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WebSense

It has been known that rogue states but also companies and universities put restrictions to the Internet usage. These restrictions are so aggressive and perverse that the Internet experience of the end-user is completely compromised.

WebSense comes to the rescue by providing stealth anonymity to the masses, allowing them to browse the Internet without restrictions. Due to this, WebSense is severely unpopular in specific non-secural countries; merely having WebSense software installed on your computer may land you in jail for two years.

WebSense offers anonymous secure proxy servers that end-users can connect to. Once such a server is blocked, WebSense activates a new one and informs the users through encrypted e-mail to switch to it.

There is currently work carried out to integrate WebSense with the Onion Routing project in order to offer protection against traffic analysis.

WebSense is resilient to differential analysis attacks thanks to patented technologies being employed.
"You can't touch this."

~ MC Hammer on accessing an illegal webpage using WebSense.
by kodiac1 July 9, 2006
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Stinky tofu

Stinky tofu is a biological weapon developed in China, but now primarily used by Taiwan. It is considered a weapon of mass destruction and its use is banned by the Geneva Convention. Saddam Hussein was accused of having this. Oh, you silly Saddam.
I smell feet!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Stinky tofu
by kodiac1 July 3, 2006
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Blue screen of death

The phrase Blue Screen of Death has its origins in the maritime trade, particularly buccaneer lore of the sixteenth century. When a ship is sunk, all that is left is the morbidly still ocean, glistening bright blue in the Caribbean sun. Thus, when one heads out to sea, with the intention of meeting another boat, and all one sees is the rolling blue ocean, one can sadly assume that that boat has sunk.

The phrase became absorbed into common language as a term referring to the feeling of empty hopelessness one experiences when faced with a vast expanse of watery oblivion. Staring out into Lake Windermere, the great poet William Bleak was sufficiently moved by the still blueness that he wrote his masterpiece "Songs of Death", eventually going on to kick-start the goth movement.

With the advent of air travel in the twentieth century, it became applicable to the sky, as well as the sea: many an early airman was deemed lost to the Blue Screen of Death (although quite a few of them simply turned out to have gotten slightly lost and landed in the wrong place). Over time the Blue Screen has become synonymous with loss, emptiness and to some, the Devil.

The association of the colour blue with death, watery or otherwise, is readily visible throughout modern civilisation. Household cleaners such as bleach are packaged in blue bottles, in memory of those who, when the product was new to the market, mistook it for cheap ouzo and passed away through dissolution of the digestive tract. When one sings "The Blues" one is reflecting on the brevity of life, and the oblivion that awaits in death. Cheese and onion crisps, known to be the foulest of all snack foods, often come packaged in blue to ward off the purchaser.

With this in mind, that the "Blue Screen of Death" is the most chilling and deadly entity in computer science is no surprise. They have been plaguing computer operators since someone had the bright idea of connecting a screen to a computer. This is one of the most puzzling phenomina in computing since during the 60's, 70's and 80's the Blue Screen of Death was able to manifest itself in full blueness on green and amber monochrome cathode, black and white, and two tone LCD screens

The Blue Screen of Death was slipped into the very core of the Windows operating system at its inception, by a malicious developer with a sick interest in pagan rites. It is rumoured that when one sees the Blue Screen of Death on a computer screen it wrenches a tiny part of your soul and binds it to the afflicted machine. Repeated exposure, legend has it, will eventually drain one's spirit, leaving a living corpse, pale and restless, existing without purpose and an unquenchable thirst for caffeine.

A recent evolution of the "Blue Screen of Death" feature in Windows Vista has serious side effects. Instead of simply displaying a "blue screen", the new variant displays random flashing colors in a superhypnobrainwave pattern, causing the user to have a seizure and die within 195 hours of continuous seizure. The seizures are extremely painful for the 195 hours, then the seizure-ee suddenly feels a jabbing pain in their lower upper thigh and dies. 96.3141592% of these seizures last for the full 195 hours. The colors of the screen randomly flash between red, green and blue and actually cause death, so this variant of the "Blue Screen" should instead be called an epileptic screen of red, green and blue death, but Microsoft have decided to make the feature part of their new family of software - creating "Windows Live Screen of Death Beta".

The blue screen of death has had many social consequences. The Catholic Church has condemmed the blue screen of death for promoting a "culture of death". Instead, the church favors the "Ooops" kernel messages generated by linux. The phrase "Ooops" is a sacred part of Roman Catholic tradition, as it is the sound an Irish women makes when she realizes that the rythem method of birth control doesn't work.

A recent study conducted by an up and coming university Massachusetts Institute of Technology, located in Chicago, has managed to determine the Blue Screen of Death as cause of other incidents. It was an extensive study, conducted for over 30 years by a group of under-fed under-grad students.

Incidents: broken computer equipment; violent crime and suicide increase; loss of data and home made movies; wet floor and terrified expression on the face of a person that used the computer last; mysterious deaths of occupants in high-tech residences; increase in drugs abuse; and many more.

It is also possible to see a yellow screen of death, if you are colour-blind. While the BSOD has been known to cause many many heartattacks, it has also been known to cause coniptions as well as the ability to gain super human strength and shoot eye beams into your computer monitor. Please, do not have a heart attack if it happens to you.
“Damn You Bill Gates.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Blue screen of death
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
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Roller coaster

By pure definition, a roller coaster is anything that may seem rebellious or appear dangerous when in fact, it's perfectly safe for family fun as long as you're over the height for 48 inches. Using this definition, it can be determined that Linkin Park is the typical example of a roller coaster.

Society's definition of the roller coaster is that it is a form of mass-transit system for small- and medium-sized cities. In principle, it is similar to a bus or monorail, in that passengers pay a small fee to board and be transported elsewhere. With roller coasters, however, passengers are also sent through double-backwards corkscrews, 85-degree death drops, underground tunnel plunges, and triple-twistback loop-the-loops, often at speeds of over 100 miles an hour and with G-forces approaching space shuttle launch (or crash) levels. Many cities are reconsidering the installation of coasters, due to the number of heart attacks, pregnant woman injuries, and scalding-hot-coffee-spill disfigurations, but they're just pussing out.

Roller coasters are also located in theme parks like Disneyland, Six Flags over Somewhere Really Flat and Boring, Fantazyland, Disneyland 2, Duff Gardens, Vekomaland, and Grue Park. The majority of them are made out of steel, and given names like "Smegma" or "Mind Eraser" or "Deathmachine" or "That thing over there". People love to ride them, for the simple reason that prostitution was made illegal. They tend to generate long lines and vomit.
"The Mind Eraser is my favorite roller coaster"

~ Paul Ruben on a roller coaster
by kodiac1 July 8, 2006
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terrorism

Trrorism is a common mispelling of errorism. If you misspeel this werd, you're a terrorist so fuck you.

Terrorism is a branch of marketing. Unlike other dishonest marketers who sell you ugly cookies loaded with dangerous trans fats or homes that are on BTK serial killer's regular visiting list, terrorists sell you undiluted terror without frills.

The promoters of tarriorism were small mom and dad popcorn retailers. These poor business people used up their retirement funds to build large and beautiful popcorn eating halls hoping to make their money back. However, none of these popcorn eating halls were any useful. People just did not show up.

One day, an angry mom killed some unthankful non-customers in her own semi-deserted popcorn hall. The killing, witnessed by some innocent passer-by school children, was soon popularized in town. In a couple of hours, people gathered in front of the popcorn hall demanding to see more pay per view killings. That angry mom sold each of them a bag of hot and tasty popcorn, and killed someone in the hall once the popcorn eating seats were all occupied.

And the rest is history.
“Terrorism is best consumed with butter and your girlfriend

~ Oscar Wilde on Popcorn
by Kodiac1 July 3, 2006
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Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison (1820-1955) was best known as a humorist and secretly wrote material for Mark Twain and David Letterman. In his spare time he worked in the Patent Office and ghost-wrote Albert Einstein's relativity papers. It has been alleged that he inherited a method for sexing bees from his mother, Mother Teresa, although the evidence points to him having developed it himself in the early 1700s. In 1877, journeyed with his youthful "ward" Henry Ford to Mars, landing outside The Fabled City of Z'la and encountering the High Martians. During the next 12 years, he reched a period of maximum creativity, in which he invented the black people, the Spinning Rectangle, and Snow Cones. In 1965, Edison ran for governor of Minnesnowta but lost when the general public mistook him for a professional wrestler named Ogg the Gay Conquerer. Collaborated with TimeCube to debunk Albert Newton. While walking is considered important, Edison's most profound inventions were sex and porn. Porn is the top suspect responsible for the Internet Crash of 1864.

Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:

* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb

It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
“A man who never reached puberty.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Thomas Edison
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
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Brad Pitt

"B.R.A.D P.I.T.T" was the codename given to one of the A merican Government's cyborgs that they used to infiltrate hollywood. They used them to target members of the acting community who posed a threat to their empire, or who appeared to inspire too much conflict in the American Population, regarding their laws and rule.

"Bionic Robot Aiming for Directors, Picking out Individuals and Terminating Them" was designed to dispose of anybody in the media who posed a threat to the US governemnt

Not to be confused with the T.O.M.C.R.U.I.S.E a cyborg from the United States Tourism Board that was the result of sponsored research conducted by the famous Palo Alto (from the Hopi Indian words for White and High) research facility into the effects of wood alcohol on congnitive functioning in mid level project managers.

Needless to say that after 13.25 months and $15 Billion in Defense department funding the prototype was found to be redundant due to the unrecognized flaw in the Project Managers strategy, that is the collapse of the Evil Empire...

Tiresome Ovid Machine Construct Rarely Used In Side Europe
Say "HI" to Brad Pitt!
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
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