Jamie Douglas's definitions

vampire slayer

1. A bloke who racks up a number of notches on his bedpost by picking up rough looking birds in nightclubs on student nights. (Vampire because he preys on girls out at night, slayer because he 'slays' them with his mighty weapon).

2. Someone who kills vampires.

Eddy: "Cor blimey, Dan brought another girl home from the student night!"
James: "I know, he's a real vampire slayer!"

James Woods, Kristy Swanson and Van Helsing all killed vampires, making them vampire slayers

by Jamie Douglas January 21, 2007

Fat enough to bend light

If someone is morbidly rotund, obese, or even a little overweight they can be described as being 'fat enough to bend light'. This derives from the fact that massive solar bodies like the sun have enough gravitational pull to alter the path of light rays, a process known as bending. Hence if you suggest someone is fat enough to bend light you are implying they have a weight equivalent to a large star, i.e. many millions of tonnes, and hence must be mocked as such.

"Golly gosh, that poor girl is fat enough to bend light!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha! Michelles husband is fat enough to bend light. Let's go give him a cake!"

by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006

Peter Crouch

Without doubt, the finest footballer taller than eight feet in the universe. With an uncanny knack for unravelling his telescopic legs Peter Crouch was able to dominate world football for a generation, winning the FA Cup in 2006, the English League in 2008, the world cup in 2010 and becoming president of the Galaxy a short time later. Peter Crouch is a hero of our time.

Let's gan down t'kop and cheer Peter Crouch

by Jamie Douglas August 26, 2006

mighty fine

adj. A good way to describe quiche.

It is also good to describe other pleasurable things this way.

A: 'How's the quiche?'
B: 'That's mighty fine quiche'

Tom had had himself such a mighty fine bit of pie he eagerly awaited second helpings.

by Jamie Douglas November 16, 2006

beer farts

Beer farts are the product of drinking too much beer, especially but not exclusively bitter.

They are incredibly smelly and frequent, and make your bum itch.

Beer farts are the worst thing to develop on a date, unless you feel comfortable blaming noxious odours on your partner.

John: "Bloody hell Jim, after those bitters last night I've been farting all morning!"
Jim: "Me too - the beer farts are coming thick and fast!"

What's that smell? Beer farts.

Man: "It's so good of you to agree to go out with me."
{Cue uncontrollable beer farts}
Woman: "Was that you?"
Man: "No you smelly ogre, it was you!"

by Jamie Douglas January 20, 2007

sperbs

A mixture of herbs and spices, often used in cooking.

Recipe for turkey curry

Ingredients: Turkey, onion, garlic, chillies, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, chopped tomatoes, tomato puree, chicken stock, herbs and spices (fresh coriander, fresh basil, cumin, chilli powder, tumeric, ginger, cinnamon, garam masala).

Directions:
1. Fry off the onions, garlic, chillies and seeds in oil.
2. Add the turkey and sperbs, and cook until the turkey is sealed.
3. Add the remaining ingredients and simmer for 20-30 mins.
4. Serve with rice and more fresh coriander.

by Jamie Douglas July 7, 2007

aeroplane food

1. Something the airlines use as an excuse to charge you more.

2. A plastic container with words like 'Chicken and Rice', or 'Cottage Pie' printed on the lid, but which contains nothing that could be mistaken for these things.

3. A potent diarrhetic and/or poison. With this feature, aeroplane food was a key weapon during the cold war.

Passenger: "Oh Stewardess, there's a rat in my aeroplane food!"
Flight Stewardess: "No sir, that IS your aeroplane food."

BA, BOAC and Cathay Pacific all serve 'aeroplane food'.

by Jamie Douglas December 6, 2006