Hedley Clubnobber's definitions

comp

British, sigular - short for 'comprehensive school'. State school system or chain of open prisons depending on whether you're a politician or actually live near/work in/ go to these shit holes. A process by which bright, intelligent, lively, inquisitive children are miseducated into sullen, stupid, violent, bored young adults ready for a life in front of the TV, so they can buy products for the rest of their lives until they die having accomplished....nothing.

Q. S/he's a complete moron. How did s/he get like that?

A. S/he went to a 'comp'.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

fundamentalist

Mental certainty. Fun at the start, never at the end. Someone who brings fireworks to Armageddon.

a. 'that's fundamentalist nonesense?!'

b. 'in the name of the Prince of Peace, die you doubter!'

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

spangle

a scattering of stars and also the name of a british hardened candy/sweet in the 1970's and contained the sorts of chemicals that sent kids into orbit. an affectionate term for one who shines out and is unique.

a. 'How are you spangle?'

b. 'I'll be fine when the sweets have worn off. Can you undo my space suit?'

by Hedley Clubnobber September 17, 2006

yorkshire man

oh dear! yorkshire (english county) provides many a salutory tale in how not to behave when away from home. men of that large county tend to be extremely boastful on account of their lack of size in other areas. borish, arrogant, self-opinionated, unforgiving. have a pathological dislike of lancastrians on account of having had their arses thrashed several hundred years ago by said county. treated sympathetically when in lancashire to seek cultural enlightenment. cannot pronounce the word 'cricket'. women of that county provide regular, if 'sameish' entertainment, to lancastrian men living close to the border.

a. I'm a yorkshire man!

b. Then you should leave!

by Hedley Clubnobber September 17, 2006

care in the community

British poitical euphemism for 'piss off, we don't give a toss'. Usually applied to the disabled, elderly and infirm; a pre-requisite to depriving them of their savings and homes via low standard services. Normal to associate this with abandonment, loneliness and despair. The natural end to the industrial revolution.

Bank manager 1. 'Care in the community would be a good idea'.

Bank manager 2: 'Yes, we must tell the government to do it and sink those needy bastards'.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

go-lightly

A 'go-lighty'; noun/adj. made famous in UK.TV hidden camera show where grossly overweight people go round knocking things down inadvertently.

'Look at the size of him/her, Mate! What a go-lightly'.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

Caerphilly

Caerphilly; Lard-Central! A pleasant summer Saturday can be had watching various 'Valley-Go-Lightlies', 'Salad-Dodgers' & 'Chafers' mashing their way through burgers 'n pop, with tats in every place and a thong for every occasion. Almost as famous for a massive Norman castle, which Cromwell took a dislike to, so blew up. Local politicians refuse to repair it and it's now Wales' own leaning tower. Still, when sober, Valleys people are absoultely the best, which is a good job 'cause there's a lot of 'em size-wise. However, there's a high proportion of Chavs-on-benefits (can there be a Chav not on benefits?) so don't expect sparkling conversation!

Caerphilly High Culture:
A giant Caerphilly cheese outside the job centre.

Low Rollers:
Chavs, Chavs and more Chavs. Oh dear! When will someone rid us of these pestilent vermin?

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006