King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia's definitions
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia September 2, 2005
Get the misfiremug. The most ass outsourcing company in the world. They basically pay you 9 bucks an hour to sit on a phone and be a script monkey while drunk, angry rednecks call to complain that the service sucks because they can't spell their fucking password and/or don't know what a username is. (True story.) Furthermore, half the time, your diagnostic tools are hopelessly broken, and you're forced to "do the best you can." Management is a joke, as most of the time, the managers just hang out in their office or the breakroom, play with numbers, take three-hour lunch breaks, and leave early.
They have health and dental packages, but the coverage sucks shit and gets taken out of your paycheck. They don't give sick days, they give sick HOURS, as if you're supposed to recover from the flu in four hours and get back to work. You can't take the day off if you're sick unless you have PERSONAL VACATION TIME to use up. If you stay home with your sick child, you're reprimanded, and if you do it again, you get fired.
They also have a ridiculously high turnover rate - people usually quit after a month or so - and they're sometimes forced to put uncertified trainees on the call floor with a script and a prayer. This further exacerbates the first problem, as callers seeking help are frustrated with people that honestly don't know what they're doing, which gives them and the company they outsource for a bad image.
If you work the evening shift, your night will basically work like this:
3:30 PM - Come in early to make a good impression on the boss, only to be told that they don't want you in the building more than 15 minutes before your shift, and you are summarily thrown out.
3:45 PM - Come back in and rush for the next 15 minutes and try to find an unoccupied cubicle. Yes, you don't get your own workstation, you have to share one with all the stupid whackbag employees.
4:00 PM - Shift starts. Steady call flow, not too bad.
5:00 PM - Morning shift ends. You get hit with the backlog as there are suddenly too few agents on the floor that know what they're doing and give a shit about the customer.
5:00 PM to 9:30 PM - Trying hopelessly to clear out a massive queue in the call gate.
9:30 PM - Calls finally slow down as customers give up and go to bed.
10:00 PM to 12:00 AM - Boredom sets in. Only a few incoming calls. You see, you're pretty much not allowed to do anything at your desk but twiddle your thumbs when you are available. Oh, wait, that's right, you don't get your own desk.
11:59 PM - Just as you're about to log out for the night, Bubba calls you with some huge, convoluted problem.
12:59 AM - Finally get Bubba off the phone after finding out it's nothing you can help them with anyway, yet they still believe YOU broke their computer and want to cancel their service. As you clock out and head to the door, one of the supervisors bitches you out for spending so long on that last call and staying for an hour of "unapproved overtime."
In short, it's a company bound for the shitter. Stay away, stay away...
They have health and dental packages, but the coverage sucks shit and gets taken out of your paycheck. They don't give sick days, they give sick HOURS, as if you're supposed to recover from the flu in four hours and get back to work. You can't take the day off if you're sick unless you have PERSONAL VACATION TIME to use up. If you stay home with your sick child, you're reprimanded, and if you do it again, you get fired.
They also have a ridiculously high turnover rate - people usually quit after a month or so - and they're sometimes forced to put uncertified trainees on the call floor with a script and a prayer. This further exacerbates the first problem, as callers seeking help are frustrated with people that honestly don't know what they're doing, which gives them and the company they outsource for a bad image.
If you work the evening shift, your night will basically work like this:
3:30 PM - Come in early to make a good impression on the boss, only to be told that they don't want you in the building more than 15 minutes before your shift, and you are summarily thrown out.
3:45 PM - Come back in and rush for the next 15 minutes and try to find an unoccupied cubicle. Yes, you don't get your own workstation, you have to share one with all the stupid whackbag employees.
4:00 PM - Shift starts. Steady call flow, not too bad.
5:00 PM - Morning shift ends. You get hit with the backlog as there are suddenly too few agents on the floor that know what they're doing and give a shit about the customer.
5:00 PM to 9:30 PM - Trying hopelessly to clear out a massive queue in the call gate.
9:30 PM - Calls finally slow down as customers give up and go to bed.
10:00 PM to 12:00 AM - Boredom sets in. Only a few incoming calls. You see, you're pretty much not allowed to do anything at your desk but twiddle your thumbs when you are available. Oh, wait, that's right, you don't get your own desk.
11:59 PM - Just as you're about to log out for the night, Bubba calls you with some huge, convoluted problem.
12:59 AM - Finally get Bubba off the phone after finding out it's nothing you can help them with anyway, yet they still believe YOU broke their computer and want to cancel their service. As you clock out and head to the door, one of the supervisors bitches you out for spending so long on that last call and staying for an hour of "unapproved overtime."
In short, it's a company bound for the shitter. Stay away, stay away...
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia April 26, 2005
Get the Calltechmug. A category for bands who can't sing or play their instruments very well, so they have to play them really loud and fast and scream into the mic, hoping no one will notice.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia April 19, 2005
Get the death metalmug. A filler comic when the guy who draws GU Comics can't put in a real one. Usually has a stick figure saying Poopy.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia April 18, 2005
Get the poopymug. A movie and video game rental company. They supposedly no longer charge late fees for their items - primarily because Netflix is kicking their ass in market share. However, this is misleading, because individual stores are not required to honor that commitment!
I have yet to see one single local Blockbuster that doesn't have a sign reading "we do not participate in the 'No Late Fees' policy as advertised on T.V."
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia March 10, 2007
Get the Blockbustermug. When you play videogames for so long that you piss off your girlfriend. Comes from the MM0G term aggro.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia April 29, 2005
Get the girlfriend aggromug. An inside joke among Bellsouth Dial-Up tech support agents (actually Calltech, who outsource for Bellsouth). Comes from a phony customer listing named "Monkey Butter" which was used much like a message board between the agents. It had a lot of funny posts and lots of HTML. It was eventually deleted when one of the supervisors caught wind of it.
On a related note, another agent created a listing called "Son of Monkey Butter" and was fired in short order for it.
On a related note, another agent created a listing called "Son of Monkey Butter" and was fired in short order for it.
by King Asshat XVIII of Asshatia April 17, 2005
Get the monkeybuttermug.