Hoze's definitions

Pastor

Pass-tor (n) middle english 1) an ignorant sonofabitch with a Bass boat; 2) a letch who gropes the loins and lucious breasts of Sunday school girls; 3) a man of god who doesn't file income tax returns; and 4) all of the above.

The new pastor porked all the deacon's daughters.

by hoze August 11, 2004

Mazda

A Jap car company that has stubbornly hung with Dr. Oskermyer Weiner Wankel's rotary engine for decades longer than makes any sense. The early RX7's wheezed out about 31 horse power and produced less torque than a kid on a rocking horse. The last ones weren't much better, and did miserably in the marketplace. Equipped with more plumbing than Staten Island, rotaries can be made to made quite a few horse power for quite a few seconds. Their dying, although not worth the price of admission, is one resounding clunk followed by a colossal wheeze and a final fart. It musta taken some fantastic Gheshia blowjobs to persuade Ford to piss away millions on the latest incarnation of the would-up rubber band sounding rotary. Even mazda had sense enough to put pistons in the vast majority of their cars. Still, there's a few, very few, persnicketdy old fucks who want something inefficient and queer and Mazda's got every one of 'em in the bag.

Is that a cloud of cicadias I hear or did some queer turd just drive by in a Mazda?

by Hoze December 23, 2004

Ducati

A motorcycle sought out by pretentious assholes who prefer wine to Jack Daniels. They hope that the Ducati is a conspicuous indicator of their riding ability along with their Victoria's Secret color coordinated soft leather suits. Unfortunately, the Duc, on the rare instances it will run, is a badge and incident of a lame ass pretender who knows absolutely nothing about motorcyles. They are made by a filthy subspecies of European -- the only ones on the continent who admired the fucking Nazi's.

A gay bar is to a Ducati like a bright light is to a bug.

by Hoze December 17, 2004

God

A clever old Jewish bastard who gets credit for all the good stuff, but eludes the blame for all the bad shit.

"When the tornado blew our trailer all the way to Pascagoula, thank God none of us was killed." WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP YOUR TRAILER, YOU STUPID CRACKER-ASS BITCH???????????

by Hoze April 23, 2004

screw

The main thing that the cold prevents in Minnesota.

Say, Mom, we haven't screwed since the Truman administration, you betcha!

by hoze February 14, 2005

car bomb

kar' bom <middle english> favorite weapon of goatfuckers the world over.

Yo, muhammad, I can't find our F-16, so lets just blow some kids up with a car bomb. Allah Akbar!

by hoze September 14, 2004

ass breath

The breath of a vegetarian. They sit around smuggly odering carrot juice and similar shit, thinking that they're the cat's meow, when in fact, you could weld with their breath.

He: This Volvo was owned by a Professor.

She: How do you know?

He: can't you smell the ass breath?

by Hoze December 20, 2004