Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

tablature

Musical letters for weird musical types (esp. guitar). Used by people who depress others with their guitar playing in a large communal area by playing Jack Johnson ballads or Damien Rice derges.

Fred: "Life is bleak man, so i'm gonna play this depressing song i learned from tablature"
Ewan, looking depressed.

by Jeffrey Douglas September 18, 2008

grab-a-granny

The best thing to do when you are dumped by your girlfriend. go out and pull an old bird. the game consists of a pack of young males who attempt to shag the brains out of an attractive OLDER woman. Fuelled by booze these young males are letting themselves in for months of ribbing. Another problem is; when on boxing day, this one night stand turns up and is your mum's best friend, or dad's ex.

Alternatively, grab-a-granny could mean mugging a female pensioner.

Mark: "Oh no, i'm crushed. My janine has dumped me. Oh, woe is me."
Keith: "No worries bud. We're out tonight and we'll partake in grab-a-granny"

OR

Baz: "I need some cash for some crack and a whore."
Bez: "Ok, let's grab-a-granny, and claim it was noel edmonds."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 24, 2006

mad for it

mad for it is a condition suffered exclusively in the greater manchester region. Becoming mad for it often stems from over-excitement from listening to the happy mondays or stone roses. Being mad for it means something similar to a state of excited anticipation. The after effects of being mad for it are hangovers, a sausage sellotaped to one's neck and a really ugly bird who is the cousin of John Squire. apparantly.

John: "Fuckin' MAD FOR IT!!!"
Liam: "wha' 'bout?"
John: "Don' Kno'!! but fucking TUUUUUUUUUUUNE!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 15, 2006

fishwich

the correct way to order a fish sandwich in any fish and chip shop. A fish sandwich is a buttered breadcake with a heavily battered fish (normally cod or haddock (or even the sick combination: CODDOCK)) inside, oozing grease.

Harry: "One fishwich please Squire!"
George: "Yes, very good sir."
Harry: "Cod if you would please, i can't stand that bastardin' bastard Haddock."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 24, 2006

Second tier player

Term used to describe any sportstar who is not in form or of top standard. These players have a weak following of numptys who no nothing of the certain sport and everything about erectile disfunctions. For example the man who says "No! Keiran Richardson is not a second tier player" is a) a knob jockey and b) has erectile disfunction.

Here is a list of second tier players; Jermaine Jenas (football/soccer), Stuart Abbott (Rugby Union), Darren Clarke (golf), Pedro de la Rosa (F1) and many more

Dwayne: "You know Dave, that charlton F.C. squad is just a load of Second tier players!"
Dave: "Yea, rarely have i seen a more Second tier team! It now only needs an average second tier player; Phil Neville"

by Jeffrey Douglas September 4, 2006

12

Without any doubt what so ever, 12 is the greatest number of all time. it's not likely that anyone does'nt know this but for those of you who want to be reminded of just how good 12 is here... Months in a Year? Hours in a.m? some of the finest rugby players have worn 12, the number of the inside centre jersey in union. The board of friends officialy recognized this, and one of it's main aims is to spread the knowledge of this fact. In the history of the universe,only 12 things have happened, numer 3 being dinosaurs and number 11 being star wars. this isn't a crackpot theory, throughout any given day you will see at least three 12 references. Snoop Dogg's favourite number is also 12.

"everyone knows 12 is great. even dead people still appreciate the 12th of the month"

by Jeffrey Douglas August 6, 2006

slave ship

Comparison to be used when describing a tightly packed area, or mode of transport. Comes from when the slave trade was in full swing, and P&O ferries dropped their standards to optimise profit margins.

Harry: "Joshua! This train is bloody packed! It's worse than a bleeding slave ship!"
Josh: "Yea, i know. Smell's 'n' all!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 20, 2006