Kodiac1's definitions
7-11 is the historical name ascribed to the most prevalent naturally occuring inconvenience store. Known since antiquity, 7-11 has become the world's foremost purveyor of toxically unhealthy processed food products. Also notable are the frictionless tile floors and the uniformly East Indian service staff.
7-11 has been a recognized natural phenomenon since the dawn of recorded history.
It is believed that the 7-11 was a natural evolution of the 7-10, a prehistoric herd animal. 7-10 were common when the entire landmass of Earth was concentrated into one supercontinent, Pangaea. Herds of 7-10 freely roamed the continent, having only one natural predator - the Chuck Norris. The massive evolutionary strain induced by such a formidable foe necessitated a new evolutionary strategy.
The first 7-11 was created by a confluence of the superintelligent East Indians and a herd of 7-10. This new symbiotic strategy proved successful - so successful, in fact, that individual members could survive without the protection of the herd. 7-11 spread to every corner of the supercontinent before the famed breakup of Pangaea (actually caused by one of Chuck Norris' temper tantrums) and so were located around the planet when humans showed up some hundreds of millions of years later.
The influence of the 7-11 on humanity has been tremendous. Former hunter/gatherer societies, upon finding a cluster of 7-11, would settle there rather than continuing their nomadic lifestyle. With the relief of the burden of constantly searching for food, humans were free to develop other primitive activities, such as religion and the killing of innocent people. It is at this point in history that we see the first evidence of Norris worship, including human sacrifice and execution by roundhouse kicking. The first cities developed around herds of 7-11, and wars were common between those who had access to 7-11 and those who did not have such privilege.
7-11 has been a recognized natural phenomenon since the dawn of recorded history.
It is believed that the 7-11 was a natural evolution of the 7-10, a prehistoric herd animal. 7-10 were common when the entire landmass of Earth was concentrated into one supercontinent, Pangaea. Herds of 7-10 freely roamed the continent, having only one natural predator - the Chuck Norris. The massive evolutionary strain induced by such a formidable foe necessitated a new evolutionary strategy.
The first 7-11 was created by a confluence of the superintelligent East Indians and a herd of 7-10. This new symbiotic strategy proved successful - so successful, in fact, that individual members could survive without the protection of the herd. 7-11 spread to every corner of the supercontinent before the famed breakup of Pangaea (actually caused by one of Chuck Norris' temper tantrums) and so were located around the planet when humans showed up some hundreds of millions of years later.
The influence of the 7-11 on humanity has been tremendous. Former hunter/gatherer societies, upon finding a cluster of 7-11, would settle there rather than continuing their nomadic lifestyle. With the relief of the burden of constantly searching for food, humans were free to develop other primitive activities, such as religion and the killing of innocent people. It is at this point in history that we see the first evidence of Norris worship, including human sacrifice and execution by roundhouse kicking. The first cities developed around herds of 7-11, and wars were common between those who had access to 7-11 and those who did not have such privilege.
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Get the 7-11mug. Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
by kodiac1 July 8, 2006
Get the Kung Fumug. Adjective-Space is derived from applying the natural progression of physics to the real world. Physics progresses by reducing the number of independent dimensions of the theoretical world into a manageable number of meaningful orthenormal vectors. Physicist have succeeded in removing all meaning from their field of study fairly recently when the last three dimensions collapsed into each other, Mass, distance and time. Adjective theorists wish to apply this same idea to adjective space, they attempt to find ways to reduce the total number of adjectives used. An example of this would be Color-Space. Recently Adjective theorists have managed to reduce the number of colors into three (Red, Green and Blue) Thus making other adjectives totally unnecessary. Purple is no longer needed, one red and one blue create purple. This is a rather simplistic example, an example of one of the more troubling adjectives is moist. Moist can clearly be described as a vector with the dimensions sticky and damp. The problem is that no one can agree on exactly the amount of sticky and damp needed to create one moist.
There has been much contention over the existence of Adjective-Space. The main competition is Poetry Theorists who believe that reducing the number of adjective dimensions in Adjective-Space reduces the utility of the space. The most famous of the anti-Adjective theory books was 1984.
There has been much contention over the existence of Adjective-Space. The main competition is Poetry Theorists who believe that reducing the number of adjective dimensions in Adjective-Space reduces the utility of the space. The most famous of the anti-Adjective theory books was 1984.
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Adjective-Spacemug. Mind reading is a way to explore the minds of anothers. You have a secret sexual fantasy? Whether it be those divine twins who work in the sandwich shop down the road, or dressing up as Nanamis Gouri and being licked by traffic wardens, just find someone who has done it and suck the experience right out of their brains. Presto, you might as well have done it yourself! Anyone can be a mind-reader, and of course sexual gratification is not the only use it can be put to. Many people, including babies, have learned the skill and use it on a day-to-day basis, although in the case of infants, nobody knows what use they put the knowledge to.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
The first mind reading was done by Ron L. Hubbabubba, as a tool for his religion called shitology. Of course there are also people who have learnt it on their own and it has been suspected that Hubbabubba was just seriously drunk and lied about his mind reading experiences.
There are two types of mind readers, who are described below:
Lower rank mind reader
These are the guys you should be afraid of. They just love to read the minds of people right next to them. On a bus, in an airplane, in a whorehouse, everywhere. You ever been sat in a cafe or perusing the dirty parts of the history books in the library when your phone beeps, and someone has sent you some stupid message by bluetooth? Well, imagine the scary looking librarian,(you know the one with the hair lip and support shoes) gazing into your brain while you are pocket fumbling over naked tribespeople in the National Geographic. Be afraid.
Über mind reader
You don't need to be afraid of these guys. Your sexual fantasies are too low rank for these guys. They spend their time trying read the mind of God. They take lots of classes to achieve this kind of power and believe me, they know everything, and if you had had a peek in God's mind, you would too. They all belong in secret organizations, like the Freemasons and McDonalds and you can't really know who is one of them, so suspect everyone.
How to learn mind reading
The question you have all been asking is to be answered now. Yes, you can become one too. One way is to contact shitologists. They will probably remove all your moneyclusters and destroy your life, but so what? At least you believe you can read minds after that. A better way to do this is to contact the nearest mind reading-school in your area. There you will be told all the tips and tricks to mind reading for a small fee - although you don't really need to contact them, for of course, they know you're coming. Is that the doorbell?
And of course there is the self studying route, which is not to be recommended. The easiest way to start it is to go at the nearest bar. There are usually lots of open minded people who are easy to read. Go sit right next to someone, stare him/her in the eyes and listen carefully. Can you hear anything? This is of course quite dangerous. If the guy who you are staring at realizes that he is being probed, he might just kick the shit out of you. Or he might think you want him, and then he'll have sex with you. And think about the failure when you tried to read peoples minds and next morning everybody knows your sexual fantasies and about the mole on your wifes/husbands left buttcheek.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Mind readingmug. Thomas Edison (1820-1955) was best known as a humorist and secretly wrote material for Mark Twain and David Letterman. In his spare time he worked in the Patent Office and ghost-wrote Albert Einstein's relativity papers. It has been alleged that he inherited a method for sexing bees from his mother, Mother Teresa, although the evidence points to him having developed it himself in the early 1700s. In 1877, journeyed with his youthful "ward" Henry Ford to Mars, landing outside The Fabled City of Z'la and encountering the High Martians. During the next 12 years, he reched a period of maximum creativity, in which he invented the black people, the Spinning Rectangle, and Snow Cones. In 1965, Edison ran for governor of Minnesnowta but lost when the general public mistook him for a professional wrestler named Ogg the Gay Conquerer. Collaborated with TimeCube to debunk Albert Newton. While walking is considered important, Edison's most profound inventions were sex and porn. Porn is the top suspect responsible for the Internet Crash of 1864.
Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:
* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb
It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:
* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb
It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Thomas Edisonmug. Trrorism is a common mispelling of errorism. If you misspeel this werd, you're a terrorist so fuck you.
Terrorism is a branch of marketing. Unlike other dishonest marketers who sell you ugly cookies loaded with dangerous trans fats or homes that are on BTK serial killer's regular visiting list, terrorists sell you undiluted terror without frills.
The promoters of tarriorism were small mom and dad popcorn retailers. These poor business people used up their retirement funds to build large and beautiful popcorn eating halls hoping to make their money back. However, none of these popcorn eating halls were any useful. People just did not show up.
One day, an angry mom killed some unthankful non-customers in her own semi-deserted popcorn hall. The killing, witnessed by some innocent passer-by school children, was soon popularized in town. In a couple of hours, people gathered in front of the popcorn hall demanding to see more pay per view killings. That angry mom sold each of them a bag of hot and tasty popcorn, and killed someone in the hall once the popcorn eating seats were all occupied.
And the rest is history.
Terrorism is a branch of marketing. Unlike other dishonest marketers who sell you ugly cookies loaded with dangerous trans fats or homes that are on BTK serial killer's regular visiting list, terrorists sell you undiluted terror without frills.
The promoters of tarriorism were small mom and dad popcorn retailers. These poor business people used up their retirement funds to build large and beautiful popcorn eating halls hoping to make their money back. However, none of these popcorn eating halls were any useful. People just did not show up.
One day, an angry mom killed some unthankful non-customers in her own semi-deserted popcorn hall. The killing, witnessed by some innocent passer-by school children, was soon popularized in town. In a couple of hours, people gathered in front of the popcorn hall demanding to see more pay per view killings. That angry mom sold each of them a bag of hot and tasty popcorn, and killed someone in the hall once the popcorn eating seats were all occupied.
And the rest is history.
by Kodiac1 July 3, 2006
Get the terrorismmug. What is a Line?
This is a line: _______
Lines: What Are They Good For?
That is a very good question.
* Thank you.
* You're welcome.
Well, a line is a thing that is straight, basically. You can draw one on a board or paint one on a highway (as long as they both go on without curving for infinity).
That's So Cool. What Else Are They Good For?
Do not ask, young stupid one. Look all around you. There are lines in the sky and lines in the sand.
This is a line: _______
Lines: What Are They Good For?
That is a very good question.
* Thank you.
* You're welcome.
Well, a line is a thing that is straight, basically. You can draw one on a board or paint one on a highway (as long as they both go on without curving for infinity).
That's So Cool. What Else Are They Good For?
Do not ask, young stupid one. Look all around you. There are lines in the sky and lines in the sand.
Whose Line is it Anyway
_____________________ ______________________
______________________ _____________________
_____________________ ______________________
______________________ _____________________
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Linemug.