Hedley Clubnobber's definitions

social worker

making lots of money out of people's misery. part of the burgeoning 'new professions class' of the late 20thC and usually a socialist, liberal or worse. social workers took over where the church left off. may know the difference between right and wrong but doesn't see why it should apply to them. a secular priest, monk or nun who enforces politically acceptable thought and behaviour on the hapless, helpless and hopeless. talks complete psychobabble with no scientific foundation whatsoever. often pilloried for taking children into care or leaving them to die; whichever the press find most distressing at the time. almost always an insecure individual who should be having therapy not giving it.
MALE of type tries to compensate for the low social status by talking complete bollocks at the pub.
FEMALE, usually a cat owner, likely to be crazy as a coot and in medieval times would have been burned as a witch.
SW MANAGER has generally failed even at this low level and so exacerbates the public's woes with incompetence in leadership.
most SWs try to avoid mentioning it at parties or face the prospect of further rejection. secretly support the British National Party.

social worker; 'As a social worker, I like to consider the full psycho-socio-sexual-ethnic dynamic in operation in any given situation or mele before drawing a tentative conclusion or proposal. I mean, I may not even go so far as to reach a conclusion, perhaps only hinting at a possible resolution, if that's ok with you?, which may in fact or actually not even be so certain as that. Is that wrong d'ya think?? I believe people should be allowed to live their own lives without interference from the state until we interfere. Failure is a negative concept and I don't like to use that word. However, the true answer may only ever be 'Yes'...or...'No' or...'Maybe'.... and it's never absolutely cl..'

normal person; 'Sorry to interupt. I'm afraid it's too late, the child / old person has been battered into the next life!'

by Hedley Clubnobber September 17, 2006

go-lightly

A 'go-lighty'; noun/adj. made famous in UK.TV hidden camera show where grossly overweight people go round knocking things down inadvertently.

'Look at the size of him/her, Mate! What a go-lightly'.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

Caerphilly

Caerphilly; Lard-Central! A pleasant summer Saturday can be had watching various 'Valley-Go-Lightlies', 'Salad-Dodgers' & 'Chafers' mashing their way through burgers 'n pop, with tats in every place and a thong for every occasion. Almost as famous for a massive Norman castle, which Cromwell took a dislike to, so blew up. Local politicians refuse to repair it and it's now Wales' own leaning tower. Still, when sober, Valleys people are absoultely the best, which is a good job 'cause there's a lot of 'em size-wise. However, there's a high proportion of Chavs-on-benefits (can there be a Chav not on benefits?) so don't expect sparkling conversation!

Caerphilly High Culture:
A giant Caerphilly cheese outside the job centre.

Low Rollers:
Chavs, Chavs and more Chavs. Oh dear! When will someone rid us of these pestilent vermin?

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

newcastle emlyn

Small town/village in West Wales UK, that somehow, against all the odds, remains human, friendly and welcoming. You'll hear Welsh spoken just about everywhere by locals and not just by pretentious, crachach-welsh-wannabe-shit-heads from Cardiff. Some great pubs with great real ale, all in easy staggering distance of each other; so not just mass produced crap served to chavs, that drives you mental (which we hope they will continue serving to chavs, of course).
Sheep & cattle auction right next to the main street; how cool is that? Most locals have abandoned fashion in favour of having a life. Cool hippie shops and cafs galore.

Newcastle Emlyn; lets hope the English don't ruin it.

diolch o galon

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

idea

Something which, if considered good, cannot ever be used in a democratic society, the plural of which can only be prevented by joining any major political party. Something which a 'chav' never gets but a human may have when staring down to the bottom of an empty beer glass.

a. 'That's a good idea, Prime Minister'.

b. 'You swine!'.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

EU

European Union; an organised hypocrisy of rapacious corporations, aristocrats and neo-catholics shepherding the mindless flock into Orwell's 1984. Modelled on plans set in place by one A. Hitler (popular Viennese painter and bon viveur; mid 20thC) then continued by every other Euro-demagogue since. Emblem on the EU Paliament, Goddess Europa riding a 10 headed beast. Nuff said! :(

EU taking you to Armageddon with style.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 27, 2006

Oldham

Words will have to do....'Grim Up North' could've been written for this collection of stones. Nice on the outskirts but otherwise a sunami of chavness and thus a cultural wastland. It could indeed be the quintessential 'classless society' due to an extraordinary lack of style. Everything that socialism was meant to be! 'God-forsaken' would suggest the Almighty actually had been there once and so deliberately left it, which most authorities seriously doubt. A mix of Yorkshire rejects, Manchester overspill-uber-scum and the North Asian sub-continent. Market day reminding one strongly of the Orc army battle scenes in 'Lord of the Ringroads'.

Q. How do you know a girl from Oldham is having an orgasm?

A. She drops her chips.

by Hedley Clubnobber August 1, 2006