Little Walnut's definitions

Shit's Hard

Sometimes the only thing you can say to a friend who is getting their ass handed to them by life.

"Hey, how you doing?"
"Not great. I've had three colds this month, I'm broke, I'm not getting laid, I've gained thirty pounds, and the whole world is falling apart."
"Yeah... shit's hard, man."

by Little Walnut October 3, 2017

Analgeist

When you suddenly become aware that everyone you know is having anal sex, including you.

"So Mark and I were doing anal last night and––"
"Wait. You're into anal?"
"Yeah! I decided to give it another try!"
"Me too!"
"Me three!"
"Me four!"
"Whoa. It's in the analgeist."

by Little Walnut January 9, 2017

Banana Window

The extremely brief window of time––sometimes as short as ten minutes––when a banana is at its perfect level of ripeness.

"You should take a bite of this here banana."

"No thanks. The banana window hasn't opened just yet."

by Little Walnut March 4, 2017

Telepootation

The mysterious phenomenon that occurs only when walking a dog at night, involving poo traveling sometimes several inches, sometimes several feet from where you just saw the dog poop. This phenomenon necessitates a flashlight and a thorough search of the ground before discovering the new location of the poo.

"Good dog, Buddy. Yep. Poop it out. That's right. Okay, just gotta pick this poop up and then we can . . . where did it go? Damn you, telepootation!"

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018

Down in the Trumps

When you feel too depressed to perform basic life functions, and the only explanation is that Donald Trump is your president.

"I just watched twelve videos of baby goats in sweaters to cheer myself up."
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. Just down in the Trumps."
"Yeah... can you send me those videos?"

by Little Walnut November 21, 2016

Whorigin Story

The inception of a man or woman's promiscuous habits.

"Have you always been such a womanizer?"

"Oh, no. You should have seen me in high school. I never even kissed a girl. And then, one day, everything changed..."

"Interesting. I'd love to hear your whorigin story."

by Little Walnut August 25, 2018

Un-thank you

What you say when you find out you thanked someone undeservedly.

"Thank you for sending in that insurance check. I got so busy I totally forgot."
"I didn't send it."

"Oh. Well, un-thank you. You're the worst."

by Little Walnut October 2, 2017