MoLincs's definitions

Jesus price

An exorbitant price quoted in response to an enquiry, often in bargaining situations in markets etc. where haggling is usual.

An over optimistic price quoted in the hope of snaring an unsuspecting buyer, tourist etc.
Said by the prospective purchaser to indicate that they know roughly what something is worth and are not going to pay over the odds.

Man standing in front of shop selling oriental rugs, shopkeeper approaches:
"How much is that one (pointing to a nice example)...but don't quote me no Jesus price"

by MoLincs August 10, 2009

absolute fucking shambles

The ultimate form of shambles as might be created by an uber-shambles: best demonstrated when minor clerical and administrative duties have to be undertaken by professional staff in the alleged interests of 'saving money' which in fact does no such thing, but can be pointed to by those who equate change with progress, thus claiming credit for the latter.

The essential work of an organisation isn't done because trivial but necessary work is taking up the time which ought to be used to do the job for which professionals are really employed. Objection is met with a simplistic replies such as 'it only takes a moment', "do you regard it as beneath you", or 'any fool could do that'.

Further, any 8 year old could spot this was a particularly stupid way of doing things.

Loo rolls need changing: could a computer analyst do it? Then a computer analyst shall do it! Everyone including the janitors agreed this created an absolute fucking shambles as senior analysts spent time hunting for wherever loo rolls were stored, but the office manager thought it was an ace idea and claimed an end-of year bonus.

by MoLincs September 12, 2012

shambles

A disorganised situation which comes about in an organisation because the shower who call themselves management didn't or couldn't think ahead so didn't see it coming.
The simplest form of 'shambles' which could have been foreseen by any 12 year old.

When X and Y were away from the office at the same time, no one knew how to answer the phone turning everything into a shambles but it wasn't a complete shambles as email still worked.

by MoLincs November 28, 2011

pushing diarrhoea uphill with a rake

Trying to do the near impossible due to having or being given the wrong tools or insufficiency of time.
Usually preceded by "like pushing...".
The refusal of management to see the blindingly obvious despite it being pointed out and insisting upon something inappropriate.

A:"Can you get this new program to print?".
B:"No, I've told the service centre every day this week but they still say it's ok; dealing with them is like pushing diarrhoea uphill with a rake".

by MoLincs September 20, 2009

complete shambles

The second tier of organisational shambles caused by management failing to understand even the basics of how an office operates.

Unlike a simple shambles, it could be foreseen by any educated 10 year old.

Sending the member of staff who paid the accounts to work in another office resulted in neither the electricity or water bills being paid, instantly reducing the office to a complete shambles which was far worse than the shambles when only the water bill had been unpaid.

by MoLincs November 28, 2011

gay buffer

Elderly male, usually gay or imputedly gay. Elderly male living alone so assumed to be gay by those with no other knowledge of him.

Derived from English slang for elderly male "old buffer"; 'buffer' being an industrial employment in metalworking.

Him? He lives in that house on his own, guess he's a gay buffer.

by MoLincs July 11, 2010

uber-shambles

One of the sequence derived from the term omni-shambles

By abolishing the post room and having everyone put their own mail in separate envelopes the head of office admin proved they were the real uber-shambles everyone suspected all along.

by MoLincs September 12, 2012