Hammer of Jesus's definitions
A phallus of immense girth, length, and/or strength. Wielders as well as recipients must exercise extreme caution.
by Hammer of Jesus January 19, 2019
Get the power penis mug.Davy Jones' Gravy is a dark, murky fecal/water combination that is the result of a particularly non-solid bowel movement, obscuring from vision all below it's putrid depths. Commonly found in public restrooms and port-o-potties.
I went to use the outhouse at the construction site, but it was so full that my balls dipped into Davy Jones' Gravy when I sat down.
by Hammer of Jesus February 14, 2017
Get the Davy Jones' Gravy mug.The act of placing ones cellular device onto their genitalia, followed by a person sending repeated text messages, until the recipient of the textjob reaches sexual climax. Has been known to cause damage to cell phones when performed carelessly.
Jim: Man, Dave was really pissed after I banged his wife. He wouldn't stop texting me, so I threw my phone in my pocket and he gave me a textjob!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
Todd: Nice dude! Now Dave and his wife have made you bust a nut!
by Hammer of Jesus June 28, 2017
Get the textjob mug.The simultaneous occurrence of flatulence and ejaculation. Particularly common among the elderly who have weak bowel and penile control.
Jenny: Mom! Grandpa is fumming all over the place again!
Karen: Well, grab some towels and start cleaning him up!
Jenny: Ewwwww! I don’t wanna clean up grandpa’s nasty fum! It stinks!
Karen: Shut the fuck up and clean your grandpa’s fum or you’re grounded!
Karen: Well, grab some towels and start cleaning him up!
Jenny: Ewwwww! I don’t wanna clean up grandpa’s nasty fum! It stinks!
Karen: Shut the fuck up and clean your grandpa’s fum or you’re grounded!
by Hammer of Jesus March 2, 2020
Get the Fumming mug.A person who is professionally employed by a private or federal entity, whose job is to eliminate hispanics in large and profitable quantities.
Javier: I just nailed a Beaner executioner job with the Fed! 55k a year plus dental!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
Jon: Wait, but you’re Mexican right?
Javier: So? It’s nothing personal, and the benefits are dope! Can’t wait to pop me some frijoleros!
by Hammer of Jesus May 2, 2019
Get the Beaner executioner mug.A dusty bumper is the action of falling ass-first into the dirt while ones pants are around their ankles. Common during rowdy outdoor sex and defecating in the woods. If the latter is the cause of the dusty bumper, one may walk away with a rusty bumper.
Earl: Last night, I was beatin' cheeks with Becky in them woods right behind my trailer, when i tripped over a stob and gave myself a dusty bumper!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
Jim-Bob: Well hell yeah brother, than poon is totally worth it! Fuckin' ain't nuthin' if she ain't yer cousin! Yeeeehaw!!
by Hammer of Jesus August 4, 2017
Get the dusty bumper mug.Ron: Man, I sure gobbled a whole shitload of knobs on National Dick Sucking Day III.
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
Abe: Same bro. I love celebrating all of the 365 non-consecutive and independent occurrences of National Dick Sucking Day every year!
by Hammer of Jesus April 14, 2019
Get the national dick sucking day iii mug.