Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

tablature

Musical letters for weird musical types (esp. guitar). Used by people who depress others with their guitar playing in a large communal area by playing Jack Johnson ballads or Damien Rice derges.

Fred: "Life is bleak man, so i'm gonna play this depressing song i learned from tablature"
Ewan, looking depressed.

by Jeffrey Douglas September 18, 2008

miss of the season

1. term used by commentators to describe a footballers sometimes hilarious miss.

2. term used by friends to mock a male who has failed to shag the town bike

John Motson: "Rooney, Giggs and Ronaldo, now surely, Ye - Oh - no! miss of the season. Piss poor shot from Ronaldo

Kev: "As if you didn't bang Sally, she is soo easy!"
Gav: "Yea but i forgot my rhohypnol"
Kev: "Oh, mate, miss of the season!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 19, 2006

Do a dad

Doing a dad is an act that is hilarious to those all around you but their laughter only drives you into the downward spiral known as doing a dad. Doing a dad shoots your emotive side into overdrive warp speed. It can start off small, but the tears keep coming until all that is left of someone doing a dad is a blithering mound of tears sniffles and soiled handkerchiefs. All it takes is a few jokes at the person's expense like prodding their man-breasts and saying "Gor blimey, they're like titties them, tubbs", then the water works come on much to the amusement of the audience.

The phrase comes from a real person, with real emotional displays, who regulary did a dad. Do a dad is now a common phrase all over the world, usually preceeded by don't.

Chris: "Waddle waddle! Ha! Bill, you walk like a penguin!"
Bill: "MMnnn. Boo hoo! <cry cry cry>"
Tom: "Oh god, don't cry about it!"
Chris: "Oh! C'mon don't do a dad."

by Jeffrey Douglas September 3, 2006

window of opportunity

A time where the chance for action (usually, but not always, sexual in nature) arises. When one sees such a chance, one must grab it (or, if you will, jump through the window of opportunity).

1. The Sexual Window of Opportunity. . .
Where one comes across a girl drinking a pint, and casually slips her a tab of rohypnol, thus creating a window of opportunity for easy sex later.

2. The non-Sexual Window of Opportunity. . .
Where one sees and old lady struggling with heavy shopping, the window of opportunity arises to help her. Remove a baguette, whack her over the head, and take her purse and sausages.

by Jeffrey Douglas February 1, 2007

tip-off

A tip off is a handy piece of information given by one to another. Tip-offs have been used in history (see the examples).

Regular tip-off;
"Look out Bill, he's a Queer."

Historical tip-off;
"Look, here, Hitler has said Peace in our time!"
"Nah, bollocks nev, he's a Queer."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 23, 2006

fuckshitfuckshitfuck

Exclamation. describing state of panic.

fuckshitfuckshitfuck could be used for the following;

Opening a parachute but to no effect.

Realising you did not pay attention to your instructions on your exam paper and forgot to answer BOTH questions.

Putting your hand in your back pocket to pay your tab at a bar to discover you never took your wallet.

Having your johnny burst during private time with the missus.

Looking at the black guy using the urinal next to you, who is incidentally twice your size, with you dressed for a party as a grand wizard of the K.K.K.

by Jeffrey Douglas November 15, 2006

Gay as a Dutch Window

To be very very gay, homosexual or shirtlifting. to define somebody as gay as a dutch window, the recipient of such horrific abuse, must have done something very poorly, acted in a queer fashion or displayed his effeminate side to a large degree.

Tipex is Gay as a Dutch Window as it smells and comes....in small bottles

by Jeffrey Douglas September 10, 2006