Jamie Douglas's definitions
Without doubt, the finest footballer taller than eight feet in the universe. With an uncanny knack for unravelling his telescopic legs Peter Crouch was able to dominate world football for a generation, winning the FA Cup in 2006, the English League in 2008, the world cup in 2010 and becoming president of the Galaxy a short time later. Peter Crouch is a hero of our time.
by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006
Get the Peter Crouch mug.Weather is the thing that makes blighty so unbearable. In blighty weather is terrible all the time, so much so that many people choose to move abroad or simply jump into the ocean and try to swim to another country. The general weather pattern acorss the United Kingdom is rain, rain, rain. Then a cold front. Then rain, rain, rain. Then freezing winds and snow. Then rain, rain, rain. The Roman Emperor Caeser once abandoned his quest to rule Britain because of the weather, and during the second world war the Luftwaffe were defeated in the Battle of Britain because the steel that made their aeroplanes rusted within minutes of coming into contact with British weather.
by Jamie Douglas September 1, 2006
Get the weather mug.The sixth, seventh or first night of the week, depending on your religion.
Saturday night is the most important invention in human history. Saturday night is the reason most conflicts have been resolved and is responsible for some of mankinds most excellent discoveries.
Acceptable ways to spend Saturday night include going out to the cinema, drinking beer, watching the footy highlights with your mates, clubbing, eating kebab, beating the wife and/or kids, and spending a dirty night out. Unacceptable ways to spend a Saturday night include going to bed early and being ill.
Without Saturday night it is conceivable that the couple of protein strands that joined in the primodial goo to form Earths first ever life form would never have done so, and all life as we know it would not exist.
Several other good facts about Saturday night include that it's impossible to fail to pull a slapper, it's the only night apart from Wednesday that it's legal to dine in an Indian restaurant, it's my favourite night of the week and it follows Friday night.
Saturday night is the most important invention in human history. Saturday night is the reason most conflicts have been resolved and is responsible for some of mankinds most excellent discoveries.
Acceptable ways to spend Saturday night include going out to the cinema, drinking beer, watching the footy highlights with your mates, clubbing, eating kebab, beating the wife and/or kids, and spending a dirty night out. Unacceptable ways to spend a Saturday night include going to bed early and being ill.
Without Saturday night it is conceivable that the couple of protein strands that joined in the primodial goo to form Earths first ever life form would never have done so, and all life as we know it would not exist.
Several other good facts about Saturday night include that it's impossible to fail to pull a slapper, it's the only night apart from Wednesday that it's legal to dine in an Indian restaurant, it's my favourite night of the week and it follows Friday night.
"It's Saturday Night! Let's get ready to rumble!"
Jim: "What shall we do?"
Pete: "Well it is Saturday night. Lets drink beer, get a kebab and go home to beat the wife and kids."
"I'm so happy it's saturday night, it's my favourite night of the week."
George: "Hey Saddam, it's Saturday night. What do you say we forget all this silly sentenced to death nonsense and go to the cinema?"
Saddam: "Infidel."
Jim: "What shall we do?"
Pete: "Well it is Saturday night. Lets drink beer, get a kebab and go home to beat the wife and kids."
"I'm so happy it's saturday night, it's my favourite night of the week."
George: "Hey Saddam, it's Saturday night. What do you say we forget all this silly sentenced to death nonsense and go to the cinema?"
Saddam: "Infidel."
by Jamie Douglas November 20, 2006
Get the saturday night mug.Golfing game. When a man fails to drive the ladies tee-box it is customary to force him to turn his trouser/shorts pockets inside out, unzip his fly, and walk the length of the hole with his johnson out, thus making an elephants image around his crotch.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
Cruel variations of this game include consuming a quiagh (a small silver tureen used to formally serve whiskey at gatherings) of whiskey before every new hole when playing in a fourball. The first 3 players (determined by the lowest score at the previous hole) can sip as much or as little as they like, but the fourth player must finish what is left. This normally results in at least one player getting totally mashed and spaffing their drives only a handful of yards.
"Ooops, failed to make the ladies tee again, you know what that means - elephant golf!"
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
"Let's hit the golf course with a bottle of dram for some elephant golf"
"OK, rules for todays golf competition. No ladies on the course, and elephant golf to be played at all times."
by Jamie Douglas September 8, 2006
Get the elephant golf mug.by Jamie Douglas January 21, 2007
Get the mighty weapon mug.Really really really sweaty. Imagine a chubby fellow dining out at his local pastry shop - he stands, salivating, over the counter wondering which fatty treat to shove down his gullet, and then indecision strikes and he sweats over what to order. That's how sweaty you are if you're sweating like a fat man in a cake shop.
Incidently, if you are a fat person and want a way to avoid such problems as choosing which cake, my advice is to simply buy everything. Problem solved
Incidently, if you are a fat person and want a way to avoid such problems as choosing which cake, my advice is to simply buy everything. Problem solved
Kirsty: 'How was your squash game?'
Jim: 'Great, but now I'm sweating like a fat man in a cake shop.'
Jim: 'Great, but now I'm sweating like a fat man in a cake shop.'
by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006
Get the sweating like a fat man in a cake shop mug.The most offensive insult in the world.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
Especially if you are four.
It should be the insult of choice for the parents of small children, so as to protect their delicate ears.
by Jamie Douglas September 6, 2006
Get the rubbish head mug.