After the ANC, Telkom is South Africa's largest crime syndicate.
Their modus operandi is to force other companies into selling their products for them under duress, extort ungodly fees out of their customers, particularly on ADSL lines, with broadband prices 10 times or more than overseas, and up to 100 times more on leased lines.
They resort to thuggery and intimidation such as sending technicians to disconnect you for no reason, charging you for non-existent calls and unexplained tariffs and staffing their call centres with retarded unionised sociopaths.
Their main partners in crime are Eskom and Sasol.
Their modus operandi is to force other companies into selling their products for them under duress, extort ungodly fees out of their customers, particularly on ADSL lines, with broadband prices 10 times or more than overseas, and up to 100 times more on leased lines.
They resort to thuggery and intimidation such as sending technicians to disconnect you for no reason, charging you for non-existent calls and unexplained tariffs and staffing their call centres with retarded unionised sociopaths.
Their main partners in crime are Eskom and Sasol.
It's a proven fact that if you fly 1st class to Hong Kong, stay in a 5 star hotel, buy a laptop, download 100GB onto it and fly back, it will be both QUICKER and CHEAPER than if you stayed in SA and downloaded it on a Telkom line.
by George McBob May 21, 2009
Get the Telkommug. Every Saturday afternoon, the hospital has at least 5 or 6 horse injury cases.
Oats + bran + hay + horse = very expensive shit.
Oats + bran + hay + horse = very expensive shit.
by George McBob May 17, 2009
Get the horsemug. Johannesburg. Coolest city in the world.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
by George McBob May 18, 2009
Get the Joburgmug. v. to smoke weed.
S. Afr. slang, pronounced "goof"
To be goefed is to be stoned out of your bracket.
S. Afr. slang, pronounced "goof"
To be goefed is to be stoned out of your bracket.
by George McBob April 28, 2009
Get the goefmug. Those heroic individuals who valiantly guard our language against profanity, idiocy, mediocrity and egocentric blathering.
by George McBob May 04, 2009
Get the Urbandictionary.com editormug. Someone who starts a conversation with you when in fact you have no wish to speak to them, then talks for ages without giving you an opportunity to excuse yourself without appearing rude.
Hostage talkers either enjoy making you uncomfortable or are completely oblivious to the fact that they are not wanted. People likely to be hostage talkers are mothers, younger brothers, bosses or people to whom you owe money.
Hostage talkers either enjoy making you uncomfortable or are completely oblivious to the fact that they are not wanted. People likely to be hostage talkers are mothers, younger brothers, bosses or people to whom you owe money.
Dave: Why isn't Mike here yet?
Steve: I think he ran into Linda in the hallway.
Dave: Damn, then he'll be ages. She's a hostage talker.
Steve: I think he ran into Linda in the hallway.
Dave: Damn, then he'll be ages. She's a hostage talker.
by George McBob June 09, 2009
Get the hostage talkermug. The act of behaving like a gentleman with the ulterior motive of getting a good eyeful of a hot girl.
Examples would include letting a girl go ahead of you up an escalator so that you can stare at her ass on the way up, or letting her have your seat on the bus so that you can stand next to her and stare down her top.
Pervalry is a portmanteau of the words "pervert" and "chivalry".
Examples would include letting a girl go ahead of you up an escalator so that you can stare at her ass on the way up, or letting her have your seat on the bus so that you can stand next to her and stare down her top.
Pervalry is a portmanteau of the words "pervert" and "chivalry".
by George McBob April 23, 2009
Get the pervalrymug.