Grant Rampus's definitions
The dreaded tip expectation that comes during the Christmas holiday season and is expected by every service provider, from the mailman to the hair stylist. Confusion abounds on who is actually worthy of this extra tip, how much, and when the cut off date is. More specifically, there is a magical day in December (before Christmas) when there is an understanding that it’s the usual tip and one hasn’t crossed the threshold of holiday tipping. Generally thought to be December 15th.
Jimmy raced to the barber to get his haircut on December 15th, knowing that the holiday tip expectation was upon him.
by Grant Rampus December 10, 2019
Get the Holiday tip mug.Rarely the main breadwinner in a marriage, the wife’s contribution to the household income to get a larger mortgage, fancier car, etc. Typically ranging from $30k to $45k, the wife salary also allows for smaller alimony or child support payments when the inevitable divorce happens.
When Tom met with the bank, he was able to explain why - through the wife salary - he qualified for a larger mortgage. Exact same argument when he met with the divorce attorney 2 years later, but the reverse argument in why he didn’t need to pay alimony.
by Grant Rampus September 25, 2021
Get the Wife salary mug.The appropriate distance one must live from their in-laws so they can tolerate them. General rule of thumb is just far enough so they can't drop by unannounced.
When looking at new houses, Rick had to tactfully remind his new wife that the appropriate distance-in-law in that state was no less than 75 miles.
by Grant Rampus August 31, 2016
Get the Distance-in-law mug.The one day a year the father is actually honored by his family and given a 24 hour pass to relax and not dole out money to his ungrateful kids or spend his entire weekend with a list of chores from his wife.
“Honey, I need you to clean out the garage after you mow the lawn. Oh wait, it’s Father’s Day, isn’t it? You can do those chores next weekend along with other ones I’ll have added to your list.
by Grant Rampus June 20, 2021
Get the Father’s Day mug.What most celebrities and professional athletes have to embark upon after disgracing their families, co-workers, etc. for very bad personal decisions. Standouts include sleeping with the nanny or crashing your car while on a cocktail of fentanyl and cocaine. Playbook calls for an immediate retreat to a treatment center where you emerge 30 days later with a bible in hand.
This year’s #1 NFL draft pick was missing from society for 30 days, until last Tuesday when he emerged from Our Lady of Miraculous Recovery Treatment Center, bible in hand. Beginning his apology tour, he stepped up to the podium he began to thank those that helped him and was truly sorry for those he hurt during his recent car crash (high on cocaine) with the half-dressed nanny in the passenger seat.
by Grant Rampus January 28, 2023
Get the Apology tour mug.Generally a woman named Melinda or Judy that is single in her 40s (occasionally divorced in her late 50s), that wears a navy suit while researching and communicating health benefits. Other useless tasks endeavored include interviewing more qualified people then they are and facilitating sexual harassment trainings to those in the verge of bringing the company down with sexual exploitations of their admins.
by Grant Rampus July 4, 2016
Get the Human Resource Manager mug.Ex wife: the gold digging whore you share custody of your kids with and owns all your stuff. Primary reason you sleep on a fouton above a Seven-Eleven.
by Grant Rampus July 5, 2016
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