Kodiac1's definitions
Kung Fu is a supernatural defense martial arts system developed in China to ward off attacking ninjas from Japan. It was introduced to America by a mutated Kung Fu Master called Kwai Chang Caine aka Master of Puppets, aka David Carradine. Adepts of Kung Fu learn the highly guarded secret of learning to shoot noodles out of their right nostril and to knock out their opponents without actually coming into physical contact with them as well as other deadly techniques (This included droping Acme fire - crackers in the victims' underpants and gleefully watching them). Kung fu masters usually lose to oponents using The Norwegian Barfighting Method unless they are either drunk, high, or Bruce Lee. Every chinaman is known to be born with perfect Kung Fu skills.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
The first master of Kung Fu was the legendary Zen master Zen, who came from India to China around 600 AD. He left India because he was sick of the lousy curry and desired more shrimp fried rice. He also had a thing for Chinese women. "Me love you long time" in India only meant the women would still be nagging you even in old age. In China it suggested something else entirely. Zen Master Zen, fed up with his sexual repression and the interminable behavior protocols one had to go through with Indian chicks in order to score, found the Chinese scene to be much more appealing. Zen Master Zen's shrimp was much pleased.
So what did he do? After having that dysfunctional experience with Emperor Wu and his insufferable court of eunuchs, he fled to the hills and found a nice cave where he proceeded to sit facing a wall for nine years. One day a young man named Hui Neng Fong Chuck Wy Uu So Fat Et Lon Choi Buck Shrimp Fried Rice approached him. Hui, as we'll call him for short, demanded to be accepted as a student. Zen Master Zen was not interested, as he was too engrossed in determining the future of the wall he was facing and of Kung Fu and associated business possibilities connected to the future and his ability to see into his own future lives. While realizing that a future incarnation of his would be the Green Hornet, and that Kato -- none other than Bruce Lee -- was to be his student, Hui suddenly chopped off his hand and threw it in Zen Master Zen's lap.
"Ah," intoned the Zen master Zen, "you have finally come! All my life I've waited for someone with such dedication!"
"Never mind," grimaced Hui. "Just teach me already before I bleed to death."
Zen Master Zen set about teaching the eager young one-handed Chinese man. He soon was found to be a man of immense natural talent (he knew the acme fire cracker trick by-heart), and Zen Master Zen proceeded to teach him the ancient arts of combat he had learned in India. This combat actually derived from Buddhist monks fighting off persistent mosquitos. In the course of flailing at them, they soon discovered how to hit the bastards most quickly and efficiently. They learned how to make drop kicks, roundhouse kicks, side kicks, chow mein, wraps, sweet and sour chicken, cream of Sum Yung Guy soup, shrimp fried rice and so on.
Hui Neng carried on the torch of his old master, reincarnating 1,400 years later as Uma Thurman to kill Bill. Bill Zen Master Zen, that is.
"Kung fu is like flower, in it I win"
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
~ Oscar Wilde on Kung Fu
"I am starting to learn my strength back"
~ Kung Fu on Oscar Wilde
by kodiac1 July 8, 2006
Get the Kung Fu mug.It has been known that rogue states but also companies and universities put restrictions to the Internet usage. These restrictions are so aggressive and perverse that the Internet experience of the end-user is completely compromised.
WebSense comes to the rescue by providing stealth anonymity to the masses, allowing them to browse the Internet without restrictions. Due to this, WebSense is severely unpopular in specific non-secural countries; merely having WebSense software installed on your computer may land you in jail for two years.
WebSense offers anonymous secure proxy servers that end-users can connect to. Once such a server is blocked, WebSense activates a new one and informs the users through encrypted e-mail to switch to it.
There is currently work carried out to integrate WebSense with the Onion Routing project in order to offer protection against traffic analysis.
WebSense is resilient to differential analysis attacks thanks to patented technologies being employed.
WebSense comes to the rescue by providing stealth anonymity to the masses, allowing them to browse the Internet without restrictions. Due to this, WebSense is severely unpopular in specific non-secural countries; merely having WebSense software installed on your computer may land you in jail for two years.
WebSense offers anonymous secure proxy servers that end-users can connect to. Once such a server is blocked, WebSense activates a new one and informs the users through encrypted e-mail to switch to it.
There is currently work carried out to integrate WebSense with the Onion Routing project in order to offer protection against traffic analysis.
WebSense is resilient to differential analysis attacks thanks to patented technologies being employed.
by kodiac1 July 9, 2006
Get the WebSense mug.Warren Buffet, generally acknowledged as the second richest man in the United States Of America, (after Ryan Seacrest), is the inventor of the all-you-can-eat restaurant concept. Back in the old days--before 1942--this was unheard of, but Buffet perservered through thick and thin and perfected the idea. Today, many restaurants actually use his name when referring to their unlimited offerings.
Buffet thought of the idea while touring India and seeing starving people. "What would make these folks feel really, really bad?" he pondered. The solution was letting them know that people in America can sit down and eat themselves to death anytime they want. "That'll put them Injuns in their place," Buffet stated, not realizing that Indians in India aren't the same ones that go "Woo-Woo" and live in teepees.
a bell and having a servant come over. After he graduated from boarding school and college, he was shocked that the world didn't actually work this way. He joined with his friend and lover Oscar Wilde and deciding to do something about ridding the world of poverty and hunger.
His plan was to simply kill off all the poor and hungry people. Fortunately for them, Buffet checked with his family attorney who advised him against it. "What a terrible police state we live in," Buffet was heard to say when he was told he couldn't simply get rid of lazy, poor, or otherwise useless people.
The Discovery of All You Can Eat
In 1955, Buffet has an epiphany. After he went to the doctor and got that fixed, he started working full-time on his "all you can eat" concept. The idea was simple: charge people a fixed price in advance then sit them down in a huge room with steam tables full of barely-good-enough food.
To make it more profitable, Buffet made the more inexpensive food of better quality than the more expensive offerings, to discourage people from eating too much shrimp and lobster.
Richest Man in the World
Today, every time someone eats in an eponymous "buffet", Warren Buffet makes $0.25. This has made them the richest man in the world. His company, Berkshire Crapaway, has a stock price per share of over US $1Million, making it the most expensive stock on the American Exchange. Buffet personally holds 55% of Berkshire Crapaway's stock.
Buffet thought of the idea while touring India and seeing starving people. "What would make these folks feel really, really bad?" he pondered. The solution was letting them know that people in America can sit down and eat themselves to death anytime they want. "That'll put them Injuns in their place," Buffet stated, not realizing that Indians in India aren't the same ones that go "Woo-Woo" and live in teepees.
a bell and having a servant come over. After he graduated from boarding school and college, he was shocked that the world didn't actually work this way. He joined with his friend and lover Oscar Wilde and deciding to do something about ridding the world of poverty and hunger.
His plan was to simply kill off all the poor and hungry people. Fortunately for them, Buffet checked with his family attorney who advised him against it. "What a terrible police state we live in," Buffet was heard to say when he was told he couldn't simply get rid of lazy, poor, or otherwise useless people.
The Discovery of All You Can Eat
In 1955, Buffet has an epiphany. After he went to the doctor and got that fixed, he started working full-time on his "all you can eat" concept. The idea was simple: charge people a fixed price in advance then sit them down in a huge room with steam tables full of barely-good-enough food.
To make it more profitable, Buffet made the more inexpensive food of better quality than the more expensive offerings, to discourage people from eating too much shrimp and lobster.
Richest Man in the World
Today, every time someone eats in an eponymous "buffet", Warren Buffet makes $0.25. This has made them the richest man in the world. His company, Berkshire Crapaway, has a stock price per share of over US $1Million, making it the most expensive stock on the American Exchange. Buffet personally holds 55% of Berkshire Crapaway's stock.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Warren Buffet mug.A butter knife is a knife made from butter. As knives go it's pretty good as long as you keep it very cold.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
Waaaay back before the Bronze Age, there is no evidence of butter implements being used. However, we are sure that the cavemen used butter knives of a rudimentary design. Unfortunately for archaeologists, global warming of the earth over the past few thousand years has caused all ancient butter knives to melt. All that is left are a few knife-shaped grease stains. I wish people would stop warming thier bloody globals, it's causing untold damage.
We do know that the Neanderthals used butter spears to kill their prey, and butter arrows and quivers were used in the middle ages. Evidence for this has been found in the European Butter Mountains.
How to make a butter knife:
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
Take some fresh dairy butter and sharpen the butter until razor sharp. Keep in the fridge.
by kodiac1 July 4, 2006
Get the Butter knife mug.Discreet mathematics refers to the subtle study of mathematics. Discreet mathematics is characterised by furtive looks in maths textbooks disguised as pr0n and by secret maths lectures held in abandoned warehouses at midnight.
The origins of discreet mathematics can be traced to the 19th century, where young women interested in the mathematical and scientific subjects were unable to openly pursue such studies. Instead, they disguised their math textbooks as lifestyle magazines, and talked about mathematics in a secret code, called Polari.
This became unnecessary due to the total abolition of any form of sexism at all in 1964 by the Ghost of President Kennedy.
The origins of discreet mathematics can be traced to the 19th century, where young women interested in the mathematical and scientific subjects were unable to openly pursue such studies. Instead, they disguised their math textbooks as lifestyle magazines, and talked about mathematics in a secret code, called Polari.
This became unnecessary due to the total abolition of any form of sexism at all in 1964 by the Ghost of President Kennedy.
by kodiac1 July 3, 2006
Get the Discreet mathematics mug.Bah! Doom is here to prove that Athens, early Rome, and all three George W.'s (George Washington, George W Bush, and his father) all had their heads on backwards and their eyes twirled toward non-existant gophers.
1st Fundemental Flaw: People Are Like Monkeys: they're bananas.
Minor Elections
1. Exactly 5 people in any given general election know who any candidates are other than the presidential candidates.
2. Those five people know who other candidates are because they are physically unable to stop watching television, and thus cannot rise and vote anyway.
3. And nobody else cares about local politics.
4. Yet local elections still take a fair turnout. Why? Imagine you walk into a room expecting to eat a hot dog. And so you do. But after eating the hot dog, you turn to find the door locked. You look around and find the room completely white, and so unremarkable that you immediately collapse into explosive boredom, prepared to go insane from sensory deprivation. But wait. There is something you can do. Somebody has left you two check boxes and a pencil. Could be fun to check one of them. OOh! That was fun! Let's do it again! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check!
And that's all the thought that goes into voting for a minor office.
1. Now that we're in a childish fantasy world of escaping madness by checking boxes, let's look at the things in the boxes. There are two methods: pick your favorite color, or go with the funniest sounding words. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather vote for Aquamarine Freznit Kerblinkipot!!!! than Bill Gray...
Major Elections
1. A person's choice in a major election is determined solely by:
whether the person prefers eating deer, or petting deer. or "I'll change my opinion if either of you offers me a cheap Chevy Suburban."
This is vastly different than Doom's preference of hooking cybernetic warmachines and maybe a vampire to a deer.
Flaw #2. Why elections don't matter anyway.
Say Congressman A is elected to represent party B, which opposes party C.
1. Congressman A does all he can to meet the interest of those corporations (and individuals, if you really believe that) that he can in party B.
2. Congressman A can't do too much, because congressman D, who represents party C, has devised a system in which every action Congressman A attempts is, instead of being debated in congress, thrown to the judicial or executive houses, which party C controlls. And thus you might as well have elected congressman D, so something at least can pass.
3. But even if you'd have voted for Mr. D, your vote would have been lost in the shady bowels of a voting machine manufactured by members of party B.
4. And in the event of significant political pressure, Mr. A will be more than happy at any rate to call himself a "moderate" and swing over to party C for moral reasons.
The Amazing, Spectacular Alternative of Dictatorship!
1. So you don't care who gets elected locally? Neither does Doom! Anybody can represent my explicit, iron will when I threaten their life!
2. Your political inclination may be shallowly motivated, but Doom has all sorts of good reasons why I should rule every aspect of your lives! And mine is the opinion that counts!
3. No congressmen will waste time bickering when Doom gives an order! You'll build that giant statue of me on your house's roof, or I'm injecting flesh eating robots under your skin, locking you inside your house, burning it down, and then building a statue of me on your roof. See, no tricky political loopholes there!
4. Political appearance. Imagine your average political debate on TV or your average senate meeting or what have you. Nothing but old people in suits arguing with each other. Now imagine Doom there. Doom is wearing high tech power armor and a cape, ranting in third person, and shooting lasers at whoever dares to disagree with the majesty that is Doom. Doesn't that make for more entertaining politics?
But wait, there's more!
Why settle for mere Dictatorship when you can get a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator for the same price, that is, your total and unwavering obediance!
"But what's so good about a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator?" you ask?
What's good is that if you question my authority again, nobody will ever find your body! But let me show you what's good:
1. Tired of having to make all those icky and hard decisions? Never again when Doom applies his special remedy, a mandatory nationwide 30 year draft of children 6 years old and up! Never will you have to make a desicion because when you serve in the Doom army, thinking is a death penalty, and we know, oh we know.
2. A thief in your house? Stole all your valubles? Worry no more, crimes like these will be no more when Doom takes away all your property and possessions and puts them under control of the government, and if someone did steal from you, you'd best not complain because then we'll know, and if we know, you know no more.
3. Tired of waking up to the sound of protest? Just want to kill those stupid, filthy, disgusting hippies? Worry no more, a nationwide death penalty against Liberalism will cure those pro-"free thinking" douchebags.
4. Never worry about abortion any more. Obviously, a woman who needs an abortion is a whore. If she wants her fetus killed, the government will assist her by executing her and then the baby will die with her. Either that or we'll turn them both into killer cyborgs and wipe their minds clean so they won't remember their past.
5. Education, everyone will get a free education equally. Everyone is subject to brainwashing and mind wiping before they become a killer cyborg in our military. Since we draft everyone from age six and up, they all get a free education in our military.
6. Religion, no doubts about it, everyone will have religion as everyone must worship Dr. Doom as a god. When you are brainwashed and mind wiped, you will be programmed to worship Dr. Doom anyway. Are you a die-hard militant Atheist? It does not matter as you will be converted to Doomism anyway whether you like it or not, and you will be programmed to like it.
1st Fundemental Flaw: People Are Like Monkeys: they're bananas.
Minor Elections
1. Exactly 5 people in any given general election know who any candidates are other than the presidential candidates.
2. Those five people know who other candidates are because they are physically unable to stop watching television, and thus cannot rise and vote anyway.
3. And nobody else cares about local politics.
4. Yet local elections still take a fair turnout. Why? Imagine you walk into a room expecting to eat a hot dog. And so you do. But after eating the hot dog, you turn to find the door locked. You look around and find the room completely white, and so unremarkable that you immediately collapse into explosive boredom, prepared to go insane from sensory deprivation. But wait. There is something you can do. Somebody has left you two check boxes and a pencil. Could be fun to check one of them. OOh! That was fun! Let's do it again! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check! Check!
And that's all the thought that goes into voting for a minor office.
1. Now that we're in a childish fantasy world of escaping madness by checking boxes, let's look at the things in the boxes. There are two methods: pick your favorite color, or go with the funniest sounding words. Think about it. Wouldn't you rather vote for Aquamarine Freznit Kerblinkipot!!!! than Bill Gray...
Major Elections
1. A person's choice in a major election is determined solely by:
whether the person prefers eating deer, or petting deer. or "I'll change my opinion if either of you offers me a cheap Chevy Suburban."
This is vastly different than Doom's preference of hooking cybernetic warmachines and maybe a vampire to a deer.
Flaw #2. Why elections don't matter anyway.
Say Congressman A is elected to represent party B, which opposes party C.
1. Congressman A does all he can to meet the interest of those corporations (and individuals, if you really believe that) that he can in party B.
2. Congressman A can't do too much, because congressman D, who represents party C, has devised a system in which every action Congressman A attempts is, instead of being debated in congress, thrown to the judicial or executive houses, which party C controlls. And thus you might as well have elected congressman D, so something at least can pass.
3. But even if you'd have voted for Mr. D, your vote would have been lost in the shady bowels of a voting machine manufactured by members of party B.
4. And in the event of significant political pressure, Mr. A will be more than happy at any rate to call himself a "moderate" and swing over to party C for moral reasons.
The Amazing, Spectacular Alternative of Dictatorship!
1. So you don't care who gets elected locally? Neither does Doom! Anybody can represent my explicit, iron will when I threaten their life!
2. Your political inclination may be shallowly motivated, but Doom has all sorts of good reasons why I should rule every aspect of your lives! And mine is the opinion that counts!
3. No congressmen will waste time bickering when Doom gives an order! You'll build that giant statue of me on your house's roof, or I'm injecting flesh eating robots under your skin, locking you inside your house, burning it down, and then building a statue of me on your roof. See, no tricky political loopholes there!
4. Political appearance. Imagine your average political debate on TV or your average senate meeting or what have you. Nothing but old people in suits arguing with each other. Now imagine Doom there. Doom is wearing high tech power armor and a cape, ranting in third person, and shooting lasers at whoever dares to disagree with the majesty that is Doom. Doesn't that make for more entertaining politics?
But wait, there's more!
Why settle for mere Dictatorship when you can get a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator for the same price, that is, your total and unwavering obediance!
"But what's so good about a Totalitarian, Oppressive, Militaristic Regime lead by a Dictator?" you ask?
What's good is that if you question my authority again, nobody will ever find your body! But let me show you what's good:
1. Tired of having to make all those icky and hard decisions? Never again when Doom applies his special remedy, a mandatory nationwide 30 year draft of children 6 years old and up! Never will you have to make a desicion because when you serve in the Doom army, thinking is a death penalty, and we know, oh we know.
2. A thief in your house? Stole all your valubles? Worry no more, crimes like these will be no more when Doom takes away all your property and possessions and puts them under control of the government, and if someone did steal from you, you'd best not complain because then we'll know, and if we know, you know no more.
3. Tired of waking up to the sound of protest? Just want to kill those stupid, filthy, disgusting hippies? Worry no more, a nationwide death penalty against Liberalism will cure those pro-"free thinking" douchebags.
4. Never worry about abortion any more. Obviously, a woman who needs an abortion is a whore. If she wants her fetus killed, the government will assist her by executing her and then the baby will die with her. Either that or we'll turn them both into killer cyborgs and wipe their minds clean so they won't remember their past.
5. Education, everyone will get a free education equally. Everyone is subject to brainwashing and mind wiping before they become a killer cyborg in our military. Since we draft everyone from age six and up, they all get a free education in our military.
6. Religion, no doubts about it, everyone will have religion as everyone must worship Dr. Doom as a god. When you are brainwashed and mind wiped, you will be programmed to worship Dr. Doom anyway. Are you a die-hard militant Atheist? It does not matter as you will be converted to Doomism anyway whether you like it or not, and you will be programmed to like it.
So, in conclusion, Doom is your ROCK 'N' ROLL GANGSTER OVERLORD, AND YOU AIN'T DOIN' NOTHIN' ABOUT IT!
Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy
Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy
by kodiac1 July 5, 2006
Get the Dr. Doom's Proof of Inherent Flaws in Democracy mug.Baby Oil is fat extracted from undeveloped human sources, known as babies.
Like all fats, baby oils are insoluble in water but soluble in cheap vodka.
Oils extracted from minors have been used in many cultures, since ancient times. As an example, a 4000 year old "kitchen" unearthed in Liverpool was found to include an oil press and a large quantity of discarded child-husks. Archeologists believe that the tribes of Ancient Scouse would raise children as a source of cheap fuel.
The uses of baby oils can be divided into three main areas:
* Lubrication
* Fuel
* Threatening Children
Extracting Baby Oil:
* The "traditional" way of extracting baby oil uses several different types of mechanical extraction. This method is preferred by most Eco-Freakies in the USA and in Europe. Cheesegrater extraction is one type, and there are two other types that are both oil presses: the screw press and the ram press. Oil presses are commonly used in developing countries, among people for whom other extraction methods would be prohibitively expensive.
* The "modern" way of acquiring baby oil is by chemical extraction, using solvent extracts, which produces higher yields and is quicker and less messy. The most common solvent is Sunny Delight. This disolves the baby from the inside out, and it is then simple to seperate the oil from the solvent.
Like all fats, baby oils are insoluble in water but soluble in cheap vodka.
Oils extracted from minors have been used in many cultures, since ancient times. As an example, a 4000 year old "kitchen" unearthed in Liverpool was found to include an oil press and a large quantity of discarded child-husks. Archeologists believe that the tribes of Ancient Scouse would raise children as a source of cheap fuel.
The uses of baby oils can be divided into three main areas:
* Lubrication
* Fuel
* Threatening Children
Extracting Baby Oil:
* The "traditional" way of extracting baby oil uses several different types of mechanical extraction. This method is preferred by most Eco-Freakies in the USA and in Europe. Cheesegrater extraction is one type, and there are two other types that are both oil presses: the screw press and the ram press. Oil presses are commonly used in developing countries, among people for whom other extraction methods would be prohibitively expensive.
* The "modern" way of acquiring baby oil is by chemical extraction, using solvent extracts, which produces higher yields and is quicker and less messy. The most common solvent is Sunny Delight. This disolves the baby from the inside out, and it is then simple to seperate the oil from the solvent.
by kodiac1 July 6, 2006
Get the Baby Oil mug.