McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the blige mug.Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the offie mug.Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.
Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Flatter than a witch's tit mug.The condition of a white person having tanned skin all the year round. There are two forms:
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
1) Rock star; TV personality; model; other wealthy person to whom an appearance of wellbeing is an inherent part of their lifestyle. Condition obtained by chasing the Summer round the globe. Looks natural.
2) Chav; trailer trash; mediocre prostitute; middle-aged woman who wears leather trousers. Condition obtained through roasting one's skin under a UV lamp. Result looks a bizarre shade of orange and ages the skin prematurely.
Jason "What's that big white ring among the wrinkles on the side of your neck?"
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
Shaz "Oh shit! I forgot to take my giant hoop earrings off when I was getting my permatan."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the permatan mug.New Zealand term of abuse for Britain, reflecting the terrifying, dangerous wasteland that it has become. Used by British expatriates who have moved to NZ. Pom = Australian & NZ slang for a British person + suffix suggesting Mongolia, windblown desert area of Asia, renowned for its banditry, unpleasant climate and remoteness from civilisation.
An Auckland conversation I overheard:
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Pomgolia mug."Dwaaahhling!!! So glad you made it! What did you think of the show?"
"Oh uh...wow! The costumes were great! Where did you hire them?"
Subtext: the acting was wooden; no one knew their lines; I kept looking at my watch. It was a sack of pig shit.
"Oh uh...wow! The costumes were great! Where did you hire them?"
Subtext: the acting was wooden; no one knew their lines; I kept looking at my watch. It was a sack of pig shit.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the The costumes were great! mug.She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Mud Cupboard mug.