Little Walnut's definitions

Analgeist

When you suddenly become aware that everyone you know is having anal sex, including you.

"So Mark and I were doing anal last night and––"
"Wait. You're into anal?"
"Yeah! I decided to give it another try!"
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"Me four!"
"Whoa. It's in the analgeist."

by Little Walnut January 9, 2017

Banana Window

The extremely brief window of time––sometimes as short as ten minutes––when a banana is at its perfect level of ripeness.

"You should take a bite of this here banana."

"No thanks. The banana window hasn't opened just yet."

by Little Walnut March 4, 2017

Telepootation

The mysterious phenomenon that occurs only when walking a dog at night, involving poo traveling sometimes several inches, sometimes several feet from where you just saw the dog poop. This phenomenon necessitates a flashlight and a thorough search of the ground before discovering the new location of the poo.

"Good dog, Buddy. Yep. Poop it out. That's right. Okay, just gotta pick this poop up and then we can . . . where did it go? Damn you, telepootation!"

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018

Retail Guilt

What you feel when you watch a documentary about climate change and remember all the crap you just ordered online.

"Wow, this episode of Patriot Act is really disturbing. I had no idea fast fashion was creating so much waste. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."

"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."

by Little Walnut December 3, 2019

Whorigin Story

The inception of a man or woman's promiscuous habits.

"Have you always been such a womanizer?"

"Oh, no. You should have seen me in high school. I never even kissed a girl. And then, one day, everything changed..."

"Interesting. I'd love to hear your whorigin story."

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018

Force Lunch

When you do someone a favor and they insist on thanking you by taking you to lunch and completely disrupting your day.

"Thank you so much for lending me your pen."

"It was nothing, really."

"Let me take you to lunch to thank you properly."

"Seriously, it's not necessary."

"When is it convenient for you?"

"Never."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you can make time."

"No means no! You're trying to force lunch me!"

by Little Walnut November 15, 2013

Un-thank you

What you say when you find out you thanked someone undeservedly.

"Thank you for sending in that insurance check. I got so busy I totally forgot."
"I didn't send it."

"Oh. Well, un-thank you. You're the worst."

by Little Walnut October 2, 2017