George McBob's definitions
Johannesburg. Coolest city in the world.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
It is the most dangerous city outside of a war zone. It has the friendliest people in the world. It can both take away and restore your faith in humanity on the same day.
The Northern Suburbs are so green that they're one of the largest artificial forests in the world (just drive north on the M1 past the St.Andrews street bridge, and all you see is trees to the horizon, with a few buildings sticking out at Sandton, Rosebank and Randburg).
In Joburg the traffic cops take cheques and the minibus taxis and nightclub bouncers are run by the mafia.
Beggars at the traffic lights earn more than doctors and roadside hawkers actually go onto the highway in rush hour. The streets change names 3 times a year and the baggage handlers at the airport are more likely to open your bag and replace your digital camera with a kilo of cocaine than not.
Every second street is closed for roadworks and the Gautrain (due to be completed in 2011, but will probably only be ready in 2014) will be Africa's first subway.
A major landmark is a huge soccer-ball shaped balloon tethered to the ground, with a restaurant on it, right next to a shopping centre that looks like a medieval Italian town.
Even your guard dogs, security guards and the police are not safe from the criminals, and Kyalami is the biggest equestrian suburb in the world.
Edenvale is Chinese, Bruma is Lebanese, Cyrildene is Jewish, Kempton Park is Russian, Hillbrow is Nigerian.
There are more goldmines than in any other city on Earth, and the central train station is the world's largest inland container terminal.
Melville, Rivonia, Fourways and Parkhurst are THE places go at night, but only if you don't mind waking up naked in a dumpster with a silly hat and a new tattoo.
All the cellphone towers are disguised as trees, but the tallest building in the city is a radio tower with a billboard and office on it.
It a first-world city in a third-world continent, and despite everything the corrupt, bigoted thieving lying brain-dead government can do to turn South Africa into a banana republic African shithole, Joburg just keeps growing and growing.
by George McBob May 18, 2009
Get the Joburg mug.McFreedom is the cheap, hollow imitation of liberation that America somehow feels entitled to push upon countries around the world.
The McFreedom process begins with threats and intimidation to the leader of the victim nation followed by increasingly random and impossible ultimatums. If they don't give in, the American military arrives with their tanks and bombs and starts demolishing the place, all the while handing out junk food and pamphlets to the civilians.
Soon, a new leader who's policy is by extreme coincidence exactly the same as the yank's is "elected by the free people". Within months, McDonalds chains have started to infest the countryside and foreign investors suddenly own all of the country's natural resources.
Anyone who doesn't wax lyrical about how much better things are now is labelled a terrorist and shot.
The McFreedom process begins with threats and intimidation to the leader of the victim nation followed by increasingly random and impossible ultimatums. If they don't give in, the American military arrives with their tanks and bombs and starts demolishing the place, all the while handing out junk food and pamphlets to the civilians.
Soon, a new leader who's policy is by extreme coincidence exactly the same as the yank's is "elected by the free people". Within months, McDonalds chains have started to infest the countryside and foreign investors suddenly own all of the country's natural resources.
Anyone who doesn't wax lyrical about how much better things are now is labelled a terrorist and shot.
by George McBob May 25, 2009
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Get the LaMinxette mug.by George McBob May 18, 2009
Get the Fusswhip mug.A sleazy wedding chapel, of the kind made famous in Las Vegas.
At a McChapel, you can hire a wedding dress for an hour and get married by an Elvis impersonator. Ushers often expect tips.
At a McChapel, you can hire a wedding dress for an hour and get married by an Elvis impersonator. Ushers often expect tips.
by George McBob April 29, 2009
Get the McChapel mug.Namibian slang for nigger.
It comes from the phrase "you can take the kaffir out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of the kaffir"
It comes from the phrase "you can take the kaffir out of the bush, but you can't take the bush out of the kaffir"
by George McBob May 11, 2009
Get the bush cat mug.In South Africa, one usually buys weed by the bankie. A bankie is the amount of weed that will fit in a bank coin bag (weed is not necessarily sold in a bank bag, but it is the most common container)
by George McBob May 5, 2009
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