Monkey's Dad's definitions

hand-to-hand wombat

When two women attempt to claw the other's eyes out, settling instead for the slapping of faces and pulling of hair, usually over a perceived insult or stolen man; typically confined to any TV show designed to condescend to women and thus reap huge ratings.

The words "bitch" and "whore" were screamed, soon followed by the inevitable hand-to-hand wombat.

by Monkey's Dad April 9, 2021

Anti-Mask League

An organization of Americans opposed to wearing masks during the 1918 Flu Pandemic, which killed 50 million people.

"The 'Anti-Mask League' protest in San Francisco was an orderly protest compared to people fighting in Walmarts today," said Dr. Howard Markel, a medical historian and a physician who leads the Center for the History of Medicine at the University of Michigan. "Today, the anti-mask sentiment has a virulence and violence of its own that we didn't see back then."

by Monkey's Dad August 16, 2020

comforting fiction

An untruth we tell ourselves, or tell others, to keep from having to face facts, and to ease us through hard times.

Just wash your hands and you'll be fine, warm weather will make it disappear, only old people can die from it... one comforting fiction after another could not disguise the truth that we were all in for a long, painful journey.

by Monkey's Dad April 15, 2020

been there, done naught

A self-aware admission that your life's journey has been hollow.

He pretended to anyone who would still listen that he had experienced and accomplished nearly everything, but in the silence and darkness, he looked back on the days and years and knew that he had been there, done naught.

by Monkey's Dad June 24, 2020

Maskochism

Deriving gratification, sexual or otherwise, from flirting with death by refusing to wear a mask in public, during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Knowing he might get infected, he strode barefaced into the crowd, enjoying his maskochism.

by Monkey's Dad June 11, 2020

epidemonology

The study of who and what gets blamed for an epidemic.

Whether it was the complacent president, a de-funded response system, or simply "Patient Zero" who got off the plane from Beijing, coughing, epidemonology would inevitably follow.

by Monkey's Dad March 11, 2020

ayyysymptomatic

No signs of disease. Possibly infectious. Ready to party!

They were young, ayyysymptomatic, and heading for the beach.

by Monkey's Dad May 5, 2020