Grant Rampus's definitions

Sell the dream, live the nightmare

The mantra of every salesperson alive, they promise the client unachievable results if they just sign on the line. Once the dream is sold, the operations team then needs to unravel the web of deceit sold and "recalibrate" the client's expectations (i.e., the nightmare).

Todd: " How did we lose our biggest client last week?"

Tyler: "It seems once they talked with Operations they realized there was no way they could make that deadline. Another classic example of 'sell the dream, live the nightmare."

by Grant Rampus July 31, 2016

Keurig blue light special

A phenomena that occurs 2 times a day: morning and afternoon. When crawling to the coffee machine in a desperate need of caffeine, popping in the Keurig coffee pod, watching with anticipation the machine warming up, and to your horror the bright blue light pops on, thus signaling the realization the asshole who last used it didn’t refill the water container.

Joanie shuffled into the kitchen at 6am to get her much needed cup of coffee, and waited the requisite 45 seconds while the Keurig machine warmed up. Then the dreaded blue light appeared. In middle class society, Joanie was afflicted with what has become known as the Keurig blue light special.

by Grant Rampus September 7, 2019

Ice heat defeat

When you are self-treating a minor sprain and cannot remember if you apply ice first, then heat. Or heat than ice. Further complicated by the fact no one really knows no matter who you ask.

Jimmy applied ice to his sprained wrist then a heat pad. Then he applied the heat pad, then ice. He was covering his bases because he was trapped in the ice heat defeat.

by Grant Rampus November 25, 2019

Dick-in-charge

When all rational thought and behavior goes out the window on a sexual conquest. More succinctly put, when you are no longer in charge of rational decision making, as your dick is calling all the shots.

Larry was clearly no longer in control when he flirted so heavily out of his league with Linda. He was suffering from a case of dick-in-charge.

by Grant Rampus August 16, 2016

iPad elbow

A medical condition of the affluent, mainly incurred by having your arms at a 90 degree angle while holding your iPad in bed for a prolonged period of time. Problem exacerbated when trying to hold the iPad with one hand and jacking off with the other.

Sorry I cannot help you move next weekend. I'm suffering from iPad elbow.

by Grant Rampus July 14, 2016

real estate agent

In hot real estate markets a housewife or soccer mom that subsidizes the household income by listing family and friend's houses for sale. Usually not very knowledgable about anything related to real estate, a real estate agent is often considered a career choice while raising children.

Hey hon, is your cousin Margie still a real estate agent or should we hire someone to sell the house? I can't remember if her kids are in school now.

by Grant Rampus July 4, 2016

Door hesitation

That critical moment of moral dilemma when you need to decide to hold the door open for somebody who is trailing behind you...or let it go. Generally resolved if you think they saw you looking at them - so you don't look like a complete asshole letting the door close on them. Problem can be compounded if the person running for the door is a hot chick but she's miles away and you look like a fucking doorman holding it for 3 minutes until she reaches the door.

Brad held up his lunch group heading to the cafe because he decided he needed to hold the door for Jenny, the hot chick from HR, that was headed her way. Brad was suffering from door hesitation.

by Grant Rampus August 12, 2016