Mr Ben's definitions

paperweight

A term describing a heavy technical item which no longer works and could easily be replaced.

"My computer's a total paperweight at the minute."

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

machoegotism

A sadly incurable condition, usually occuring in young men. The sufferer of machoegotism strikes up an extraordinary relationship with himself (possibly due to excess masturbation) that results in the sufferer falling in love with themselves. They are incapable of replicating genuine feelings for others, though they attempt to hide their emotional vacuum by imitating feelings or responses.

Treatments are being developed as you read this but scientists believe a cure is some way off. For now, temporary relief may be gaining by a sniff knee to the happy sacks or by telling them, in a way that is impossible to not understand, to fuck off.

"That guy defintely suffers from machoegotism. He displays all the symptons."

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

screaming viking

1. A name given to a non-existent cocktail.

2. A fat girl having an orgasm.

"I think I'll have a screaming viking too!"

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

spoodge

To deposit a large amount of something, usually semen.

"I'm going to the bank - I've a spoodge for them."

by Mr Ben February 8, 2005

Brandy Alexander

A bartender's nightmare because it involves cream. Take a large brandy, mix it with creme de cacao and double cream (one part cacao, one part cream and two parts brandy) and shake the whole thing over ice. Strain into glass and top with grated nutmeg or chocolate. Curiously popular with old ladies but not as nice as a Grasshopper.

"Can I have three Brandy Alexanders please?" - order guaranteed to piss off this bartender.

by Mr Ben February 9, 2005

kiddie kicker

Someone you meet online in a game (Quake 3, for example) with a name spelt with capitals at random intervals, numbers, multiple colours if possible and an inprobably tough-sounding name. However, what truely makes a kiddie kicker is his real persona - an eleven year old boy from Minneapolis who's trying to avoid doing his homework and focuses his attention on whopping your ass.

"FeaR mE, fOr i aM bOw31 bu5T3r!"

"MARTIN! Have you finished your maths homework yet?"

"Not yet, mom."

by Mr Ben February 7, 2005

satnav woman

A mysterious woman, locked away in a secret lab somewhere in Germany, whose sultry sexy tones provide guidance to millions to male drivers via their satellite navigation system. Can also be used to describe the vocal commands heard in other places, like an elevator.

"After... 200 yards, turn... left. Turn left. Do it now. You have turned... right. You are now going the wrong way." - satnav woman in full flow.

by Mr Ben July 18, 2006