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Jade

Jade is a generally green semi precious gemstone and as well as being a colour (Hex: 558A84 RGB: 85,138,132.) It is also the best name for a female (of any species) The name Jade is best suited to someone with dark hair and tends to conjure up an oriental feel (mmm... sounds hot)
The love of my life,
My reason for existence;
All my dreams come true,
I offer no resistance.

Bad poetry will I write,
far past the end of time;
my drink of choice is vodka,
with soda, lemon and lime.

Life is hard, I must admit my despair
I am in love, all should be so sweet
What is so right cannot be wrong
I love you

Note: it is the authors opinion that poetry does not have to rhyme. This point is especially valid when the poetry in question is of such a poor standard as is the case above.

However; this is of no importance as
I love Jade and I will continue to regardless of everything

Jade is Sweetness
Tracey is a Bogan
I am and have always been The lowest priority
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
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Scrot rot

Slang abbreviation of the fungal disease 'Scrophulareaceae Rot'

Although this invigorating fungi is primarily to be found growing on plants within the Scrophulareaceae family; it can also commonly be observed (under magnification) on Woolly bush (Adenanthos serecieus) and on the hirsute gonad pouch of the lesser brained Random bogan
Bogan1: "Tafe was so luke warm today; it is a good thing I had the scrot rot to keep me company"
Bogan2 (bogan in denial of being a bogan): You are such a Bogan

Dude1: "Dude, I have to tell you something; I dont think you are going to be krossd about it"
Dude2: "Dude, you know you can tell me anything dude. You're like my brother from another mother, dude"
Dude1: Well since you brought that up. I caught the scrot rot from you mums hot knickers dude; I'm sorry dude, but Im so scared, please hold me dude"
Dude2: Fuck off you Random bogan mother fucker
Dude1: Fair enough dude

In all seriousness folks, we have to inform you that the risk of contracting 'Scrot rot' in todays world of automobiles, double ended purple dildo bongs and other such fancy stuff is all too real.
We must protect ourselves; we must preserve our way of life for the good of humanity; for the survival of the earth herself.
Please; if you care you can help, you can make a real difference – it will only take half an hour or so a week out of your busy life, and it is both satisfying and easy to do. Take the time to shave or wax your 'fun zone' - it is the only way we can contain this epidemic and save countless souls the undeniable agony of itchy nuts.

Thankyou for your consideration of this matter.

This community service announcement was generously brought to you by the guys n’ gals down at:
Be a better Bogan inc.
Bobs dildo shop “From big to small, we shall fill them all”
And
Lionels house of Mirkin “mmm… Lionels”
by Luke Warm October 21, 2008
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Love the cock

A term used to describe what everyone should do. whether it be your own or someone elses: we must all 'Love the Cock' - you know its true (would I lie to you?)
Oh my god I love the cock, gimme more

She does not love the cock enough

mmm... cock
by Luke Warm October 11, 2008
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Random Bogan

Random:
1. Someone of little significance
2. Everyone that you don't know and some that you do

Bogan:
1. Trailer trash
2. Your mother
3. see above
4. Look around, they are everywhere. Can often be found at Safeway or exploring Woolly bush while wearing a flannelette shirt, black acca-dacca t-shirt or wife basher singlet as well as tight black jeans and desert boots (DB's).
There are three main keys to correctly identifying a Bogan:

1. The obligatory packet of wini-blues rolled up in the sleeve to draw attention to the guns that they have developed from years of being a wanker;

2. The stubby or can of Victoria Bitter (VB); which also proves how little taste and class Bogans possess; and

3. The 'Mullet' the haircut with its own motto:
'Business at the front, party at the back'
in some circles also referred to as:
'Party at the back, business at the front'
Either way it is still a shit haircut

Random Bogan:
Look in the mirror; tell me what you see
I wish these Random Bogans would just get out of my way

There are so many Random Bogans here; it is not hot. I would go so far as to say that it is so Luke warm here right now

So little air, so many Random Bogans

Your mother is a Random Bogan.
That makes your father a 'Random Bogan Mother Fucker'.
Guess that must really suck for you; good thing that as you are also a Random Bogan, no-one really gives a fuck

Harden the fuck up; stop being a Random Bogan
by Luke Warm August 3, 2008
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I need to be held

Term used to describe how a lot of us feel when confronted with the joys of daily life.
Time to go to work - I need to be held

I have a cold - I need to be held

My house fell over - I really need to be held.

I need to be held is also a very effective way of hurting someone (if you are that way inclined (Refer: Bogan or Succubus):
"I need to be held, but not by you"
Trust me, it doesnt feel good
by Luke Warm August 15, 2008
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Guide to relationships

The following is a guide to relationships; it is written by someone who has never had a complete relationship and is therefore considered to be potentially objective 'n stuff
Guide to relationships
Primary requirements for a happy relationship:

Love
Honesty
Respect
Trust
Faith

Without all five of the aforementioned prerequisites; at least one of the participents will never be truly happy.

The key to a successful relationship is communication. Open and honest communication ensures that there are no problems, no doubts. If you are in love with someone, you have nothing to hide from them or from yourself.

To be honest with others, you must first be honest with yourself.
You do know when you are making the wrong decision; what is the point of lying to yourself? You still know the truth - thats just silly.
It is too easy to talk yourself into the wrong choice; it is just as easy to make the right choice and it just gets easier.
Honesty requires very little brain power and instead of hurting the ones who love you; it makes them stronger.

A relationship must be balanced!
You are equals in every way
You both make the decisions, you both take responsibility
Its all about love; not money, not power, not intelligence - just love.
by luke warm October 18, 2008
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What the fuck?

An expression used to convey various reactions to events. ‘What the fuck?’ may be used in an attempt to explain any one or combination of the reactions/emotions listed below and then some.

A: Confusion
B: Incredulous confusion
C: Surprise
D: Disappointment
E: Hurt
F: Anger
G: Ironically
What the fuck?’ Is rarely used as a positive statement; however it may be used ironically to convey such is life (refer ex G)

*Note: The ‘McDonalds’ referred to in the following examples is not the all too familiar icon of western civilisation that sells a wide variety of meal choices at prices that are reasonable to the consumer.
The use of the name ‘McDonalds’ is pure coincidence; the name (as applied to the examples below) was randomly generated using a super-dooper computer.

A: Confusion
I was walking past McDonalds the other day; it smelt disgusting. So I was like “What the fuck? Why would you want to eat that?”

B: Incredulous confusion
What the fuck? All of the people driving into McDonalds look like cheeseburgers!!

C: Surprise
What the fuck Tracey; is that your mother working at McDonalds in her hot knickers making cheeseburgers?

D: Disappointment
What the fuck is the world coming to when people are willing to eat greasy cheesys from McDonalds?

E: Hurt
Oh God, what the fuck? How could you eat that cheeseburger from McDonalds? Can’t you see how much anguish and sorrow it causes me to watch you stuff that disgusting in every way symbol of everything that is wrong with the world into your mouth and watch the grease drip down from your lips over your chins, one after another. At the very least it hurts my stomach; what with all the vomiting induced just by the thought of McDonalds cheeseburger consumption by the average overweight western society individual who has little concern for where the produce comes from, the conditions of those involved, the environmental ramifications of fast food production, the nippl… <rant maximum allowable length reached>

F: Anger
What the fuck?
You fuckin’ barstool
There is a maximum length for rants?
I didn’t know that; it makes me very angry, oh yes indeed
Fuckin McDonalds cheeseburgers


G: Ironically
What the fuck kind of a word is ironical; I guess it would have been too much to ask to have a decent name for ironical. It’s a stupid moronical word

*$$* This entire rant (and all sub-rants etc contained within) has not been endorsed by the wonderful people at the greatest corporation in the whole universe – McDonalds *$$*

mmm… Subway

Sunday 09/11/2008
by Luke Warm December 23, 2008
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