McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

strapadicktome

Noun: A ratchet tool for tightening and then cutting the surplus off nylon cable ties or 'straps' without leaving a sharp point protruding.
Familiar due to sounding a bit like 'appendectomy'. Phrase in use by employees of GEC in UK in 1980s.

Shouted the length of a telephone exchange or similar electrical engineering environment "Who's got my strapadicktome? I'll have to trim these with side cutters."

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress July 20, 2008

Pomgolia

New Zealand term of abuse for Britain, reflecting the terrifying, dangerous wasteland that it has become. Used by British expatriates who have moved to NZ. Pom = Australian & NZ slang for a British person + suffix suggesting Mongolia, windblown desert area of Asia, renowned for its banditry, unpleasant climate and remoteness from civilisation.

An Auckland conversation I overheard:
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Flatter than a witch's tit

Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.

Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Pengé

Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.

Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005

Shed

Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.

That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Bois de Colliers

Proper noun: Pretentious form of Colliers Wood, a naff suburb of south west London. Pronounced with a perfect French accent (bwa de coll-yay) and used in a mocking way about people who live there and overrate the place. See also Croùch End, Battercia, Pengé.

"You're from Wimbledon? My English friend lives in Bois de Colliers! Maybe you know her."
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

four wheeled wives

Noun, plural: Women who are only ever seen in their chelsea tractors.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.

So many four wheeled wives that I couldn't get my ambulance into the playground and the kid died.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005