Jamie Douglas's definitions

Fat enough to bend light

If someone is morbidly rotund, obese, or even a little overweight they can be described as being 'fat enough to bend light'. This derives from the fact that massive solar bodies like the sun have enough gravitational pull to alter the path of light rays, a process known as bending. Hence if you suggest someone is fat enough to bend light you are implying they have a weight equivalent to a large star, i.e. many millions of tonnes, and hence must be mocked as such.

"Golly gosh, that poor girl is fat enough to bend light!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Michelles husband is fat enough to bend light. Let's go give him a cake!"

by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006

sister shot

Golfing term. Means "it's up there, but you're not proud".

When one hits a total duffer, but it trickles along the ground and onto the green, one has hit a sister shot.

"Wow, that sister shot has set you up for par!"

by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006

saw that coming like a fat man round the corner

Blatently obvious. If a fat person tries to sneak round a corner they will be seen, as their belly will protrude first and give them away. Hence if something can be seen a mile off, or is really obvious, it can be 'seen coming like a fat man round the corner'

Phil: 'Hey, did you hear Janice was fired?'
Butch: 'Yeah, I saw that coming like a fat man round the corner!"

by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006

battery powered

Something that can give immense pleasure until the batteries are dead.

Women should never insert something battery powered into their bearded clam in case the battery leaks and burns them, but this doesn't stop Britians ever growing Rampant Rabbit using population.

Radio controlled cars, ipods, remote controls and vibrators are all battery powered.

by Jamie Douglas December 7, 2006

renaissance man

An individual talented in all spheres of human endeavour, including but not limited to sports, art, science, war, philosophy and music.

Some renaissance men of great repute include Leonardo Da Vinci and Goethe.

If you try and think of examples of Renaissance men, remember that it is not enough that they have brilliant minds (hence Einstein is out), nor is it enough that they are fine sportsmen (hence no Carl Lewis) or are well hung and virile (so no Shergar) and nor is it sufficient that they are musically gifted (so we omit Beethoven). It is a requirement that they are talented in ALL these areas.

I myself am a renaissance man, as I am a fine athelete, an excellent scholar, have an ear for music a talent for art and a way with the ladies.

#1: "What talent that young Douglas lad has!"
#2: "True, he is gifted at sports, academia and the arts."
#1: "Yes, he's a true renaissance man!"

Man: "Hey baby, wanna get a drink - I'm a real renaissance man!"
Woman: "Ooooh, OK!"

by Jamie Douglas December 1, 2006

weathergirl

The yummiest of all the Z-list celebrities. To be a weathergirl you must be either blonde or brunette or redhed, and you must be very pretty and have a great body. If you wish to be a weathergirl, being swedish is of benefit but not a requirement. Famous weathergirls include Ulrika Johnson and bald-headed-moustache-man Michael Fish. If you see a weathergirl, steer clear of them as they will have an IQ of roughly 3, and this may cause them to spontaneously combust.

Kevin: "Who's that nobody?"
Phil: "Just some weathergirl."
Kevin: "Hmm, hottie."

by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006

barm

Scouse term for a bread roll.

Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! You kidda, gimme that barm!

by Jamie Douglas December 19, 2006