Little Walnut's definitions

Force Lunch

When you do someone a favor and they insist on thanking you by taking you to lunch and completely disrupting your day.

"Thank you so much for lending me your pen."

"It was nothing, really."

"Let me take you to lunch to thank you properly."

"Seriously, it's not necessary."

"When is it convenient for you?"

"Never."

"Oh, come on. I'm sure you can make time."

"No means no! You're trying to force lunch me!"

by Little Walnut November 15, 2013

Down in the Trumps

When you feel too depressed to perform basic life functions, and the only explanation is that Donald Trump is your president.

"I just watched twelve videos of baby goats in sweaters to cheer myself up."
"What's the matter?"
"Oh, nothing. Just down in the Trumps."
"Yeah... can you send me those videos?"

by Little Walnut November 21, 2016

Retail Guilt

What you feel when you watch a documentary about climate change and remember all the crap you just ordered online.

"Wow, this episode of Patriot Act is really disturbing. I had no idea fast fashion was creating so much waste. Hey, are you okay? You look like you're going to throw up."

"Yeah... just thinking about the 10 shirts I don't need that'll be arriving on my doorstep tomorrow and having some serious retail guilt. I'm an asshole."

by Little Walnut December 3, 2019

Virtual Social Distancing

The only way to avoid a virtual hangout during quarantine.

Someone you rarely hang out with: "Hey, want to have a zoom call tonight?"
You: "Sorry! I can't."
Someone you rarely hang out with: "Why not? It's not like you can go out."
You: "I know, but I'm practicing virtual social distancing."

by Little Walnut March 31, 2020

Un-thank you

What you say when you find out you thanked someone undeservedly.

"Thank you for sending in that insurance check. I got so busy I totally forgot."
"I didn't send it."

"Oh. Well, un-thank you. You're the worst."

by Little Walnut October 2, 2017

Shit's Hard

Sometimes the only thing you can say to a friend who is getting their ass handed to them by life.

"Hey, how you doing?"
"Not great. I've had three colds this month, I'm broke, I'm not getting laid, I've gained thirty pounds, and the whole world is falling apart."
"Yeah... shit's hard, man."

by Little Walnut October 3, 2017

Banana Window

The extremely brief window of time––sometimes as short as ten minutes––when a banana is at its perfect level of ripeness.

"You should take a bite of this here banana."

"No thanks. The banana window hasn't opened just yet."

by Little Walnut March 4, 2017