Herr Doktor Grauwolf's definitions

armchair mercenary

an individual, typically male, who incessantly second guesses the outcome of military battles recreated on television. Often addicted to the History Channel, has never served in the armed services, but is an active member of the NRA, an avid gun collector, yet doesn't hunt. Can be somewhat oblivious to spousal interests or needs.

Armchair mercenary: "Bla, bla, bla, then you know honey, if Brigadier General Warren's scouts hadn't found Little Round Top undefended, then Colonel Vincent wouldn't have led his brigade up the hill and set up a picket line. If General Lee's troops had just arrived there, say, just 10 minutes earlier, 20 tops, the Battle of Gettysburg would have been a Confederate victory! The rest would be history! Hey, grab me another beer, would ya?"
Wife: "You are sooo smart, snookums! You're my favorite armchair mercenary! Get your own beer, but just one! Remember? I've got to go, uh..... go and visit my sick friend again."
Armchair mercenary: "Hey, what if the Rebel snipers had had Barrett 50s with match ammo? Where'd I put the remote?

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 25, 2009

"Where's it at?"

a question to which the literal answer is, "between the 'is' and the 'at'." Sometimes, albeit rarely, the proper answer depends upon what the meaning of the word 'it' is. Considered obfuscating by some posing the defined expression.

Prosecutor: "Where's it at?" (meaning the missing 10 million dollars in question)
Indicted guy: "Between the 'is' and the 'at'."
Prosecutor: "Isn't that not an incomplete sentence and rather literal and evasive?"
Indicted guy: "Oh, you're good! Touché! Next question."

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 24, 2009

flocculation

the socially deviant act of fornication with multiple farm animals. Considered by some, an irredeemable sin as it transcends common bestiality.

Bernie: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. Since my last confession, I have engaged in flocculation with three sheep, big time. But only once."
Padre: "My son, for you, you sick little bastard, there can be no salvation!"

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 19, 2009

"Jesus wept."

John 11:35. The shortest verse in the King James version of the Bible. Translated from the original Greek, εδακρυσεν ο ιησους, literally meaning, "Jesus wept.". Perhaps the sole verse in the Bible that people actually "get" without guidance. Rarely open to interpretation, only cross-reference. Having said that, what many don't understand is that it may sum up the entire New Testament in two simple words. (Note: emphasis on the word, may.)

When someone starts to say what the Gospel according to John really meant when it said, "Jesus wept.", just walk away! It could be a money scam. Caveat emptor.

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf February 14, 2009

neologatrophy

the sudden and devastating shrinking of a writer's self-worth after they submit a new word to the Urban Dictionary and are rejected. May affect male organs if severe.

Old professor Wilhelm submitted a great new word to the Urban Dictionary and all he got was rejection and subsequent neologatrophy. Poor sod gots nothin' but snow peas for testicles, now!

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 17, 2009

dradle

A toy top invented by Moses for young boys to have something else to play with while healing from their bris milah.

Momma, give Bernie
his dradle already! Such a screaming
whakkenweiner! So, you want him suffering ODD*, too?

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf December 20, 2008

black velvet elvis

anything old and exceeding tacky, yet somehow still compelling and cool. Originally, a painting of "The King" done on black velvet using da-glo paint. Any preNAFTA kitsch sourced from Tijuana street vendors.

Dude: "Wow! That plaster pink flamingo is bitchin'! I want it!"
Bernie: "Yeah, that's a 'black velvet elvis' if I've ever seen one!"

by Herr Doktor Grauwolf January 24, 2009