Grant Rampus's definitions
Most men, particularly husbands, are earsighted - the condition of being borderline deaf when 3 feet from their spouse. Problem amplified when their wife is assigning chores or talking about her day. Fortunately, those afflicted with being earsighted are usually quite adept at hearing far away, like when their friend has pulled into the driveway to take them away.
The doctor put down his ear scope after examining Jeff and asked him if his wife started a new job. Upon Jeff confirming, the ear doctor explained that Jeff was suffering from a case of being earsighted.
by Grant Rampus January 28, 2022
Get the Earsightedmug. The only retail establishment that starts out in bankruptcy. Within 30 days of opening, there will be a teenager standing roadside in front of the furniture store holding a sign that states they are having a “going out of business sale” and all furniture must go, prices up to 70% off.
Hey Jim, I’m heading out to look at leather couches at that new furniture store on Route 1. Is that kid out front yet holding the going out of business sale, or has it not been 30 days yet?
by Grant Rampus November 11, 2019
Get the Furniture storemug. A common Boston saying when driving, since no one in the city uses a blinker. This rude, yet common, driving behavior transcends all ages and gender.
by Grant Rampus August 2, 2016
Get the Nice blinker, assholemug. A smartly-written show on HBO starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Although she plays the Vice President of the United States - hence the "Veep" show title, she might as well be playing Elaine from Seinfeld because she plays a character on Veep who is almost identical to Elaine's personality and mannerisms - with the delightful bonus of the gratuitous use of the word fuck.
Viewer 1: Hey, why is Elaine sitting in the Oval Office?
Viewer 2: It's not Seinfeld, dude. It's Veep!
Viewer 2: It's not Seinfeld, dude. It's Veep!
by Grant Rampus July 8, 2016
Get the Veepmug. When all rational thought and behavior goes out the window on a sexual conquest. More succinctly put, when you are no longer in charge of rational decision making, as your dick is calling all the shots.
Larry was clearly no longer in control when he flirted so heavily out of his league with Linda. He was suffering from a case of dick-in-charge.
by Grant Rampus August 16, 2016
Get the Dick-in-chargemug. A phenomena that occurs 2 times a day: morning and afternoon. When crawling to the coffee machine in a desperate need of caffeine, popping in the Keurig coffee pod, watching with anticipation the machine warming up, and to your horror the bright blue light pops on, thus signaling the realization the asshole who last used it didn’t refill the water container.
Joanie shuffled into the kitchen at 6am to get her much needed cup of coffee, and waited the requisite 45 seconds while the Keurig machine warmed up. Then the dreaded blue light appeared. In middle class society, Joanie was afflicted with what has become known as the Keurig blue light special.
by Grant Rampus September 7, 2019
Get the Keurig blue light specialmug. Unlike the sanctity of the traditional high holidays, the Hallmark Holiday was invented by the executives of the Hallmark corporation to increase quarterly sales. Generally agreed upon to include Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and essentially any pseudo- holiday that a card can be sold for.
Jimmy panicked when he realized he hadn’t gotten a card for his dad’s special day, but then quickly relaxed when he realized it was a Hallmark holiday - Father’s Day - and the card was optional.
by Grant Rampus June 20, 2021
Get the Hallmark holidaymug.