by Lârry Dângüs, esq. October 23, 2020
Any car with an alarm which is consistently activated by the slightest movement or vibration. Every low-income neighborhood has at least a few ghetto wind chimes present at all times. Frequently parked near sketch pads.
There are way too many ghetto wind chimes around here...they start sounding off every time a bird takes a shit on someone's windshield.
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. September 15, 2008
While referring primarily to HIV and hepatitis, the term 'needle cooties' can apply to any malady which can be transmitted though the sharing of needles for intravenous drug use.
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. November 27, 2015
Activities which are routinely associated with the sale and use of crack cocaine. Cracktivities are normally characterized by the desperate style with which they are executed. Cracktivities often include (but are not limited to) such things as:
1. the sucking/jerking on/off of trouser trout for a relatively small amount of money.
2. the typical smash and grab.
3. being secretly filmed by the police while you pace around in a hotel room, smoking rocks with a hooker, à la Marion Barry.
4. anything Amy Winehouse participates in while she is not in rehab.
5. anything the ODB participated in prior to his death (which was, of course, due to cracktivities).
6. most undertakings which occur within the confines or close proximity of a sketch pad.
1. the sucking/jerking on/off of trouser trout for a relatively small amount of money.
2. the typical smash and grab.
3. being secretly filmed by the police while you pace around in a hotel room, smoking rocks with a hooker, à la Marion Barry.
4. anything Amy Winehouse participates in while she is not in rehab.
5. anything the ODB participated in prior to his death (which was, of course, due to cracktivities).
6. most undertakings which occur within the confines or close proximity of a sketch pad.
When passing through the city of Memphis, it is highly advisable to keep one's car windows rolled up and avoid stopping if at all possible. This will minimize the likelihood of your becoming entangled with the inevitably omnipresent cracktivities.
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. September 21, 2008
This term refers to a gratuitous back-handed pop in the testicles, as delivered by Ashley Schaeffer to Kenny Powers in the HBO series Eastbound and Down.
It is ordinarily considered bad form to give an ashley schaeffer under most circumstances, however, this rule tends to loosen when excessive amounts of alcohol are added to the equation. It is often hypothesized that male drinking buddies who regularly execute the ashley schaeffer may suffer from unrequited homosexual desires. Either that, or they just have a really sadistic sense of humor. Either way, the ashley schaeffer is rarely funny to the recipient.
It is ordinarily considered bad form to give an ashley schaeffer under most circumstances, however, this rule tends to loosen when excessive amounts of alcohol are added to the equation. It is often hypothesized that male drinking buddies who regularly execute the ashley schaeffer may suffer from unrequited homosexual desires. Either that, or they just have a really sadistic sense of humor. Either way, the ashley schaeffer is rarely funny to the recipient.
The church pastor failed to see the humor in my quick and ruthless delivery of an ashley schaeffer to his holy ballsack. Maybe I should have waited until the sermon was over.
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. July 23, 2009
The lesbian daughter of former US vice president Dick Cheney. Mary Cheney and her life partner, Heather Poe, have two children, Dr. Quinn and Medicine Woman, both of whom are the result of a lesbian miracle. Ms. Cheney revealed in a recent interview that her children's names were inspired by a line of dialogue spoken by fictional race car driver Ricky Bobby in Ms. Cheney's favorite film, Talladega Nights.
Noted gay columnist Dan Savage has publicly referred to Ms. Cheney as a "useless dyke" due to her active involvement with the Bush Administration and the half-assed stand she has taken for gay rights. Mary Cheney responded to Savage's remark with a thinly-veiled threat to have her dark lord father send him to Guantanamo Bay, presumably to be tortured and held indefinitely without charges, as is customary in the post-9/11 police state formerly known as the United States of America.
Noted gay columnist Dan Savage has publicly referred to Ms. Cheney as a "useless dyke" due to her active involvement with the Bush Administration and the half-assed stand she has taken for gay rights. Mary Cheney responded to Savage's remark with a thinly-veiled threat to have her dark lord father send him to Guantanamo Bay, presumably to be tortured and held indefinitely without charges, as is customary in the post-9/11 police state formerly known as the United States of America.
Mary Cheney was the director of vice presidential operations for the Bush-Cheney 2004 Presidential re-election campaign, which is rather ironic considering the fact that the Bush Administration's official policy on gays and lesbians is that they "should all shut the hell up and stop being all gay and stuff"*.
*quote by former Attorney General John Ashcroft, 2004
*quote by former Attorney General John Ashcroft, 2004
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. January 03, 2012
The opposite of gaslighting.
Instead of a malevolent person trying to convince someone that their valid perspective is irrational,
an irrational person tries to accuse an innocent person of malevolence.
Instead of a malevolent person trying to convince someone that their valid perspective is irrational,
an irrational person tries to accuse an innocent person of malevolence.
I've never cheated on my partner and never would,
but she keeps insisting there's something bad going on.
I cannot stop her from lightgassing me.
but she keeps insisting there's something bad going on.
I cannot stop her from lightgassing me.
by Lârry Dângüs, esq. February 13, 2025