19 definitions by Hammer of Jesus
A synonym for smegma. Sometimes used specifically to describe dick cheese belonging to a person of hispanic origin.
Armando: Duuuude have you seen how much boner queso Jose has? You could make a quesadilla with that shit.
Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.
Carlos: Nah mang, I'm not really into checking out other dudes dick cheese status.
by Hammer of Jesus March 14, 2017
The Devil's kiss is the heinous action of the tip of one's penis making contact with the cold porcelain of the inside of a public toilet.
I went to take a shit in the strip club bathroom, where I was unpleasantly surprised by the icy cold sensation of the Devil's kiss. Now it burns when I pee. Thanks, Satan.
by Hammer of Jesus August 6, 2017
The act of placing ones cellular device onto their genitalia, followed by a person sending repeated text messages, until the recipient of the textjob reaches sexual climax. Has been known to cause damage to cell phones when performed carelessly.
Jim: Man, Dave was really pissed after I banged his wife. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I threw my phone in my pocket and he gave me a textjob!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
by Hammer of Jesus June 29, 2017
The rare occurrence of a pair of testicles hanging perfectly equidistant to the ground, as opposed to their regular offset position.
Tony: Bro check out my balls! Total scrotumnal equinox!
Harold: Impressive symmetry! Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
Tony: Damn straight, now open wide homie!
Harold: Impressive symmetry! Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.
Tony: Damn straight, now open wide homie!
by Hammer of Jesus May 30, 2020
Ron: Man, I sure gobbled a whole shitload of knobs on National Dick Sucking Day III.
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
by Hammer of Jesus April 14, 2019
by Hammer of Jesus February 12, 2020
Bob: I heard Frank had to get reconstructive surgery on his asshole after spending an evening with Don.
Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.
Gerald: Just one night? Damn, there must have been seriously heinous anus gayness afoot.
by Hammer of Jesus August 18, 2019