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Global Feetus's definitions

cheek slapper

A hugh expulsion of flatulence that causes the mussels of the glutumus maximus to slap together. Often used as a independent demonstrative expression of awe or pride of accomplishment.
Wheew...that was a real cheek slapper! or
Wait for it...now THAT was a real cheek slapper!
by Global Feetus April 2, 2007
mugGet the cheek slappermug.

hammered dogshit

1.The appearance of a person who is extremely hungover or in the process of getting shit faced.

2 A POS Honda with cracked nose fairings and a huge spoiler, both painted in gray primer.

3. Anything unsightly or particularly ugly.
1."Christ, Dave you look like hammered dogshit."

2.Dude you call that a ride? It looks like hammered dogshit!

3. After he totaled his dads car his face looked like hammered dogshit.
by Global Feetus April 1, 2007
mugGet the hammered dogshitmug.

schmear

1.NYC Deli slang for the act coating a bagel with a small amount of cream cheese.
2. A small amount of any condiment applied to a food item.
3. A medical test for women from New York.
1. "Hey Marty a poppy seed with a schmear ." (NOTE:To use schmear authentically the customer usually mumbles while he waits just loud enough for other customers to hear something like: "Oy is so hot in here , I should be so rich to pay this electric bill. How does he make a living? Such a waste.")
2. Klutz...I said a schmear of mustard...not the whole jar."
2. I am so verklempt my doctor wants me to get another pap schmear. I should live that long!"
by Global Feetus April 10, 2007
mugGet the schmearmug.

Up Periscope!

1. The act of slowly floating upwards in a hot tub while erect or in the vernacular ,sporting a woody.

Origins: First to properly execute an up periscope one must first " blow ballast " by farting in the hot tub.

If undetected by the other occupants, preferably female, the "scope master" will raise his body until the head of his penis slowly breaks the surface. If he remains undetected he will slowly continue to push his penis farther out of the water until detected.

When detected he will yell "Down Scope" and rapidly pull his body downwards while acting as if nothing happened. If he remains undetected that means the female occupants of the hot tub are receptive or totally hammered, in either case, this often results in a "torpedo" attack after he yells UP SCOPE!

2.A mythical command often seen in WWII movies to raise the periscope. Up periscope is not used by modern submariners. The officer of the deck will inform the watch standers submarines control room the he is "Raising Number 1 ( or # 2 ) scope." at which time he will rotate the periscope ring that activates the raising / lowering mechanism.
1. Dave's penis was totaly out of the water when he yelled " Up Periscope!" "Euwwwwwww a dick!" screamed Denise.

2. "Up Periscope!" Ensign Jones commanded. The watch standers looked at each other in quizzical disbelief. Don't you mean "Raising Number 1 scope?" asked the Cheif of the Watch. " "Uh...right Cheif"...Ensign Jones demurred.
by Global Feetus April 10, 2007
mugGet the Up Periscope!mug.

grundle grumble

grundle grumble ( grundle grumbler, grundle grumbling )

1: When a young lady is pleasuring her partner by kissing or licking his grundle the scrotum will cover the womans mouth preventing intelligible speech.

2: Flatulence that is prevented from escaping up the butt crack that flows over the grundle impacting the scrotum making a distinctive rumbling sound. Grundle grumbles are particularly evident when seated on leather or vinyl seating surfaces or those cheesy fiberglass chairs in laundromats.

3. Mysterious sounds that emanate from the grundle.
1. Whats that honey? I can't hear what you saying you grundle grumbling bitch you.

2. Jesus Dave I heard that grundle grumble from here. Stop farting on my leather seats..no more fucking burritos for you.

3. What the fuck was that? Oh..a fucking grundle grumble. Sorry. Do you have any fabric softener?
by Global Feetus April 2, 2007
mugGet the grundle grumblemug.

phantom pooper

A person spontaneously and anonymously who defecates in public areas. The areas are chosen for the greatest visual and olfactory effect upon the observer, for example:

1. Water fountains
2. Public Pools and the Beach
3. Dressing Rooms.
4. Ex girlfriends mailbox.

Also see Poop Phantom
1. " Mommy I want a drink of...WHAAAAAAAAAAA...the phantom pooper...WHAAAAAAAAA! "

2. "Great day for a swim...what's that floating by your face? OMG! " The Phantom Pooper had struck again.

3. " Don't these pants look great...whats that smell?"

4. " Phantom pooper? Listen lady I don't care why your bill is late...just pay it.
by Global Feetus April 10, 2007
mugGet the phantom poopermug.

Titsville

Unintentional misspelling of Titusville Florida on mail addresses , order and address forms and in newspapers. See Tightassville. Considered "naughty."
1. Phone Order clerk:" I want to confirm that address again. You want that delivered to 104 Oak Street in Titsville ( teheheh) Florida 32783? Right? (teheheh)
Female Customer: " (sigh)No, No..that's Titusville....
Phone Order clerk: "Oh..It looked like Titsville!"
Female Customer: "Gee I've never heard that before. Listen pervert, congratulations you said "tits" to a customer. Now can we finish order...do you want my credit card number or my bra size?"
by Global Feetus April 10, 2007
mugGet the Titsvillemug.

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