Jamie Douglas's definitions
The most offensive insult in the world.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
Get the rubbish head mug.Between the macroscopic and microscopic scale.
If planets are macroscopic and atoms microscopic, humans can be described as a mesoscale.
1m is a mesoscale compared to an inch and a mile.
1m is a mesoscale compared to an inch and a mile.
by Jamie Douglas December 14, 2006
Get the mesoscale mug.Having a cock the size of an electron.
An electron has no definite size and a mass of approximately 10^-34 Kg. Approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000000006 Kg.
You see where I'm going with this ...
An electron has no definite size and a mass of approximately 10^-34 Kg. Approximately 0.0000000000000000000000000000000006 Kg.
You see where I'm going with this ...
Jimmy's winkie was so small that Felicity described him as an electron cock.
"Let's go poke fun at the physicists for all having electron cocks!"
"Let's go poke fun at the physicists for all having electron cocks!"
by Jamie Douglas November 22, 2006
Get the electron cock mug.Golfing game. When a man fails to drive the ladies tee-box it is customary to force him to turn his trouser/shorts pockets inside out, unzip his fly, and walk the length of the hole with his johnson out, thus making an elephants image around his crotch.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
"Ooops, failed to make the ladies tee again, you know what that means - elephant golf!"
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
Get the elephant golf mug.A really, really, really, really pasty white skin tone. When someone gets an xbox they invariably spend too much time indoors playing it, and the lack of sunlight they recieve results in a lack of melanin in the skin, turning them albino white.
Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
Hilariously, this insult should be applied to people who through no fault of their own cannot develop a dark tan, such as the elderly, ginger-haired folk and computer nerds who should know better.
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
Get the xbox tan mug.A hybrid plant bred using the seeds from a banana and a pumpkin. It is grown exclusively in Peasingwold, North Yorkshire (see below).
The banapkin has a soft leathery outer skin, which is a sort of dirty yellow/orange colour and is usually not eaten. It has an extended spherical shape, not dissimilar to a rugby football except the banapkin is slightly bent (like a boomerang). The inside is soft and delicious. It may be eaten raw, or better cooked (see below). The banapkin is a so called superfood, as many exceptional health benefits are associated with it.
-Peasingwold-
The village of Peasingwold, North Yorkshire, was belatedly added to the world map when in 1999 a student at Peasingwold technical horticultural college developed a now patented technique to fuse together the seeds of a pumpkin and a banana. The student, Mark Foe, sold his technique to the local working mens club for a pint of John Smiths and a bag of prawn cocktail flavour crisps. The patent is now worth an estimated £350million. In 2005 the AA added Peasingwold to it's list of 3 places to see before you die, where it replaced London.
-Physical Properties-
Weight (approx): 1 (kg)
Volume (approx): 5 (dm-3)
Electrical conductivity: 10 (Sm-1)
pH: 5
Magnetic permeability: 500 (Hm-1)
Refractive index: 4.2
Speed of sound in banapkin: 300,000 (ms-1)
Viscosity: 999,999,999 (Pa-s)
-Cooking-
Although the banapkin may be eaten raw it is best cooked. A small amount of salt brings out it's tasty flavour which may best be described as a cross between a potato and chicken. Many famous chefs including Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Shaque O'Neil recommend roasting the flesh of the banapkin before serving on a bed of fresh salad. Gas Mark 9, 300C or 480F for around 3 hours a pound plus 20 minutes is the suggested roasting guideline. I personally enjoy banapkin in my man breakfast and often fry it up with the bacon.
-Cost-
The banapkin is an inexpensive treat, and may be bought at any branch of HSBC bank for the same price as seven loaves of bread or five fishes. The price of the banapkin did fall shortly after the tradgedy of 9/11, when malicious apple farmers claimed that trained banapkins and not members of Al-Quaeda had masterminded the attacks.
-Health Benefits-
The banapkin is chock full of antioxidants, the chemicals scientists believe slow and in some cases even reverse the ageing process. In addition the banapkin has vitamins A, B12, C, D, E, W, riboflavin and tin, and is a good source of protein and other long-lasting slow-burning fuels. Historically banapkin was a herbal remedy used to cure aesthetic disfigurement, although the success of this treatment has yet to be scientifically proven.
-Media Coverage-
Given the many exciting things connected with the banapkin, media converage has been surprisingly limited. The BBC news anchor Huw Edwards was recently seen noshing on a raw banapkin at the start of the 6'o'clock news, although he denied this and claimed he had in fact been noshing on fellow presenter Fiona Bruce. The Times newspaper ran a four page spread on the banapkin in 2003 and this prompted mass consumption of the peculiar delight. It is believed that the poor media coverage of the banapkin is connected with the strangle hold that right-wing corner shop owners, who are banned from selling the produce, have over the world media.
-The Future-
The future of the banapkin is shrouded in mystery. In 2006 the Peasingwold working mens club sold the patent to an unnamed Australian company for an 8 figure sum. The only thing known about the company are their initials, ACB, which has led many leading sports experts to conclude that the success of the Aussies in the 05/06 ashes series was due to the banapkin in addition to other performance enhancing substances.
The banapkin has a soft leathery outer skin, which is a sort of dirty yellow/orange colour and is usually not eaten. It has an extended spherical shape, not dissimilar to a rugby football except the banapkin is slightly bent (like a boomerang). The inside is soft and delicious. It may be eaten raw, or better cooked (see below). The banapkin is a so called superfood, as many exceptional health benefits are associated with it.
-Peasingwold-
The village of Peasingwold, North Yorkshire, was belatedly added to the world map when in 1999 a student at Peasingwold technical horticultural college developed a now patented technique to fuse together the seeds of a pumpkin and a banana. The student, Mark Foe, sold his technique to the local working mens club for a pint of John Smiths and a bag of prawn cocktail flavour crisps. The patent is now worth an estimated £350million. In 2005 the AA added Peasingwold to it's list of 3 places to see before you die, where it replaced London.
-Physical Properties-
Weight (approx): 1 (kg)
Volume (approx): 5 (dm-3)
Electrical conductivity: 10 (Sm-1)
pH: 5
Magnetic permeability: 500 (Hm-1)
Refractive index: 4.2
Speed of sound in banapkin: 300,000 (ms-1)
Viscosity: 999,999,999 (Pa-s)
-Cooking-
Although the banapkin may be eaten raw it is best cooked. A small amount of salt brings out it's tasty flavour which may best be described as a cross between a potato and chicken. Many famous chefs including Gordon Ramsey, Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith and Shaque O'Neil recommend roasting the flesh of the banapkin before serving on a bed of fresh salad. Gas Mark 9, 300C or 480F for around 3 hours a pound plus 20 minutes is the suggested roasting guideline. I personally enjoy banapkin in my man breakfast and often fry it up with the bacon.
-Cost-
The banapkin is an inexpensive treat, and may be bought at any branch of HSBC bank for the same price as seven loaves of bread or five fishes. The price of the banapkin did fall shortly after the tradgedy of 9/11, when malicious apple farmers claimed that trained banapkins and not members of Al-Quaeda had masterminded the attacks.
-Health Benefits-
The banapkin is chock full of antioxidants, the chemicals scientists believe slow and in some cases even reverse the ageing process. In addition the banapkin has vitamins A, B12, C, D, E, W, riboflavin and tin, and is a good source of protein and other long-lasting slow-burning fuels. Historically banapkin was a herbal remedy used to cure aesthetic disfigurement, although the success of this treatment has yet to be scientifically proven.
-Media Coverage-
Given the many exciting things connected with the banapkin, media converage has been surprisingly limited. The BBC news anchor Huw Edwards was recently seen noshing on a raw banapkin at the start of the 6'o'clock news, although he denied this and claimed he had in fact been noshing on fellow presenter Fiona Bruce. The Times newspaper ran a four page spread on the banapkin in 2003 and this prompted mass consumption of the peculiar delight. It is believed that the poor media coverage of the banapkin is connected with the strangle hold that right-wing corner shop owners, who are banned from selling the produce, have over the world media.
-The Future-
The future of the banapkin is shrouded in mystery. In 2006 the Peasingwold working mens club sold the patent to an unnamed Australian company for an 8 figure sum. The only thing known about the company are their initials, ACB, which has led many leading sports experts to conclude that the success of the Aussies in the 05/06 ashes series was due to the banapkin in addition to other performance enhancing substances.
-Recipie for Banapkin Pie-
You will need:
4 banapkins
1 tbl spoon of salt
1 family sized, ready made, chicken pie
Directions:
Peel the banapkins and mash up the flesh using a fork. As you mash the flesh, add all the salt gradually.
Take the pie, and cut it in half. Scoop out the filling so you are just left with a 'pie shell'. Feed the removed pie filling to your neighbours or pet grizzly.
Stuff the mashed banapkin into both halves of the 'pie shell'. Now bring the two halves of the pie together so it looks like a complete pie. Sprinkle a little more salt on top of the pie, and roast in the oven for around 3 hours on gas mark 9, 300C, 480F. Serve with red wine.
You will need:
4 banapkins
1 tbl spoon of salt
1 family sized, ready made, chicken pie
Directions:
Peel the banapkins and mash up the flesh using a fork. As you mash the flesh, add all the salt gradually.
Take the pie, and cut it in half. Scoop out the filling so you are just left with a 'pie shell'. Feed the removed pie filling to your neighbours or pet grizzly.
Stuff the mashed banapkin into both halves of the 'pie shell'. Now bring the two halves of the pie together so it looks like a complete pie. Sprinkle a little more salt on top of the pie, and roast in the oven for around 3 hours on gas mark 9, 300C, 480F. Serve with red wine.
by Jamie Douglas January 16, 2007
Get the banapkin mug.1. A line in football exactly between the back line and the goalkeeper, usually roughly level with the six-yard-box. Any cross into the Corridor of Uncertainty will cause all sorts of panicky and comedy defending as neither goalie nor defence are sure to come or stay.
2. A line in cricket, when the ball pitches usually on a length, just outside the batsmans off-stump. It is such a good line that it leaves the batsman unsure of whether or not to play a shot, and usually results in either an edge, a play-and-a-miss or some other form of comedy cricket.
3. A dark alleyway.
4. A womans anus. Do you dare venture into the Corridor of Uncertainty?
2. A line in cricket, when the ball pitches usually on a length, just outside the batsmans off-stump. It is such a good line that it leaves the batsman unsure of whether or not to play a shot, and usually results in either an edge, a play-and-a-miss or some other form of comedy cricket.
3. A dark alleyway.
4. A womans anus. Do you dare venture into the Corridor of Uncertainty?
Ooh, he's put that cross right along the Corridor of Uncertainty and caught the defence in one dilly of a pickle!
Fletcher: "If you keep putting the ball into the Corridor of Uncertainty, you'll get an edge for a wicket eventually."
Harmison: "OK, but what if I just bowl at second slip?"
Paul: "Let's go this way. It's a short cut."
Mike: "No, I can't see down there - it's a Corridor of Uncertainty."
James: "Let's have sex!"
Milly: "We can't, it's my time of the month!"
James: "No worries, I'll just put it in the Corridor of Uncertainty."
Milly: "Ouch!"
Fletcher: "If you keep putting the ball into the Corridor of Uncertainty, you'll get an edge for a wicket eventually."
Harmison: "OK, but what if I just bowl at second slip?"
Paul: "Let's go this way. It's a short cut."
Mike: "No, I can't see down there - it's a Corridor of Uncertainty."
James: "Let's have sex!"
Milly: "We can't, it's my time of the month!"
James: "No worries, I'll just put it in the Corridor of Uncertainty."
Milly: "Ouch!"
by Jamie Douglas January 5, 2007
Get the Corridor of Uncertainty mug.