McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the bligemug. Noun, plural: Women who are only ever seen in their chelsea tractors.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the four wheeled wivesmug. Noun: Term of abuse for someone who feigns being Irish when convenient. E.g. An entirely British person who in 1994, on realising that England had not made it to the soccer World Cup, had no one to cheer for and found green blood in their veins for as long as Republic of Ireland were still in with a chance.
What happened to your England shirt, you plastic paddy?
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the plastic paddymug. She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Mud Cupboardmug. Noun, adjective. Any item of reproduction furniture or tourist souvenir which is made in the STYLE of the designer Charles Rennie MacKintosh but is just a cheap rip-off of the great man's work. Edinburgh gift shops are full of this rubbish, always cheaply made and ill-proportioned.
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).
Helpfully contains the words 'mock' (mimic) and 'tosh' (nonsense).
'I love those dining chairs with the grid of squares in the very high back.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'
'Don't go there, dear. They're mockintosh. Made in Luton from stacking palettes.'
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Mockintoshmug. The condition of a white person having tanned skin all the year round. There are two forms:
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
Jason "What's that big white ring among the wrinkles on the side of your neck?"
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the permatanmug. Noun: A bubble of blackened blood trapped under the skin, as is caused when one traps a web of skin in a mousetrap, hits it with a hammer or similar. White kids in the 1970s said it.
Adult: "Ouch! I've given myself a black man's pinch in the edge of that drop-leaf dining table."
Child: "That phrase is outdated and pejorative to black people. Please don't use it again."
Adult: "You're right. I'm sorry. What should I say instead."
Child: "Subcutaneous haematoma would be both the medically and politically correct term for such a contusion."
Adult: "Thank you for making me a better human being. By the way, what would be the medically and politically correct term for such a contusion as would be caused by a hefty clip round the ear?"
Child: "You appear to be condoning an act of physical abuse toward a minor. I'm calling Social Services."
Child: "That phrase is outdated and pejorative to black people. Please don't use it again."
Adult: "You're right. I'm sorry. What should I say instead."
Child: "Subcutaneous haematoma would be both the medically and politically correct term for such a contusion."
Adult: "Thank you for making me a better human being. By the way, what would be the medically and politically correct term for such a contusion as would be caused by a hefty clip round the ear?"
Child: "You appear to be condoning an act of physical abuse toward a minor. I'm calling Social Services."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the black man's pinchmug.