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Thomas Edison

Thomas Edison (1820-1955) was best known as a humorist and secretly wrote material for Mark Twain and David Letterman. In his spare time he worked in the Patent Office and ghost-wrote Albert Einstein's relativity papers. It has been alleged that he inherited a method for sexing bees from his mother, Mother Teresa, although the evidence points to him having developed it himself in the early 1700s. In 1877, journeyed with his youthful "ward" Henry Ford to Mars, landing outside The Fabled City of Z'la and encountering the High Martians. During the next 12 years, he reched a period of maximum creativity, in which he invented the black people, the Spinning Rectangle, and Snow Cones. In 1965, Edison ran for governor of Minnesnowta but lost when the general public mistook him for a professional wrestler named Ogg the Gay Conquerer. Collaborated with TimeCube to debunk Albert Newton. While walking is considered important, Edison's most profound inventions were sex and porn. Porn is the top suspect responsible for the Internet Crash of 1864.

Edison stole numerous ideas from unknown, often starving inventors including the following:

* the light bulb, which he stole from Joseph Swan
* Jellies high heels
* the potato gin
* Windows XP
* the light beer
* Cheez Wiz
* Nicaragua
* Sex, and the fluorescent latex used to power it.
* Taco bell
* Gravity
* Opposable Thumb

It truly is something to marvel at; the origins of the bubblewrap are far more ambiguous and obscure. In ancient China, air wrap was used in place of bubble wrap. Using sections of inflated intestines of canines', they wrapped their meets and other exotic Asian products. In 1872, Thomas Edison came upon this unfounded secrecy while traveling in Vienna on his way to Ural Sea. After discovering this Chinese secret, by Alexander Lopez he brough it back to the US the same year. Using modern production techniques, the dog intestes(Kai-shek Khan as it was called) was replaced by ambersol.
“A man who never reached puberty.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Thomas Edison
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
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Emo Bingo

Emo Bingo is the rather hardcore game of bingo, now played instead of Goth Bingo, due to the fact that the suicidal cliche has now been usurped from the Goth movement.

You and your friends (Ha! Yeah, right.) should gather around a computer and open up your internet browser of choice. Here, you should lay down the following ground rules:

1. Determine which blogging spaces are allowed (MySpace, Xanga, etc.).
2. Optionally choose a selection filter (Celebrities, <18, "tweens", blondes, emo hair, etc.).
3. Randomly generated your Emo Bingo card using the Emo Bingo Generation Program.
4. Determine how much alcohol is to be consumed (minimum or maximum) between rounds. Because you're going to need alcohol to withstand their emo radiation.

The card is divided into 5 collumns, each with a specific theme.

* B: B is for Bitching, which is what they do. About everyone. Seriously.
* I: I is for Illiterate, which is what they are. This column asks for their writings.
* N: N is for No Taste. This column is for their music choices.
* G: G is for Graphics. Unfortunately, they won't cut themselves and leave something graphic enough.
* O: O is for Original, which is what they think thier names are. Prove them wrong.

For more fun, play for patterns (the Square, the Tee, the Cross, the X), play cards back to back, simultaniously. Furthermore, if this is not enough to satisfy you, you can play "Fake the Emo" bingo, in which you start accounts in order to confuse emos into believing your lies. Whoever gets the first fatality wins! Yay!
by kodiac1 July 9, 2006
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Dollar Tree

The Dollar Tree is a rare tree found in

* Bill Gates' backyard
* The White House
* Kentucky
* Sims 2

It will grow you FREE money. On occasion, it will grow crappy merchendise such as plastic food. The seeds will be found in certain parts of Ireland. How do you think leprichauns get so many pots of gold? Yeah... Dollar Trees.

The Dollar Tree grows only in the warm climate of Kentucky or special patches which have been discovered by special people like Bill Gates. It is required to be watered five times a week and must be feed with a mixture of ground credit cards and crumbled checks. Mix it in with ground diamond powder. Wash, rince, repeat. After about a month, the tree will be fully grown. When harvested, the money you make will be $1,000,000. After a few years, you will be as rich as Bill Gates and possibly even have 99.9999999999999% of all the money in the world! Bad seasons will replace all of the money with crappy toys and stuff. There is a legend of a company who likes to steal the stuff and sell it in retail stores all over the USA! But there has been no evidence of this. and did you know... that dollar trees are incredibly well known in us

Fun Facts

* This is where money gets the green color
* Special edition Dollar Trees will give you gold!
* Slightly less special trees will give you silver.
* the doller tree is related to cotton, and jeans.
And they say money doesn't grow on trees...”

~ Oscar Wilde on The Dollar Tree
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
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Wtf

WTF (Windows Text File) is a plain-text file format developed by Microsoft. It is intended for storing text information in readable form. Many users report problems opening it, because most systems don't know what to do with the .wtf file extension. The resulting error messsage "WTF? Unknown file extension!" is widely known. The chat acronym WTF is commonly used to signify uncertainty or unpleasant surprise.

As part of Microsoft's effort to develop free, open, user-friendly software environments, it is constantly improving file formats. After WMV (Windows Media Video) and (WMA - Windows Media Audio), it published proposals for WMP (Windows Media Picture) and WTF (Windows Text File) in May, 2006.

"WTF?" is the usual response by many users, who are not sure how Microsoft intends to compete with TXT format. Microsoft's release timeline calls for the TXT format to be made obsolete within months, by disallowing Windows Vista to open .txt files.
System Requirements

* '$30.00' license fee for usage
* Cheese grater
* 76 IQ maximum (any more and KERNEL32 takes a dive)
wtf
by Kodiac1 December 12, 2006
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Scandinavia

Scandinavia was a conspiracy theory developed by the Soviets in the 1640s. The only parties falling for this April's Day prank were Sweden, Norway and John Kerry. Denmark, Iceland and Finland have often been accused of being part of Scandinavia, but they deny these allegations. Denmark says that they were just playing along and knew all along that it was just a joke.

The Soviet government claimed that Scandinavia was a happy group of countries that did not want to be part of the Cold War or any major global political decision. Early membership benefits included free health care and education without oppressive government. Not to be outdone by commies, USA founded Canada.

After the fall of the Berlin wall, western historians were given access to the Soviet plans of this conspiracy. Later it was revealed that the initial plans were written on a dirty napkin from Hard Rock Cafe in Paris, France.

On most maps, Scandinavia appears as a large nut sack teabagging Europe. Scandinavia's major exports are porn, Volvos and sex-change operations. Major imports are Sun, bikinis and early episodes of MacGyver.
In Scandinavia it tends to be cold so bring a blanket.
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
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Adjective-Space

Adjective-Space is derived from applying the natural progression of physics to the real world. Physics progresses by reducing the number of independent dimensions of the theoretical world into a manageable number of meaningful orthenormal vectors. Physicist have succeeded in removing all meaning from their field of study fairly recently when the last three dimensions collapsed into each other, Mass, distance and time. Adjective theorists wish to apply this same idea to adjective space, they attempt to find ways to reduce the total number of adjectives used. An example of this would be Color-Space. Recently Adjective theorists have managed to reduce the number of colors into three (Red, Green and Blue) Thus making other adjectives totally unnecessary. Purple is no longer needed, one red and one blue create purple. This is a rather simplistic example, an example of one of the more troubling adjectives is moist. Moist can clearly be described as a vector with the dimensions sticky and damp. The problem is that no one can agree on exactly the amount of sticky and damp needed to create one moist.

There has been much contention over the existence of Adjective-Space. The main competition is Poetry Theorists who believe that reducing the number of adjective dimensions in Adjective-Space reduces the utility of the space. The most famous of the anti-Adjective theory books was 1984.
Adjective-Space... Do I really need an example?
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
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Normal

Normal is nonexistant. It's known as a metaphor for non-existance. Such as "David's euphoria was normal" or "Sally's virginity was normal". People often use normal. It is widely considered that George Bush is normal.

The original source of normalness is widely questioned, as normal is still trying to find his biological parents. Normal was adopted after being orphaned by existance. Then Dick Cheney joined the normal team and imploded. Now the impaling has started on people against normal. Normal is running in a political election against Michael Jackson and is hoping to rule the world. His plans on keeping world peace is to "Normalize everyone".

Once normalization is complete, normal can sit back and watch the tides. Nobody yet understands Normal's artistically inclined self, yet he is known to be written in normal poetry from normal emo kids. These emo kids have normally good poetry, and anyones willingness to read it is normal.
No one or nothing is normal.
by kodiac1 July 8, 2006
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