Monkey's Dad's definitions

abortlitionist

Someone advocating the abolition of abortion, campaigning to overturn Roe v. Wade.

He was certain of two things: That every American had the right to carry an assault rifle - to school, to Walmart, to church - and that killing was a sin and women had no right to abortion, no matter the circumstance of the pregnancy. He was a righteous abortlitionist.

by Monkey's Dad December 15, 2021

barborian

A professional haircutter who won't stop chattering about dull trivia.

He sat in the chair, prepared for the barborian to give him a trim and a temporary lobotomy. He did not care who Justin Bieber was dating, what next week's weather was supposed to be, or who might have a shot at the playoffs.

by Monkey's Dad March 12, 2020

Polites

The Canadian version of Pilates. A system of exercises designed to improve physical strength, flexibility, and manners.

Excuse me there, eh, I'm terribly sorry, didn't mean to rush you so rudely, but I may be just a wee bit late for my Polites class.

by Monkey's Dad February 24, 2020

I'm Your Tuna Fish Sandwich

From the blues classic - slang for sexual availability.

"Free tonight?"
"I'm your tuna fish sandwich."

"I'm your tuna fish sandwich, spoon me on your bread.
I'm your tuna sandwich baby, best to eat in bed."

by Monkey's Dad February 20, 2023

Bronchiasaurus

The apparent weight on the lungs of a COVID-19 sufferer.

With no ventilator available, straining for breath, it felt as if he had a Bronchiasaurus on his chest.

by Monkey's Dad March 25, 2020

Virussian Roulette

Flirting with death by going shopping during coronaviral stay-at-home orders.

There was a strong chance of catching the virus, going out was playing Virussian Roulette, but she had stopped caring.

by Monkey's Dad April 13, 2020

Amanda Gorman

The 22-year-old poet who spoke with poise and eloquence at the inauguration of Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, reading her poem "The Hill We Climb". Ms. Gorman, the youngest inaugural poet in United States history, earned wide praise and admiration for her contribution to an event regarded, by several measures, as historically significant.

Amanda Gorman joins a small group of poets who have graced a presidential inauguration with their words, among them Robert Frost, Maya Angelou, Miller Williams, Elizabeth Alexander and Richard Blanco.

From "The Hill We Climb", she read:
"And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it.
Somehow, we do it.
Somehow, we’ve weathered and witnessed
A nation that isn’t broken, but simply unfinished."

by Monkey's Dad January 24, 2021