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Kerb's definitions

beer festival

1. A festival where the promoted theme (eg. a popular brand of beer, folk singing, medieval banquet, striptease, Octoberfest) is blatantly ignored, and large quantities of beer is drunk. And people roll about rat arsed, pissed as a newt, lit up like a christmas tree, and display a range of loud and disorderly behaviour.
I went to the (insert your favourite beer) Beer Fastival and had a great time!
by Kerb November 29, 2004
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tobacco

1. A plant whose leaves are dried, fermented, mixed with hundreds of addictives incvluding freebase nicotine, than rolled (usu. by machine), packed, and retailed in licensed outlet.

2. Plant containing nicotine, a carcinogen. In other words, smoking tobacco can cause cancer and a slow and painful death.

3. A legal drug.
Dodge flicked open the packet and offered a fag.
"Want some tobacco, pardner?"
by Kerb November 29, 2004
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clip joint

A so-called hostess bar, with names like "Pink Pussy House", where a ugly skanky whore stands in the doorway attempting to attract the attention of a mark.

The mark, should he be seduced by "porno film showing" or "live sex right now", is charged £5 entry fee, and is led into the bar.

The bar is a badly decorated room, usually empty, with cheap tables, and reggae music playing in the background. The front girl returns to the front door.

An equally trashy ho waitress brings the mark a menu advertising a pint of beer for £4, glass of champagne for £10, basically drinks at double the local pub prices.

Mark buys pint of beer for £4, but get served a glass of watered down piss.

A large male then presents him with a bill for anything between £100-£500, depending on how rich Mark look.

If the mark haven't the cash on him, a second large male suddenly appear out of nowhere, and the two large men escorts the mark to the nearest cash machine, so that the mark can withdraw the cash.

They may not explicitly threaten violence, but look hard enough so as too discourage Mark not to mess about with them.

There are several in London. After ripped off tourists complain to Westminster Office of Fair Trading, an official accompanied by a vanload of police officers close down the place.

Magically, a few days later, another so-called hostess bar reopens under a new name, run by the same outfit.
Mark entered a clip joint and left with £375 lighter, and with an intense desire to kill one of those filthy hos.
by Kerb November 28, 2004
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easy rider

1. A male who shags every woman. The complementary opposite of a bike.

2. A lesbian with a strap-on, riding a woman.
Cant find love? Go see Roland, the factory's easy rider!
by Kerb November 29, 2004
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somerfield

A convenience store, especially in twee Home County villages, such as Lindfield, that thinks its a haute cuisine delicatessen.
One can buy duck pate at Somerfield.
by Kerb November 27, 2004
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abstemious

A word that contains all 5 vowels of a, e, i, o, & u, in order.

If y is used as a vowel, then it can be appended, abstemiously.
Man doing crossword, was puzzled by a 10 letter word a---e-iou-. He paused, and then his face lit up.
"Ah yes! Abstemious."
by Kerb December 8, 2004
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