Grant Rampus's definitions

Landlord white

The universal paint color a landlord sprays on the walls of an apartment between tenants. Apparently blind to any of the hundreds of colors available, a landlord will universally choose “landlord white” harboring under the delusion that is what most tenants would choose if they had a choice.

Landlord: “I gave the apartment a fresh coat of paint before you move in.”
Tenant: “Let me guess: landlord white?”

by Grant Rampus November 28, 2020

Divorce vows

The vows the divorcing couple make to each other with hopes of a cordial post-marriage relationship. Awash in disillusion, not unlike with marriage vows, the couple untying the knot make promises of paying child support regularly, not switching weekends without notice, embracing new spouses, etc.

The divorce vows Rick and Cindy made to each other lasted about 3 months, approximately the same time as marriage vows last before disintegrating into reality.

by Grant Rampus February 7, 2021

Nice blinker, asshole

A common Boston saying when driving, since no one in the city uses a blinker. This rude, yet common, driving behavior transcends all ages and gender.

"Nice blinker, asshole!" said the Bostonian as the yellow Subaru cut him off.

by Grant Rampus August 2, 2016

Dick-in-charge

When all rational thought and behavior goes out the window on a sexual conquest. More succinctly put, when you are no longer in charge of rational decision making, as your dick is calling all the shots.

Larry was clearly no longer in control when he flirted so heavily out of his league with Linda. He was suffering from a case of dick-in-charge.

by Grant Rampus August 16, 2016

Door hesitation

That critical moment of moral dilemma when you need to decide to hold the door open for somebody who is trailing behind you...or let it go. Generally resolved if you think they saw you looking at them - so you don't look like a complete asshole letting the door close on them. Problem can be compounded if the person running for the door is a hot chick but she's miles away and you look like a fucking doorman holding it for 3 minutes until she reaches the door.

Brad held up his lunch group heading to the cafe because he decided he needed to hold the door for Jenny, the hot chick from HR, that was headed her way. Brad was suffering from door hesitation.

by Grant Rampus August 12, 2016

Keurig blue light special

A phenomena that occurs 2 times a day: morning and afternoon. When crawling to the coffee machine in a desperate need of caffeine, popping in the Keurig coffee pod, watching with anticipation the machine warming up, and to your horror the bright blue light pops on, thus signaling the realization the asshole who last used it didn’t refill the water container.

Joanie shuffled into the kitchen at 6am to get her much needed cup of coffee, and waited the requisite 45 seconds while the Keurig machine warmed up. Then the dreaded blue light appeared. In middle class society, Joanie was afflicted with what has become known as the Keurig blue light special.

by Grant Rampus September 7, 2019

Line-dick

The asshole in line at the counter of a convenience store who is oblivious to the growing line of customers behind them, while they continue to purchase more lottery tickets. Usually white trash as the main culprit, second place offenders are retirees. Problem amplified on pay day/social security check day.

What took you so long to get a loaf of bread?

Sorry, some line-dick was on a roll with scratch tickets.

by Grant Rampus July 11, 2016