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Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

daft bint

Naive female, often perceived as stupid. One who would buy Chantelle's biography and label it a "good read".
Sarah: "That iraq place must be really hot!"
Dave: "Why so?"
Sarah: "Well, look at these pictures! It is so hot there these cars just catch on fire!"
Dave: "You daft bint. Iron my shirt, wench!"
by Jeffrey Douglas November 5, 2006
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stonewall penalty

A complete, absolute and certain penalty kick in football.
A defender shooting a forward in the penalty area with a BAZOOKA is a stonewall penalty.
by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006
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Goethe

Johann wolfgang von Goethe was born in 1749 in Frankfurt, Germany. It would be correct to remark he put german culture on the map. Famous for Faust, Heidelroslein and The sorrows of young Werther. Coined the phrase "pretentious, moi?". All in all, abit of a floppy sausage, and is still annoying people today through education and the Goetheinstitute.

It would be unfair to say he was useless, as he coined a phrase in german that translates as "lick my arse", genius.
"mmm, goethe was important, but a bit of a tool wasnt he?"
"yes he was!"
"nice hair though"
by Jeffrey Douglas August 31, 2006
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fuckshitfuckshitfuck

Exclamation. describing state of panic.
fuckshitfuckshitfuck could be used for the following;

Opening a parachute but to no effect.

Realising you did not pay attention to your instructions on your exam paper and forgot to answer BOTH questions.

Putting your hand in your back pocket to pay your tab at a bar to discover you never took your wallet.

Having your johnny burst during private time with the missus.

Looking at the black guy using the urinal next to you, who is incidentally twice your size, with you dressed for a party as a grand wizard of the K.K.K.
by Jeffrey Douglas November 15, 2006
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offside

a place in football where you are classed as a sinner, and any goal you score from an offside position will be ignored by everybody who is onside.

A place in Rugby where it is easier to hurt/maim/tackle/cheat your opposition, and easier to play the whole game. Usually being offside in rugby will end up in a penalty to your opposition. Bastards.
Mrs. McGrath: "Billy! You're offside! Get back!"
Billy: "FUCK YOU MUM!"
by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006
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nimble

adj. meaning agile. Nimble people are often thin and frail. Piano players are nimble, weak and frail. They would be no longer nimble if their fingers were cut off, so perhaps being nimble isnt all its cracked up to be
E.g. Jason Robinson

Frank: "Woe, woo, oh, the way he prances along is so nimble! so gracious! so elegant"
Baz: "But he is weak and frail. What good is there in being nimble, when you can't lift a car??"
by Jeffrey Douglas November 5, 2006
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Vinegar

Condiment, essential to any honky white man's supper. Tasting of Quail eggs, HE-MAN once remarked "My goodness, i wouldn't be where i am today if it were not for Vinegar's acidity"

Yes Vinegar is tax-free, and for good reason, for indeed a dak chapter of Atlantis' history, is where they tried to tax vinegar, and the city sank like an unsinkable liner without sufficient lifeboats.
"oh man i love vinegar"

"how dare you tax my vin,,,,mnmmmgh,,hmd blop blop blop"
by Jeffrey Douglas August 31, 2006
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