Kodiac1's definitions
Mind reading is a way to explore the minds of anothers. You have a secret sexual fantasy? Whether it be those divine twins who work in the sandwich shop down the road, or dressing up as Nanamis Gouri and being licked by traffic wardens, just find someone who has done it and suck the experience right out of their brains. Presto, you might as well have done it yourself! Anyone can be a mind-reader, and of course sexual gratification is not the only use it can be put to. Many people, including babies, have learned the skill and use it on a day-to-day basis, although in the case of infants, nobody knows what use they put the knowledge to.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Mind reading mug.Scandinavia was a conspiracy theory developed by the Soviets in the 1640s. The only parties falling for this April's Day prank were Sweden, Norway and John Kerry. Denmark, Iceland and Finland have often been accused of being part of Scandinavia, but they deny these allegations. Denmark says that they were just playing along and knew all along that it was just a joke.
The Soviet government claimed that Scandinavia was a happy group of countries that did not want to be part of the Cold War or any major global political decision. Early membership benefits included free health care and education without oppressive government. Not to be outdone by commies, USA founded Canada.
After the fall of the Berlin wall, western historians were given access to the Soviet plans of this conspiracy. Later it was revealed that the initial plans were written on a dirty napkin from Hard Rock Cafe in Paris, France.
On most maps, Scandinavia appears as a large nut sack teabagging Europe. Scandinavia's major exports are porn, Volvos and sex-change operations. Major imports are Sun, bikinis and early episodes of MacGyver.
The Soviet government claimed that Scandinavia was a happy group of countries that did not want to be part of the Cold War or any major global political decision. Early membership benefits included free health care and education without oppressive government. Not to be outdone by commies, USA founded Canada.
After the fall of the Berlin wall, western historians were given access to the Soviet plans of this conspiracy. Later it was revealed that the initial plans were written on a dirty napkin from Hard Rock Cafe in Paris, France.
On most maps, Scandinavia appears as a large nut sack teabagging Europe. Scandinavia's major exports are porn, Volvos and sex-change operations. Major imports are Sun, bikinis and early episodes of MacGyver.
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Scandinavia mug.Emo Bingo is the rather hardcore game of bingo, now played instead of Goth Bingo, due to the fact that the suicidal cliche has now been usurped from the Goth movement.
You and your friends (Ha! Yeah, right.) should gather around a computer and open up your internet browser of choice. Here, you should lay down the following ground rules:
1. Determine which blogging spaces are allowed (MySpace, Xanga, etc.).
2. Optionally choose a selection filter (Celebrities, <18, "tweens", blondes, emo hair, etc.).
3. Randomly generated your Emo Bingo card using the Emo Bingo Generation Program.
4. Determine how much alcohol is to be consumed (minimum or maximum) between rounds. Because you're going to need alcohol to withstand their emo radiation.
The card is divided into 5 collumns, each with a specific theme.
* B: B is for Bitching, which is what they do. About everyone. Seriously.
* I: I is for Illiterate, which is what they are. This column asks for their writings.
* N: N is for No Taste. This column is for their music choices.
* G: G is for Graphics. Unfortunately, they won't cut themselves and leave something graphic enough.
* O: O is for Original, which is what they think thier names are. Prove them wrong.
For more fun, play for patterns (the Square, the Tee, the Cross, the X), play cards back to back, simultaniously. Furthermore, if this is not enough to satisfy you, you can play "Fake the Emo" bingo, in which you start accounts in order to confuse emos into believing your lies. Whoever gets the first fatality wins! Yay!
You and your friends (Ha! Yeah, right.) should gather around a computer and open up your internet browser of choice. Here, you should lay down the following ground rules:
1. Determine which blogging spaces are allowed (MySpace, Xanga, etc.).
2. Optionally choose a selection filter (Celebrities, <18, "tweens", blondes, emo hair, etc.).
3. Randomly generated your Emo Bingo card using the Emo Bingo Generation Program.
4. Determine how much alcohol is to be consumed (minimum or maximum) between rounds. Because you're going to need alcohol to withstand their emo radiation.
The card is divided into 5 collumns, each with a specific theme.
* B: B is for Bitching, which is what they do. About everyone. Seriously.
* I: I is for Illiterate, which is what they are. This column asks for their writings.
* N: N is for No Taste. This column is for their music choices.
* G: G is for Graphics. Unfortunately, they won't cut themselves and leave something graphic enough.
* O: O is for Original, which is what they think thier names are. Prove them wrong.
For more fun, play for patterns (the Square, the Tee, the Cross, the X), play cards back to back, simultaniously. Furthermore, if this is not enough to satisfy you, you can play "Fake the Emo" bingo, in which you start accounts in order to confuse emos into believing your lies. Whoever gets the first fatality wins! Yay!
by kodiac1 July 9, 2006
Get the Emo Bingo mug.New is a synthetic material and it was originally developed as a rubber replacement. But it is nowadays used everywhere from igloos to spandex pants and it has mostly replaced old. The first new factories were located in Jersey. Later there were so much new production there that people called it humorously New Jersey. Nowadays there is a movement lead by Ashton Kutcher against using new because large corporations are accused of using child labour in the production of new. If you have a lot of otherwise useless old you can polish it with new.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Get the new mug.WTF (Windows Text File) is a plain-text file format developed by Microsoft. It is intended for storing text information in readable form. Many users report problems opening it, because most systems don't know what to do with the .wtf file extension. The resulting error messsage "WTF? Unknown file extension!" is widely known. The chat acronym WTF is commonly used to signify uncertainty or unpleasant surprise.
As part of Microsoft's effort to develop free, open, user-friendly software environments, it is constantly improving file formats. After WMV (Windows Media Video) and (WMA - Windows Media Audio), it published proposals for WMP (Windows Media Picture) and WTF (Windows Text File) in May, 2006.
"WTF?" is the usual response by many users, who are not sure how Microsoft intends to compete with TXT format. Microsoft's release timeline calls for the TXT format to be made obsolete within months, by disallowing Windows Vista to open .txt files.
As part of Microsoft's effort to develop free, open, user-friendly software environments, it is constantly improving file formats. After WMV (Windows Media Video) and (WMA - Windows Media Audio), it published proposals for WMP (Windows Media Picture) and WTF (Windows Text File) in May, 2006.
"WTF?" is the usual response by many users, who are not sure how Microsoft intends to compete with TXT format. Microsoft's release timeline calls for the TXT format to be made obsolete within months, by disallowing Windows Vista to open .txt files.
System Requirements
* '$30.00' license fee for usage
* Cheese grater
* 76 IQ maximum (any more and KERNEL32 takes a dive)
wtf
* '$30.00' license fee for usage
* Cheese grater
* 76 IQ maximum (any more and KERNEL32 takes a dive)
wtf
by Kodiac1 December 12, 2006
Get the Wtf mug.Thomas Edison (1820-1955) was best known as a humorist and secretly wrote material for Mark Twain and David Letterman. In his spare time he worked in the Patent Office and ghost-wrote Albert Einstein's relativity papers. It has been alleged that he inherited a method for sexing bees from his mother, Mother Teresa, although the evidence points to him having developed it himself in the early 1700s. In 1877, journeyed with his youthful "ward" Henry Ford to Mars, landing outside The Fabled City of Z'la and encountering the High Martians. During the next 12 years, he reched a period of maximum creativity, in which he invented the black people, the Spinning Rectangle, and Snow Cones. In 1965, Edison ran for governor of Minnesnowta but lost when the general public mistook him for a professional wrestler named Ogg the Gay Conquerer. Collaborated with TimeCube to debunk Albert Newton. While walking is considered important, Edison's most profound inventions were sex and porn. Porn is the top suspect responsible for the Internet Crash of 1864.
Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:
* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb
It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:
* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb
It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Thomas Edison mug.Fictional rock is a genre of music invented by the Japanese played entirely with drums and is named after the fiction created by them.
Only four entities play fictional rock, the first is a Monkey and the other three are the members of the band The Three Steves. But don't tell Steve Ballmer we said that or he'll fucking kill us.
Only four entities play fictional rock, the first is a Monkey and the other three are the members of the band The Three Steves. But don't tell Steve Ballmer we said that or he'll fucking kill us.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Fictional rock mug.