Mr Ben's definitions

Barclay's Banker

Cockney rhyming slang for someone who excessively masturbates, a wanker. Slightly better than calling someone a Gareth Hunt, at any rate.

"Get up the apple and pears, you Barclay's banker! I don't Adam and Eve it..."

by Mr Ben February 11, 2005

Red October

Named after the famous Russian submarine, Red Octobers are those once-in-a-lifetime turds that block the toilet. You can't flush them, you can't deal with them in the normal way. Toilet paper is a serious no-no with regards to Red Octobers as this merely increases the "gross" factor by twelve. If you see a Red October, the chances are that you'll need to call the emergency services.

"Mum! Can you call the Fire Bridgade, we've got a Red October here! I've tried the shower head but that doesn't work. Make sure they bring their bio-hazard suits this time!"

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

NOMS

Acronym for Not On My Shift. Used to pass the buck and shift blame for an incident that you are directly responsible for but do not want to admit. Care must be taken when using the word as management will think you are muttering under your breath.

"Mr Ben, did you see who attacked Mrs Webster with the fire extinguisher?"

"No, I didn't. NOMS."

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

liberty

Freedom, the all-too-rare position of being able to think, speak and act indepentently. Not to be confused with equality, something else that should be more prevelant in the world today.

If someone could send this definition to the 43rd President of the USA, I would be grateful. If someone there could read it to him, I'd be even happier.

"We have succeeded in giving liberty to the Iraqi people... well, maybe not quite yet but we're working on it. Yeah."

by Mr Ben February 10, 2005

Old Boy's Network

Name given to the informal links that criss-cross upper society, enabling people with power to do favours in exchange for favours with someone else in a different area of expertise. May also be called bribery and cheating buggery.

"I need a loan but my bank manager can't help me. Can you lend me a couple of thousand until the divorce is settled?" - typical plea given when consulting the Old Boy's Network.

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

tornado

A sudden and inexplicable increase in customers, causing massive amounts of damage and devastation. Then, just as strangely as it appears, the whole thing blows over and the place is empty and now wrecked.

"We've just had a bit of a tornado in here, Boss."

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

tube

1. A round, cylindical object.

2. The London Underground.

3. Medical term for a totally unneccesary breast examination, usually applied to the person asking for it.

1. "Pass me a tube of loo-roll."

2. "I'll take the Tube to work this morning."

3. "Dr Marsh, we have a TUBE fo you in ward three. Enjoy!"

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005