Markwonder's definitions

Marriage

The point at which the friendship with your sweetheart ends and becomes a business relationship.

The point at which you stop having fun and take on responsibility for yourself and your new wife.

The end of your life as you once knew it.

Marriage is a lot like playing cards.

You start out giving a heart and a diamond, and end up wishing for a club and a spade.

by Markwonder January 11, 2011

Smart-ass

What Joe Biden thinks you are if you ask him to lower the U.S. citizens' tax burden.

While visiting Kopp's frozen custard shop in Milwaukee where smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin was on duty, Vice President Joe Biden was sampling some of the tasty treats.

Biden: "What do I owe you for the delicious custard?"

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: “Don’t worry, it’s on the house. … Lower our taxes and we’ll call it even.”

Biden: “Why don’t you say something nice instead of being a Smart–ass all the time?”

Smart-ass Custard Shop Manager Scott Borkin: (Thinking) This motherfucker just lost my vote.

by markwonder August 30, 2010

Shart

When you push too hard to fart and end up shitting your drawers.

Shart philosophy seen on bathroom wall:

Here I sit all broken hearted, came to shit but only farted.
Then one day I took a chance, went to fart and shit my pants.

by Markwonder March 18, 2011

Hypocrite

A hypocrite is someone who is critical of a certain practice when they themselves are engaging in the very same practice.

Anyone who supports illegal immigration in Arizona yet maintains locks on the doors of their homes and businesses to keep people from just walking in and taking anything they may need to make a better life for themselves or their families is a hypocrite.

by Markwonder May 14, 2010

Redneck Doorbell

The truck's horn. Lets your date know that you're sitting out front of the trailer waiting to pick her up.

Jimmy used the redneck doorbell to let Charlene know he was out front waiting to take her to the Dairy Stripe.

by Markwonder November 27, 2010

Intolerance

Usually practiced by those on the left of the political spectrum when they are confronted with an opinion or belief that is different than theirs.

During the Miss America Pageant, When asked by judge Perez Hilton, an openly gay gossip blogger, whether she believed in gay marriage, Miss California, Carrie Prejean, said "We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that's how I was raised."
Carrie Prejean was sneered and booed at by the audience and confronted with such abject hate and intolerance by the audience and many liberals for her opinion that many of the gay men at the event
wondered aloud why the judges did not discriminate against her for her beliefs. The question came up as to why Carrie Prejean was not thrown out of the competition for her stand on gay marriage.

by markwonder April 20, 2009

Wiseacre

Old person speak for smartass.

That Emmet Wickersham is a real wiseacre, I tell you. I caught him stealing checkers off the board while I was looking at Lawrence Welk on the television set." "If he tries that just one more time, I'm calling the nurse."

by Markwonder August 30, 2010