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Lee Farmie's definitions

Sutherland rules

There often comes a time in any competitive sport, game or pastime where the rules are mysteriously changed to favour one participant. This participant will convince all his or her opponents that these are the commonly accepted and legitimate rules regardless of available published regulations which are to hand and which they seem to contradict.

The person asserting these revised rules will be strongly advantaged and will almost invariably win as a result of these rules. These are Sutherland Rules.
Jim won the crazy golf competition, but only by adopting the Sutherland rules.
by Lee Farmie October 6, 2004
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Floating cheese

A prolonged conversation of no meaning undertaken exclusively by males under the influence of large quantities of alcohol. Nothing of any value is established through such intercourse the purpose of which is purely for the entertainment of those so engaged. Although utterly hilarious to those participating in a floating cheese conversation such talk invariably leaves sober bystanders and all females wholly perplexed.

The term comes from one such meaningless conversation in which the relative bouyancy of cheese was hotly debated for many hours.
The six old friends enjoyed an evening of strong ale and floating cheese.
by Lee Farmie October 6, 2004
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blazer

An official of any small amateur or semi-professional football (soccer) club in the UK. They are often, but not exclusively, elderly, haughty and completely out of touch with the club's supporters.

They drink free tea and cakes before, at half-time and after the game, they NEVER pay to watch the game and always receive a free programme or matchday magazine. They almost invariably wear a white shirt, a club tie and, of course, a blazer: a dark jacket often bearing the club's crest on the breast pocket.

They tend to be held in low esteem by supporters and "blazer" should be considered a derogatory term.
As Vice Chairman, Clive felt he was an important and respected figure at the club. The fans just sniggered at the pompous old blazer.
by Lee Farmie October 15, 2004
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Grasmere Thunderbolt

A particularly offensive fart; one that tends to clear a room for anything up to half an hour.
The business meeting was suspended for several minutes after Timothy involuntarily dropped a Grasmere Thunderbolt.
by Lee Farmie October 15, 2004
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Toilet hugging

Almost complete incapacitation due to excessive alcohol consumption. A toilet-hugger is likely to wake up in the morning on the lavatory floor with a raging hangover.
Digby was left toilet-hugging drunk having had one pint of Strongbow too many at the golf club on Saturday night.
by Lee Farmie October 15, 2004
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mad dog

Someone who, during the course of a conversation or debate, becomes increasingly agitated and ends up ranting and raving.

The best way of tipping such a person over the edge is to start chanting "mad dog, mad dog, mad dog", in unison, quietly at first but growing in volume while tapping your nails on the table top. This will guarantee an hilarious end to the conversation.
Derek, a notorious mad dog screamed: "LOOK, YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!....".
by Lee Farmie October 15, 2004
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snecklifter

A beer ponce. A sneck is an old-fashioned latch and a snecklifter was someone who would lift the latch on a door of a pub, poke their head into the bar to see if there was the friendly face of someone who would buy him a pint.

Lent its name to a dark ale brewed by Jennings of Cockermouth in the English Lake District.
As usual, Terry, a notorious snecklifter, left the pub without buying a round.
by Lee Farmie October 15, 2004
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