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Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

stonewall penalty

A complete, absolute and certain penalty kick in football.
A defender shooting a forward in the penalty area with a BAZOOKA is a stonewall penalty.
by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006
mugGet the stonewall penaltymug.

Unicycle Wheelchair

Arguably one of the better NASA fields of expertise. When the space race was on and it was Uncle Sam vs U.S.S.R, Astronaut vs Cosmonaut and Cats vs Dogs, the need for unicycle wheelchairs became apparant, and Mr. Nasa was once quoted saying, after they had been developed, "i don't know how we ever got by without them"

The Unicycle wheelchair was brought into the commercial sector at the very second the bee gees popularised close harmonic singing in tight trousers. Although, like toasters, expensive at first, the next christmas every household had one. The ratio in Belgium at the time of Michael Moore's conception was 12 unicycle wheelchairs to every 5 people with cheshire cats.

Through these developing years, people began to tamper with NASA's creation. Gentleman would "PIMP" or "ICE" their "RIDES" by adding "HARDCORE" propulsion systems and a "SICK" paint job. Ladies were not so intent on being the flyest mutha so were content with fluffy dice and a sombrero.

Today they are popular still, especially around buckingham palace.
"Unicycle Wheelchairs are essential for respiration"

"Is it a bird?"
"Is it a plane?"
"No, by Jove, its a unicycle wheelchair"
by Jeffrey Douglas August 12, 2006
mugGet the Unicycle Wheelchairmug.

Gay as a Dutch Window

To be very very gay, homosexual or shirtlifting. to define somebody as gay as a dutch window, the recipient of such horrific abuse, must have done something very poorly, acted in a queer fashion or displayed his effeminate side to a large degree.
Tipex is Gay as a Dutch Window as it smells and comes....in small bottles
by Jeffrey Douglas September 10, 2006
mugGet the Gay as a Dutch Windowmug.

Anti-clockwise

The way of left handed people. The opposite direction to how the little ticky things go on your spiderman themed wristwatch.

Many things go anti-clockwise, however to list them would make the world implode.
Craig: "That girl was seriously hot! It's a shame that she walks around that lamp post in an anti-clockwise fashion."

David: "To be fair.. she is left handed."

Craig: "Urgh..."
by Jeffrey Douglas February 10, 2007
mugGet the Anti-clockwisemug.

Mole

A) a scientific term used to describe the amount of substance in grams, which has the same number of particles as there are in 12g of carbon 12. One mole of a substance contains 6.023x10`23 particles. This is obviously rad as it shows how tiny atoms and particles really are. They are smaller than bridget the midget and also smaller than the public's estimation of Jeremy Clarkson.

B) a small furry creature who is proficient at destroying peoples gardens and being short sighted.
Jenkins: "I love the whole idea of a mole. How incredible!"
Peter: "How so?"
Jenkins: "Just think, it makes a boy of 4ft9" look HUGE"

Mole #1: "I'm a mole"
Farmer: "Should have gone to specsavers"
by Jeffrey Douglas September 8, 2006
mugGet the Molemug.

daft bint

Naive female, often perceived as stupid. One who would buy Chantelle's biography and label it a "good read".
Sarah: "That iraq place must be really hot!"
Dave: "Why so?"
Sarah: "Well, look at these pictures! It is so hot there these cars just catch on fire!"
Dave: "You daft bint. Iron my shirt, wench!"
by Jeffrey Douglas November 5, 2006
mugGet the daft bintmug.

hard work

1) description of a task that requeires (too) much effort to complete.

2) description of a customer who breaks your balls making you do whatever they want and still leaving unsatisfied.
1)

" I was shagging that bird over from Hull last night, and it was only when i looked at her face i realised it was too much hard work. "

2)

" Jesus, he was hard work. Comes in here, asks for a pizza, with a pasta bake for a topping and a tiramusu for a side. And this is a Fish & Chip shop! Twat.
by Jeffrey Douglas December 12, 2008
mugGet the hard workmug.

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