Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

Mole

A) a scientific term used to describe the amount of substance in grams, which has the same number of particles as there are in 12g of carbon 12. One mole of a substance contains 6.023x10`23 particles. This is obviously rad as it shows how tiny atoms and particles really are. They are smaller than bridget the midget and also smaller than the public's estimation of Jeremy Clarkson.

B) a small furry creature who is proficient at destroying peoples gardens and being short sighted.

Jenkins: "I love the whole idea of a mole. How incredible!"
Peter: "How so?"
Jenkins: "Just think, it makes a boy of 4ft9" look HUGE"

Mole #1: "I'm a mole"
Farmer: "Should have gone to specsavers"

by Jeffrey Douglas September 8, 2006

bottle opener

The key to a cold, refreshing and delicious paradise.
The worst thing to forget when going camping.

One lads night out in a tent...
Jake: "Finally, now where's that bottle opener!?"
Bill: "<Rummage> OH SHIT!"
Jake: "You wonky bollocks bastard!"

by Jeffrey Douglas December 6, 2006

stonewall penalty

A complete, absolute and certain penalty kick in football.

A defender shooting a forward in the penalty area with a BAZOOKA is a stonewall penalty.

by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006

daft bint

Naive female, often perceived as stupid. One who would buy Chantelle's biography and label it a "good read".

Sarah: "That iraq place must be really hot!"
Dave: "Why so?"
Sarah: "Well, look at these pictures! It is so hot there these cars just catch on fire!"
Dave: "You daft bint. Iron my shirt, wench!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 5, 2006

Do a dad

Doing a dad is an act that is hilarious to those all around you but their laughter only drives you into the downward spiral known as doing a dad. Doing a dad shoots your emotive side into overdrive warp speed. It can start off small, but the tears keep coming until all that is left of someone doing a dad is a blithering mound of tears sniffles and soiled handkerchiefs. All it takes is a few jokes at the person's expense like prodding their man-breasts and saying "Gor blimey, they're like titties them, tubbs", then the water works come on much to the amusement of the audience.

The phrase comes from a real person, with real emotional displays, who regulary did a dad. Do a dad is now a common phrase all over the world, usually preceeded by don't.

Chris: "Waddle waddle! Ha! Bill, you walk like a penguin!"
Bill: "MMnnn. Boo hoo! <cry cry cry>"
Tom: "Oh god, don't cry about it!"
Chris: "Oh! C'mon don't do a dad."

by Jeffrey Douglas September 3, 2006

miss of the season

1. term used by commentators to describe a footballers sometimes hilarious miss.

2. term used by friends to mock a male who has failed to shag the town bike

John Motson: "Rooney, Giggs and Ronaldo, now surely, Ye - Oh - no! miss of the season. Piss poor shot from Ronaldo

Kev: "As if you didn't bang Sally, she is soo easy!"
Gav: "Yea but i forgot my rhohypnol"
Kev: "Oh, mate, miss of the season!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 19, 2006

tip-off

A tip off is a handy piece of information given by one to another. Tip-offs have been used in history (see the examples).

Regular tip-off;
"Look out Bill, he's a Queer."

Historical tip-off;
"Look, here, Hitler has said Peace in our time!"
"Nah, bollocks nev, he's a Queer."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 23, 2006