Definitions by Jim Birtwisle
Scatch
A sub-standard beach game involving two small round velcro pads strapped flat against the palm of the hand and a fluffy tennis ball. It took the British beach holiday by storm in the nineties until it's flaws came to light. These being that the pads were useless if they came into contact with sand and the ball likewise with water. There were many children left dissapointed with Scatch, I was one of them.
Scatch by Jim Birtwisle March 14, 2008
lotus notes
A piece of crap email and data base client server. It has millions of user throughout the world, however you won't find anybody who considers it easy to use.
Interfaces are difficult to navigate and the programme often crashes or stays hanging, requiring the user to restart the application or completely reboot the computer. It is characterised by ugly colour schemes and unecessarily tedious command requirements to carry out simple tasks. Want to see an email attachment with just 2 mouse clicks? Forget it. The use of Lotus Notes is scientifically linked to rage disorders.
As one website puts it, it is "the digital equivalent of being kicked in the groin upon arrival at work every day"
Interfaces are difficult to navigate and the programme often crashes or stays hanging, requiring the user to restart the application or completely reboot the computer. It is characterised by ugly colour schemes and unecessarily tedious command requirements to carry out simple tasks. Want to see an email attachment with just 2 mouse clicks? Forget it. The use of Lotus Notes is scientifically linked to rage disorders.
As one website puts it, it is "the digital equivalent of being kicked in the groin upon arrival at work every day"
lotus notes by Jim Birtwisle February 20, 2008
american football
Nathan: Did you watch the American football last night?
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
Lawrence: Is that the sport where men of questionable sexuality covered in plastic jump on top of each other.
Nathan: Yeah, apparently they throw a 'ball' around as some sort of cover for the whole thing.
american football by Jim Birtwisle February 6, 2008
tom cruise
4ft 2' tall actor brainwashed into scientology. His film characters have a continuing theme that can be broken down into 3 clearly identifiable segments:
1)Beginning - He is the best at what he does (such as flying planes or driving cars)
2)Middle - Has a crisis of confidence (such as a friend dying) but meets love interest who helps him.
3)Ending - Pulls through it and returns to being the best at what he does (such as being a pilot).
Tom Cuise is now perhaps most famous for his sham marriage to Katie Holmes and being a couch jumping Scientologist who doesn't like being squirted with water.
1)Beginning - He is the best at what he does (such as flying planes or driving cars)
2)Middle - Has a crisis of confidence (such as a friend dying) but meets love interest who helps him.
3)Ending - Pulls through it and returns to being the best at what he does (such as being a pilot).
Tom Cuise is now perhaps most famous for his sham marriage to Katie Holmes and being a couch jumping Scientologist who doesn't like being squirted with water.
Richard: I saw a Tom Cruise film last night
James: Which one?
Richard: I can't remember exactly, it started with him being the best at what he did, he had a crisis of confidence, but pulled through it in the end.
James: Well that doesn't narrow it down at all!
Richard: Y-You're a jerk, you're a jerk!
James: Which one?
Richard: I can't remember exactly, it started with him being the best at what he did, he had a crisis of confidence, but pulled through it in the end.
James: Well that doesn't narrow it down at all!
Richard: Y-You're a jerk, you're a jerk!
tom cruise by Jim Birtwisle February 5, 2008
Loch Ness
1) Large body of water in the Scotish Highlands. Loch Ness rose to fame due to the myth of a large monster inhabiting the waters. Probably the only place in Scotland that American tourists are familiar with becase of:
2) A tragic film in which Ted Danson's reputation was well and truly drowned.
2) A tragic film in which Ted Danson's reputation was well and truly drowned.
Rob: I saw Loch Ness the other day.
Pete: In Scotland?
Rob: No, in the DVD bargain bucket at the petrol station.
Pete: In Scotland?
Rob: No, in the DVD bargain bucket at the petrol station.
Loch Ness by Jim Birtwisle January 24, 2008
bang in your face
Used by Radio 1 (UK) DJ Tim Westwood (see wigger). The phrase is used to denote a track or compilation of tracks that Mr Westwood believes you may enjoy. The phrase, along with others are most commonly shouted in an over exaggerated manner.
This album is full of the latest licks and big hip-hop things. This album will BANG IN YOUR FACE!!!!!
bang in your face by Jim Birtwisle January 22, 2008
little-ups
Alternative to Big ups. A phrase used when a only a small, but still relevant amount of respect is due or when trying to keep a big up concealed from another person. Most effective when used in conjunction a sly low-five or a knowing nod of the head.
Can also be used as sarcasm upon hearing news from someone who thought their achievement would command more respect than it was realistically worth.
Can also be used as sarcasm upon hearing news from someone who thought their achievement would command more respect than it was realistically worth.
little-ups by Jim Birtwisle January 22, 2008