Kodiac1's definitions
WTF (Windows Text File) is a plain-text file format developed by Microsoft. It is intended for storing text information in readable form. Many users report problems opening it, because most systems don't know what to do with the .wtf file extension. The resulting error messsage "WTF? Unknown file extension!" is widely known. The chat acronym WTF is commonly used to signify uncertainty or unpleasant surprise.
As part of Microsoft's effort to develop free, open, user-friendly software environments, it is constantly improving file formats. After WMV (Windows Media Video) and (WMA - Windows Media Audio), it published proposals for WMP (Windows Media Picture) and WTF (Windows Text File) in May, 2006.
"WTF?" is the usual response by many users, who are not sure how Microsoft intends to compete with TXT format. Microsoft's release timeline calls for the TXT format to be made obsolete within months, by disallowing Windows Vista to open .txt files.
As part of Microsoft's effort to develop free, open, user-friendly software environments, it is constantly improving file formats. After WMV (Windows Media Video) and (WMA - Windows Media Audio), it published proposals for WMP (Windows Media Picture) and WTF (Windows Text File) in May, 2006.
"WTF?" is the usual response by many users, who are not sure how Microsoft intends to compete with TXT format. Microsoft's release timeline calls for the TXT format to be made obsolete within months, by disallowing Windows Vista to open .txt files.
System Requirements
* '$30.00' license fee for usage
* Cheese grater
* 76 IQ maximum (any more and KERNEL32 takes a dive)
wtf
* '$30.00' license fee for usage
* Cheese grater
* 76 IQ maximum (any more and KERNEL32 takes a dive)
wtf
by Kodiac1 December 12, 2006
Get the Wtfmug. New is a synthetic material and it was originally developed as a rubber replacement. But it is nowadays used everywhere from igloos to spandex pants and it has mostly replaced old. The first new factories were located in Jersey. Later there were so much new production there that people called it humorously New Jersey. Nowadays there is a movement lead by Ashton Kutcher against using new because large corporations are accused of using child labour in the production of new. If you have a lot of otherwise useless old you can polish it with new.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
New is manufactured and sold all over the world, but it can sometimes be rather expensive. In that case old can be a good substitute of new. If you are really handy you can make new yourself.
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Get the newmug. By pure definition, a roller coaster is anything that may seem rebellious or appear dangerous when in fact, it's perfectly safe for family fun as long as you're over the height for 48 inches. Using this definition, it can be determined that Linkin Park is the typical example of a roller coaster.
Society's definition of the roller coaster is that it is a form of mass-transit system for small- and medium-sized cities. In principle, it is similar to a bus or monorail, in that passengers pay a small fee to board and be transported elsewhere. With roller coasters, however, passengers are also sent through double-backwards corkscrews, 85-degree death drops, underground tunnel plunges, and triple-twistback loop-the-loops, often at speeds of over 100 miles an hour and with G-forces approaching space shuttle launch (or crash) levels. Many cities are reconsidering the installation of coasters, due to the number of heart attacks, pregnant woman injuries, and scalding-hot-coffee-spill disfigurations, but they're just pussing out.
Roller coasters are also located in theme parks like Disneyland, Six Flags over Somewhere Really Flat and Boring, Fantazyland, Disneyland 2, Duff Gardens, Vekomaland, and Grue Park. The majority of them are made out of steel, and given names like "Smegma" or "Mind Eraser" or "Deathmachine" or "That thing over there". People love to ride them, for the simple reason that prostitution was made illegal. They tend to generate long lines and vomit.
Society's definition of the roller coaster is that it is a form of mass-transit system for small- and medium-sized cities. In principle, it is similar to a bus or monorail, in that passengers pay a small fee to board and be transported elsewhere. With roller coasters, however, passengers are also sent through double-backwards corkscrews, 85-degree death drops, underground tunnel plunges, and triple-twistback loop-the-loops, often at speeds of over 100 miles an hour and with G-forces approaching space shuttle launch (or crash) levels. Many cities are reconsidering the installation of coasters, due to the number of heart attacks, pregnant woman injuries, and scalding-hot-coffee-spill disfigurations, but they're just pussing out.
Roller coasters are also located in theme parks like Disneyland, Six Flags over Somewhere Really Flat and Boring, Fantazyland, Disneyland 2, Duff Gardens, Vekomaland, and Grue Park. The majority of them are made out of steel, and given names like "Smegma" or "Mind Eraser" or "Deathmachine" or "That thing over there". People love to ride them, for the simple reason that prostitution was made illegal. They tend to generate long lines and vomit.
by kodiac1 July 8, 2006
Get the Roller coastermug. Scandinavia was a conspiracy theory developed by the Soviets in the 1640s. The only parties falling for this April's Day prank were Sweden, Norway and John Kerry. Denmark, Iceland and Finland have often been accused of being part of Scandinavia, but they deny these allegations. Denmark says that they were just playing along and knew all along that it was just a joke.
The Soviet government claimed that Scandinavia was a happy group of countries that did not want to be part of the Cold War or any major global political decision. Early membership benefits included free health care and education without oppressive government. Not to be outdone by commies, USA founded Canada.
After the fall of the Berlin wall, western historians were given access to the Soviet plans of this conspiracy. Later it was revealed that the initial plans were written on a dirty napkin from Hard Rock Cafe in Paris, France.
On most maps, Scandinavia appears as a large nut sack teabagging Europe. Scandinavia's major exports are porn, Volvos and sex-change operations. Major imports are Sun, bikinis and early episodes of MacGyver.
The Soviet government claimed that Scandinavia was a happy group of countries that did not want to be part of the Cold War or any major global political decision. Early membership benefits included free health care and education without oppressive government. Not to be outdone by commies, USA founded Canada.
After the fall of the Berlin wall, western historians were given access to the Soviet plans of this conspiracy. Later it was revealed that the initial plans were written on a dirty napkin from Hard Rock Cafe in Paris, France.
On most maps, Scandinavia appears as a large nut sack teabagging Europe. Scandinavia's major exports are porn, Volvos and sex-change operations. Major imports are Sun, bikinis and early episodes of MacGyver.
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Scandinaviamug. The phrase Blue Screen of Death has its origins in the maritime trade, particularly buccaneer lore of the sixteenth century. When a ship is sunk, all that is left is the morbidly still ocean, glistening bright blue in the Caribbean sun. Thus, when one heads out to sea, with the intention of meeting another boat, and all one sees is the rolling blue ocean, one can sadly assume that that boat has sunk.
The phrase became absorbed into common language as a term referring to the feeling of empty hopelessness one experiences when faced with a vast expanse of watery oblivion. Staring out into Lake Windermere, the great poet William Bleak was sufficiently moved by the still blueness that he wrote his masterpiece "Songs of Death", eventually going on to kick-start the goth movement.
With the advent of air travel in the twentieth century, it became applicable to the sky, as well as the sea: many an early airman was deemed lost to the Blue Screen of Death (although quite a few of them simply turned out to have gotten slightly lost and landed in the wrong place). Over time the Blue Screen has become synonymous with loss, emptiness and to some, the Devil.
The association of the colour blue with death, watery or otherwise, is readily visible throughout modern civilisation. Household cleaners such as bleach are packaged in blue bottles, in memory of those who, when the product was new to the market, mistook it for cheap ouzo and passed away through dissolution of the digestive tract. When one sings "The Blues" one is reflecting on the brevity of life, and the oblivion that awaits in death. Cheese and onion crisps, known to be the foulest of all snack foods, often come packaged in blue to ward off the purchaser.
With this in mind, that the "Blue Screen of Death" is the most chilling and deadly entity in computer science is no surprise. They have been plaguing computer operators since someone had the bright idea of connecting a screen to a computer. This is one of the most puzzling phenomina in computing since during the 60's, 70's and 80's the Blue Screen of Death was able to manifest itself in full blueness on green and amber monochrome cathode, black and white, and two tone LCD screens
The Blue Screen of Death was slipped into the very core of the Windows operating system at its inception, by a malicious developer with a sick interest in pagan rites. It is rumoured that when one sees the Blue Screen of Death on a computer screen it wrenches a tiny part of your soul and binds it to the afflicted machine. Repeated exposure, legend has it, will eventually drain one's spirit, leaving a living corpse, pale and restless, existing without purpose and an unquenchable thirst for caffeine.
A recent evolution of the "Blue Screen of Death" feature in Windows Vista has serious side effects. Instead of simply displaying a "blue screen", the new variant displays random flashing colors in a superhypnobrainwave pattern, causing the user to have a seizure and die within 195 hours of continuous seizure. The seizures are extremely painful for the 195 hours, then the seizure-ee suddenly feels a jabbing pain in their lower upper thigh and dies. 96.3141592% of these seizures last for the full 195 hours. The colors of the screen randomly flash between red, green and blue and actually cause death, so this variant of the "Blue Screen" should instead be called an epileptic screen of red, green and blue death, but Microsoft have decided to make the feature part of their new family of software - creating "Windows Live Screen of Death Beta".
The blue screen of death has had many social consequences. The Catholic Church has condemmed the blue screen of death for promoting a "culture of death". Instead, the church favors the "Ooops" kernel messages generated by linux. The phrase "Ooops" is a sacred part of Roman Catholic tradition, as it is the sound an Irish women makes when she realizes that the rythem method of birth control doesn't work.
A recent study conducted by an up and coming university Massachusetts Institute of Technology, located in Chicago, has managed to determine the Blue Screen of Death as cause of other incidents. It was an extensive study, conducted for over 30 years by a group of under-fed under-grad students.
Incidents: broken computer equipment; violent crime and suicide increase; loss of data and home made movies; wet floor and terrified expression on the face of a person that used the computer last; mysterious deaths of occupants in high-tech residences; increase in drugs abuse; and many more.
It is also possible to see a yellow screen of death, if you are colour-blind. While the BSOD has been known to cause many many heartattacks, it has also been known to cause coniptions as well as the ability to gain super human strength and shoot eye beams into your computer monitor. Please, do not have a heart attack if it happens to you.
The phrase became absorbed into common language as a term referring to the feeling of empty hopelessness one experiences when faced with a vast expanse of watery oblivion. Staring out into Lake Windermere, the great poet William Bleak was sufficiently moved by the still blueness that he wrote his masterpiece "Songs of Death", eventually going on to kick-start the goth movement.
With the advent of air travel in the twentieth century, it became applicable to the sky, as well as the sea: many an early airman was deemed lost to the Blue Screen of Death (although quite a few of them simply turned out to have gotten slightly lost and landed in the wrong place). Over time the Blue Screen has become synonymous with loss, emptiness and to some, the Devil.
The association of the colour blue with death, watery or otherwise, is readily visible throughout modern civilisation. Household cleaners such as bleach are packaged in blue bottles, in memory of those who, when the product was new to the market, mistook it for cheap ouzo and passed away through dissolution of the digestive tract. When one sings "The Blues" one is reflecting on the brevity of life, and the oblivion that awaits in death. Cheese and onion crisps, known to be the foulest of all snack foods, often come packaged in blue to ward off the purchaser.
With this in mind, that the "Blue Screen of Death" is the most chilling and deadly entity in computer science is no surprise. They have been plaguing computer operators since someone had the bright idea of connecting a screen to a computer. This is one of the most puzzling phenomina in computing since during the 60's, 70's and 80's the Blue Screen of Death was able to manifest itself in full blueness on green and amber monochrome cathode, black and white, and two tone LCD screens
The Blue Screen of Death was slipped into the very core of the Windows operating system at its inception, by a malicious developer with a sick interest in pagan rites. It is rumoured that when one sees the Blue Screen of Death on a computer screen it wrenches a tiny part of your soul and binds it to the afflicted machine. Repeated exposure, legend has it, will eventually drain one's spirit, leaving a living corpse, pale and restless, existing without purpose and an unquenchable thirst for caffeine.
A recent evolution of the "Blue Screen of Death" feature in Windows Vista has serious side effects. Instead of simply displaying a "blue screen", the new variant displays random flashing colors in a superhypnobrainwave pattern, causing the user to have a seizure and die within 195 hours of continuous seizure. The seizures are extremely painful for the 195 hours, then the seizure-ee suddenly feels a jabbing pain in their lower upper thigh and dies. 96.3141592% of these seizures last for the full 195 hours. The colors of the screen randomly flash between red, green and blue and actually cause death, so this variant of the "Blue Screen" should instead be called an epileptic screen of red, green and blue death, but Microsoft have decided to make the feature part of their new family of software - creating "Windows Live Screen of Death Beta".
The blue screen of death has had many social consequences. The Catholic Church has condemmed the blue screen of death for promoting a "culture of death". Instead, the church favors the "Ooops" kernel messages generated by linux. The phrase "Ooops" is a sacred part of Roman Catholic tradition, as it is the sound an Irish women makes when she realizes that the rythem method of birth control doesn't work.
A recent study conducted by an up and coming university Massachusetts Institute of Technology, located in Chicago, has managed to determine the Blue Screen of Death as cause of other incidents. It was an extensive study, conducted for over 30 years by a group of under-fed under-grad students.
Incidents: broken computer equipment; violent crime and suicide increase; loss of data and home made movies; wet floor and terrified expression on the face of a person that used the computer last; mysterious deaths of occupants in high-tech residences; increase in drugs abuse; and many more.
It is also possible to see a yellow screen of death, if you are colour-blind. While the BSOD has been known to cause many many heartattacks, it has also been known to cause coniptions as well as the ability to gain super human strength and shoot eye beams into your computer monitor. Please, do not have a heart attack if it happens to you.
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Blue screen of deathmug. Papercuts are deadly and should be avoided at all times. They are an infamous happening throughout the world, with an increasing occurance rate in Asia. Paper Cuts is a rocking Nirvana song off the Bleach album.
* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts, King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
* March of 1865, Portugal bans paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 - Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet paper rolls at him.
What to do if Papercutted
Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the best you can do.
If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.
1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours
Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.
A Cure
Scientists in the Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.
* The first recorded recorded incident of a paper cut was 1240 AD, when an English monk pulled out a bible too quickly. The Book of Psalms flew out of the book and slid across his arm. "Damneth thine verses; I smiteth thee!" and other various curses were heard throughout the monestary.
* 1492 - Columbus sets out to the Americas. Returns from trip bearing gifts, King Ferdinand is angered when a scroll injures him.
* Ten years later, the King perishes due to internal bleeding after swallowing a secret message.
* March of 1865, Portugal bans paper from the country. Unfortunately, this was impossible, as the paperwork to be signed was sent out of the country.
* 1998 - Wisconsin Elementary student Mark Gifadet perfects his paper airplane design; plans for world domination fail when his teacher is struck through the heart with the plane.
* Late 2005 - Cheney is put through hospitalization after Sharkboy throws toilet paper rolls at him.
What to do if Papercutted
Papercuts happen no matter what you do to avoid them. If you are in the wild or bush and receive a papercut you must immediatly flush the wound with urine and fill the cavity of the cut with leper semen. This with stave off death for half an hour. Hobble off to the nearest stream and ritually wash yourself. It's the best you can do.
If you are in the proper facilities, then follow these instructions to heal yourself.
1. Sit in a comfortable position
2. Wait, sorry. Fetch a ladle and a laser printer
3. Resume your previous position
4. Take apart the printer and mash it to the consistancy of marmelade
5. Using the ladle, apply the printer juice to the area around the wound
6. Let the wound sit for 2-3 hours
Don't forget that it's always better to avoid such accidents than to have to treat them.
A Cure
Scientists in the Ukraine are currently working on a cure for papercuts; so far there has been great progress. Lead scientists across the nation banded together and put their collective efforts to one project. Pills are in the making, and a protective suit prototype is in testing.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Papercutmug. A butter knife is a knife made from butter. As knives go it's pretty good as long as you keep it very cold.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
How to make a butter knife:
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Get the Butter knifemug.