McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions
Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the offie mug.All my material fell flatter than a witches tit last night - there was a big crowd of sausage munchers in - and now they've taken all the sun loungers.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the sausage muncher mug.Proper noun: Pretentious form of Colliers Wood, a naff suburb of south west London. Pronounced with a perfect French accent (bwa de coll-yay) and used in a mocking way about people who live there and overrate the place. See also Croùch End, Battercia, Pengé.
"You're from Wimbledon? My English friend lives in Bois de Colliers! Maybe you know her."
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Bois de Colliers mug.Noun, singular or collective: A chain (or single branch of a chain) of large DIY warehouse shops occupying ugly, aircraft-hangar-like buildings - sheds. Wickes, Homebase, B&Q are sheds.
That little ironmongers on the corner didn't have one.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
You'll have to go to one of the sheds then.
Yeah, but they'll only sell me a packet of 20 and charge me an arm and a leg.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Shed mug.Proper noun: Frenchified form of Penge, a south London suburb which is full of pikeys and as rough as a badger's arse. It has recently enjoyed an influx of gentrifiers who are desperately talking the area up. If pronounced 'ponjay' (with a very soft 'j') an estate agent will add £2500 to the price of your crack den with a blocked toilet.
Laurent and Guy bake these oat-sprinkled baguettes every morning in their boulangerie in the bohemian quarter of Pengé.
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!
Mmmm. Such a wealthy bouquet. Wait! They're identical to the ones I buy from Tesceaux in Croix Nouveau!
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 10, 2005
Get the Pengé mug.Adjective. Extremely flat. A witch is traditionally considered not to be the model of fertility and, as such to be less than buxom.
Norfolk is a very windy county but that is not surprising -it is flatter than a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
I turned the key but, having left the radio on all night the battery was as flat as a witch's tit.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Flatter than a witch's tit mug.Noun: Alcohol. A drink which, if consumed in sufficient quantities makes you forget large episodes of your life. A popular phrase due to its assonance with the patent medicine 'Milk of Magnesia'.
"...and while dancing you unzipped her dress and pulled it to the floor. Then you pissed in the bride's champagne glass and honked up all over the cake."
"Yes, I remember every bit of that. Just tell me how come I woke up this morning in the driver's seat of my car outside my house?"
"Put it down to the milk of amnesia."
"Yes, I remember every bit of that. Just tell me how come I woke up this morning in the driver's seat of my car outside my house?"
"Put it down to the milk of amnesia."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005
Get the Milk of amnesia mug.