Definitions by Little Walnut
Letitimate
The state of being of a woman who conforms to the laws and rules of society with the mistaken assumption she's playing by the same set of rules as men.
Kamala Harris and Hillary Clinton both seemed like legitimate choices for presidential candidates, but it turns out they were only letitimate.
Letitimate by Little Walnut November 21, 2024
Virtual Social Distancing
Someone you rarely hang out with: "Hey, want to have a zoom call tonight?"
You: "Sorry! I can't."
Someone you rarely hang out with: "Why not? It's not like you can go out."
You: "I know, but I'm practicing virtual social distancing."
You: "Sorry! I can't."
Someone you rarely hang out with: "Why not? It's not like you can go out."
You: "I know, but I'm practicing virtual social distancing."
Virtual Social Distancing by Little Walnut March 31, 2020
Retail Guilt
What you feel when you watch a documentary about climate change and remember all the crap you just ordered online.
"Wow, this episode of Patriot Act is really disturbing. I had no idea fast fashion was creating so much waste. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."
"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."
"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."
Retail Guilt by Little Walnut December 3, 2019
Sidesgiving
An alternative to the traditional Thanksgiving dinner centered around a humongous, oven-hogging bird, in which you and your guests make the meal about the sides instead of the turkey. Because if turkey is so great why don't we eat it all year? More mashed potatoes, please!
"What unspeakable hour are you going to get up at on your day off to put that 20 lb. turkey into the oven?"
"Maybe, like, 10 a.m."
"Whaaaaat?! It'll never be ready for dinner at 3!"
"Yeah, that's okay, because we're not having turkey this year. We're doing Sidesgiving. Sucker."
"Maybe, like, 10 a.m."
"Whaaaaat?! It'll never be ready for dinner at 3!"
"Yeah, that's okay, because we're not having turkey this year. We're doing Sidesgiving. Sucker."
Sidesgiving by Little Walnut November 13, 2018
Telepootation
The mysterious phenomenon that occurs only when walking a dog at night, involving poo traveling sometimes several inches, sometimes several feet from where you just saw the dog poop. This phenomenon necessitates a flashlight and a thorough search of the ground before discovering the new location of the poo.
"Good dog, Buddy. Yep. Poop it out. That's right. Okay, just gotta pick this poop up and then we can . . . where did it go? Damn you, telepootation!"
Telepootation by Little Walnut August 25, 2018
Whorigin Story
"Have you always been such a womanizer?"
"Oh, no. You should have seen me in high school. I never even kissed a girl. And then, one day, everything changed..."
"Interesting. I'd love to hear your whorigin story."
"Oh, no. You should have seen me in high school. I never even kissed a girl. And then, one day, everything changed..."
"Interesting. I'd love to hear your whorigin story."
Whorigin Story by Little Walnut August 25, 2018
Shit's Hard
"Hey, how you doing?"
"Not great. I've had three colds this month, I'm broke, I'm not getting laid, I've gained thirty pounds, and the whole world is falling apart."
"Yeah... shit's hard, man."
"Not great. I've had three colds this month, I'm broke, I'm not getting laid, I've gained thirty pounds, and the whole world is falling apart."
"Yeah... shit's hard, man."
Shit's Hard by Little Walnut October 3, 2017