McCririck's unlucky Laundress's definitions

blige

Interjection: A Bristolian form of the mild expletive blimey.

Drops Ming vase off Clifton Suspension Bridge:
"Oh blige!"

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

four wheeled wives

Noun, plural: Women who are only ever seen in their chelsea tractors.
Works best when pronounced in the 'Jonathon Woss' estuarine english style so it sounds like an Essex person trying to say 'four-wheel-drives'.

So many four wheeled wives that I couldn't get my ambulance into the playground and the kid died.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Mud Cupboard

Noun: Arse, rectum, bum cavity, etc.

She told me she loves it up the mud cupboard but I reckon it's just coz it's closing time and she still hasn't pulled anyone.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

offie

Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.

Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

Pomgolia

New Zealand term of abuse for Britain, reflecting the terrifying, dangerous wasteland that it has become. Used by British expatriates who have moved to NZ. Pom = Australian & NZ slang for a British person + suffix suggesting Mongolia, windblown desert area of Asia, renowned for its banditry, unpleasant climate and remoteness from civilisation.

An Auckland conversation I overheard:
Gregg: Do you think you'll ever go back to the UK, Dad?
Gregg's dad: What? Pomgolia? Not fucking likely, not after last time. I'm leaving that disgusting shit hole behind me.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

plastic paddy

Noun: Term of abuse for someone who feigns being Irish when convenient. E.g. An entirely British person who in 1994, on realising that England had not made it to the soccer World Cup, had no one to cheer for and found green blood in their veins for as long as Republic of Ireland were still in with a chance.

What happened to your England shirt, you plastic paddy?
No, I'm Irish. Honest.
On which side?
Err... both. My Mum's cousin's got an Irish setter and my Dad was conceived in the County Kilburn. Guinness spritzer with a dash of Baileys please barman, cheers. Bejazus!

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005

near beer

Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.

Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?

The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.

by McCririck's unlucky Laundress October 2, 2005