

"Mr Ben, did you see who attacked Mrs Webster with the fire extinguisher?"

"No, I didn't. NOMS."

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

Old Boy's Network

Name given to the informal links that criss-cross upper society, enabling people with power to do favours in exchange for favours with someone else in a different area of expertise. May also be called bribery and cheating buggery.

"I need a loan but my bank manager can't help me. Can you lend me a couple of thousand until the divorce is settled?" - typical plea given when consulting the Old Boy's Network.

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

tornado

A sudden and inexplicable increase in customers, causing massive amounts of damage and devastation. Then, just as strangely as it appears, the whole thing blows over and the place is empty and now wrecked.

"We've just had a bit of a tornado in here, Boss."

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

clunker

Anything which is so worn-down and clapped out that failure is inevitable. May also be applied to movies in the same way that turkey is, denoting a movie of such awfulness that it defies belief.

"I hate to say but today's been a real fuckin' clunker, know what I mean?"

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005